My fear in the hospitals I've worked at was the mental patient getting the bloody needle from me, as I worked w/ radioactive material couldnt just dump it in the sharps box...chairs are good for that:)
Facial PP mounted would extend your arm, ever try point of elbow to inside of biceps close to armpit or knuckle strike there or to both armpits as a means to shrimp out??
Or alternately a sharp knuckle under the ribs on either side of solar plexus can, possibly, strike the nerves of the lungs as they exit the protection of the ribs and before the rectus abdominus get in the way. just thinking and typing.
do not try to spork the post, for that is impossible, only realize there is no post to spork