This week I began giving my ten year old nephew lessons in basic self defense techniques. I want to convey to him that his highest goal should be to not fight, to arrest a situation before it escalates into a physical altercation. (and not get himself banged up the way I used to when I went looking for trouble)

The trouble is, while I can express this in philosophy, I realize that I really don’t know that much on how to actually do it. Virtually all my training was how do deal with a worst case scenario, and very little about avoiding a worst case scenario. I’d like to help him to negotiate his way out of an avoidable situation, not just resolve an unavoidable one.

Pause for a moment and consider what popularized the phrase, "fighting without fighting." It was Enter the Dragon, starring Bruce Lee. The phrase was popularized by a work of fiction, and not a very plausible work of fiction at that.

"Fighting without fighting" is one of those self-contradictory phrases, like "knowing without knowing," that people sometimes mistake for wisdom. They assume anything so self-evidently silly must, in fact, be a cipher for some profound wisdom. But it's not. It's just self-contradictory rubbish. And it's designed to be.

Buddhists traditionally meditated on self-contradictory rubbish(e.g. "what is the sound of one hand clapping?") to remind themselves what a poor tool language was for apprehending reality. That the phrases were rubbish was exactly the point. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, some martial arts teachers are now putting forward these nonsense phrases as meaningful. I believe this is what may have you confused.

StoneCarver, if you are looking for tools to help teach your nephew solve conflicts without physical confrontation as much as possible, try googling "conflict resolution for kids" -- it has resources that may help you.

Yes I lifted the phrase ‘Fighting without fighting’ from the boat scene in ‘Enter the Dragon’ but it wasn’t meant as anything more than a title for the thread that would get peoples attention. Ignore the title.

What I’m really talking about is every martial arts teacher I’ve ever known (Excluding those teaching combat sports) give there students this line about these techniques being a last resort and that they should avoid conflict when possible, but very few of them give any real advice on how to arrest a situation before it comes to violence.

Granted I’ve only taken extended martial arts courses with belt ranks and etc. and not self defense seminars where these issues are more likely addressed. I just think when teaching self defense techniques learning how to not get into an altercation should get more focus.


And thank you Hope for your advice.