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#405409 - 08/22/08 11:33 AM Need advice: Self defense for women.
ehwth Offline
Stranger

Registered: 08/22/08
Posts: 4
Hi Everyone, I'm new to the site and have been trying to google up a good place to learn self-defense techniques the last weeks. But haven't found anything. Wondered if anyone could help advise? I'm not quite 5'2 and about 105 lbs more or less.

Since having been sexually attacked more than enough times years ago from a long-winded background and not knowing how I got myself into an abusive relationship when I was 16. I have been wanting to learn to train myself appropriately in being able to defend myself, as of most situations, there's no one there to help.

An ex who is utterly passionate and have been training in BJJ and MMA had opened my eyes up a bit then. Per se, I used to believe that as long as I had enough heart and perserverence, I can overcome anyone trying to attack me. I don't think of myself as a helpless petite woman. But needless to say that with a few "rounds" at home with him, he proved how easily I can be submitted.

He has also disclaimed a lot of the Martial Arts out there and said I'd be better off just running or carrying a spray. He also said that taking certain MA classes can help a little, but to train with the same people every day versus being in a real life situation can make a big difference. But this being the most I can do, I can't accept.

I do know of common knowledge that being trained incorrectly is worse than never having been trained at all. And I fear trying to google classes and schools reading reviews of those who have little knowledge in art..

It's a long shot. But would anyone have any advises as to where I can start/begin? I live in NYC. Is there any place/instructor that is reputable? Or classes that actually would really test the adrenaline? I don't mind going into the office the next day with bruises if something was learned. =)

Thanks,

A

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#405410 - 08/22/08 11:48 AM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: ehwth]
Kimo2007 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 1057
Hi A,

Great question and one I have brought up myself. Your ex is right in many ways, there is only so much a 105 pound woman can do in a straight up fight against and bigger attacker.

For you most martial arts would be a hobby, that would not do much for you in real world application, but there is hope.

BJJ offers you some options because it's based more on leverage then on striking power, as a small woman if you can keep you head I'd imagine an attacker would make a mistake you could exploit and possibly give you a chance to escape.

I would stay away from the "reality based" systems that teach you to strike hard and furious but don't spend much time on techique, they have some value but personally (just my opinion) I don't think they offer a realistic skill that would help you in an attack.

Juat a quick point of view, but I would love to see this thread get some legs.

How would you train a 105 pound woman to protect herself (not fight in a ring) but protect herself against a larger person who would like to do her harm?
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#405411 - 08/22/08 12:03 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: ehwth]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Hi and welcome to the forums.

Quote:

An ex who is utterly passionate and have been training in BJJ and MMA had opened my eyes up a bit then. Per se, I used to believe that as long as I had enough heart and perserverence, I can overcome anyone trying to attack me. I don't think of myself as a helpless petite woman. But needless to say that with a few "rounds" at home with him, he proved how easily I can be submitted.




Your eyes have been opened!! Many people have a perception of what they would or could do. Then when they try it's another matter altogether,lol.
You don't know how many times I've heard, "I'll just kick em' in the balls," or "I'll just hit them in the throat or eyes." Well, I don't think so. Not in a real situation. Relying on dirty tactics to get you out of things is dangerous at best.

Quote:

He has also disclaimed a lot of the Martial Arts out there and said I'd be better off just running or carrying a spray. He also said that taking certain MA classes can help a little, but to train with the same people every day versus being in a real life situation can make a big difference. But this being the most I can do, I can't accept.




Bad news, your ex is right on the money!

Spray is good. it will allow you time to get out of the situation. Tasers aren't bad either! Running is a good idea too.

There are things you can do that require alot of time and commitment.

Going to a self defense seminar is empowering,but it should make people realize how much they don't know and how much they need to know. Instead they make people think they are invincible because they now know a few secret techniques. WRONG.

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/

Here is a good place to start. It's not designed specifically for women, but it would help you slot I think.

I believe a grappling art best suits women for self defense because in most cases your attacker wants to get you to the ground and control you from there. There are many techniques you could learn to get out of that situation and possibly injure your attacker in the process.

Hopefully some more people will chime and give you more advice, my self defense expertise is extremely limited.
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#405412 - 08/22/08 12:22 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: BrianS]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Disclaimer: This is personal opinion of an old lady, with limited experience and knowledge.

You are 105 lb female in an urban, potentially high crime environment.

1. Stay fit. Can't run if you are overweight.

2. Avoidance, awareness. Don't go jogging in Central Park at night is an example.

3. Implement security in your environement. Locks, alarms, etc.

4. Get a permit, buy a gun, and learn how to shoot.

I don't believe that most martial arts are a viable, short-term solution to self-defense for women and/or children.

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#405413 - 08/22/08 12:39 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: harlan]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Good advice harlan!!
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#405414 - 08/22/08 01:01 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: ehwth]
Neko456 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 3260
Loc: Midwest City, Ok, USA
I believe self defense for women (just like a man) is eye opening and the reality may not be what you want to hear. I do think training will help you avoid and take on what happens on the street or in a domestic conflict.

