I was so put off by my first attempt at meditating...that I didn't go back. Partly because I was [censored] off at the teacher, and partly because it was such an uncomfortable experience.
I started karate, and thought it might be a good idea to incorporate meditation into a larger practice. Knowing next to nothing about the topic/endeavor...I decide on a local karate zendo. I'm told to sit, facing the wall..and that's it. In the space of 30 minutes, I go:
-from 'this is okay...I can handle this'
-to 'this is boring'
-to 'my frigging legs/back are killing me'
-to 'how does one not think and not do anything without going crazy?'
-starting to panic now from the pain, 'it's only been 10 minutes?..I'm going to pull my hair out'
Bright thought occurs...I remember giving birth and concentrating on breathing. I try that...find the breath...watch it go in/down and up/out...the pain recedes...some kind of balance occurs where the pain in the background somehow is monitored.
-I'm zooming now...no thoughts...just breath
-then on the tip/end of an out breath...it feels like this soft bubble pops...and out blows all this grief. I actually have the time to abstractly watch it come at me and think 'I wonder where that came from'...before it hits me like a wall of bricks, and my composure is completely gone.
Don't know what to think about that, approach the teacher for some input and am told 'keep looking'. I get really [censored], 'What is this...some kind of zen gimmick?' So, I keep looking, get some insights, and decide to forego sitting.
'Screw this sitting meditation stuff...I'll stick to kata.'