As for the rest of it, you cannot enforce fortune cookie insight through MA classes. If I wanted my kid to develop respect, lack of ego, a benevolent outlook on life, then I would be looking far away from any form of Martial art - Charitable work, volunteering, after school programmes etc.
If the kid isnt of a mindset to want to do these things, then they are not of a mindset to absorb watered down versions of these concepts from MA, they only want to go because its 'cool' or 'learning fighting'.
Cord -- it saddens me that you view it that way. But maybe some of us need to train, and others don't. All I know is that I owe a lot of my spiritual and mental development to the Japanese arts, far more so than to the philosophy classes or the sessions at church, or the hours of volunteer work.