The key issue wheather man or woman is survival at all cost and knowing when to escape and how to make this happen.

In NYC there a number of good schools that stress self defense. Like any such school you can get as deep as you want, I personaly suggest training that involves mental awarness, enviormental awarness and use of tools/weapons that help you survive in desperate situations, be prepared.

Mental awareness is the idea that you are aware of whats going on around you. Being aware that it could happen, listen to that sense that this sounds and feels werid.
And that you key in on key words that alert you to a person's intentions. Such as "Why don't we go over to house after work so I can show you my paintings". Most rapes or attacks are by people we think we know or people that have watched your movement. True some attacks happen by chance.

Enviornmental awareness - Don't walk alone at night when leaving work or park in dark rarely travel areas. Notice if you are being followed. Notice if theres someone hiding in the back seat of your car. Carry your cell phone in hand for intended use and improvised use. Turn corners wide so you can see around it, giving you more time to react.

Just to name a few.

Learn a skill set that will prepare you for events that will happen in such an conflict. Avoidancce to contact skills. I suggest any school of training that concentrate on center line striking,standing grappling & ground skills. Unlike some I believe in striking the groin, eyes,throat,strenum, heart, chin and temple. But I add do this after you throw coke, pepper sprayed r spit in there face and use a brush or ink pen or cell phone to enhance the effect of these strikes. Learn what your natural weapons are knees, elbows, hammer, palm, koken strikes among others.

Use the things you normally carry as a weapon be it a metal cornered purse or high heel shoes. I agree knowing throwing skills can help in countering a rushing bigger opponent also submission skills always think striking to escape not tussling for a submission unless you have to. Even at this alway improvise the use of a weapon even if its the of scraps of your purse as a gurrote/strangling devise.

Of course this can extend to learning to use distance deadly force training. Learning how use a handgun doesn't hurt and getting CCL this is not the same thing. CCL training is bare minimum get some real training.

Grappling with your male BJJ friend helps but I think if you trained BJJ (or any art) it should be based on self defense skills rather then competition. I'm not saying that competition skills won't teach you how to use your skills but it won't teach you how to fight dirty/cheat/Survive.

Survival skills are key not tag sparring or competitive skills. In one incident a woman was attacked as the Rapeist started to rip her panties off, she informed him that she tested positive for HIV. He jumped up and ran away. Hell thats better then leaving the guy on the Island by himself after he challenged you.



Edited by Neko456 (08/22/08 01:06 PM)
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#405415 - 08/22/08 01:13 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: BrianS]
ehwth Offline
Stranger

Registered: 08/22/08
Posts: 4
Hi. Sincerely want to thank everyone for their helpful input.

Having grown up in a decently high crime neighborhood, I've always been pretty aware of my surroundings. Except there has also been situations where there's no avoidance and no ability to run. Ran into this mostly during commutes home after a late night class when the trains are empty as the streets.

Don't know if it's true but it does feel it.. and not quite sure how to explain it. Because I'm small and petite, it tends to attract a lot of men who typically wouldn't try anything otherwise. I remember a time when standing on the platform waiting for the train and a guy would not leave me alone. Kept coming up to me, standing too close, and would not stop trying to talk. Not that this one tried anything physical, but because there's also no intimidation.. it admittedly has one feeling threatened and helpless sometimes. A feeling I really hate to feel.

Especially if there's really no one around. And in NY, people tend to turn the left eye. I end up not knowing if I can yell at the guy. If that would only make the situation worse. Or if I try the polite technique, they just increasingly become more aggressive.

From any kind of training, I don't expect to be empowered. Just hoping to know my body better and its adrenaline, discipline the mind from not being blind from anger, and increase my chances of being able to recognize when someone is about to make a move..

Definitely going to consider BJJ, for the floor moves. But there has to be something else?

And Harlan, so funny. I actually just signed up for shooting lessons earlier today. =) Not a fan of weapons but I think it'll be good to know.

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#405416 - 08/22/08 01:14 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: Neko456]
Kimo2007 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 1057
Good Post Neko.

My thoughts are that you should carry a knife, learn how to shank someone and take BJJ or Judo or some type of art thats main focus is on leverage. Striking will help to some degree, but I don't that should be your first line of defense.

Avoide, run, spray, tase, shoot, stab, strike, grapple, is maybe the order that you should consider. The better you are on the first few, the less you will need the others.
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#405417 - 08/22/08 01:39 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: Kimo2007]
ehwth Offline
Stranger

Registered: 08/22/08
Posts: 4
I'll continue to do more research on sprays and tasers. Haven't really been able to find many self-defense driven courses around here though but will definitely try to sign up for those one-day seminars. Took one BJJ class before, but the guy who was partnered with me seemed uncomfortable. =)

Many thanks again. It's been difficult trying to blindly figure out where to begin. Especially when you don't really know anyone interested. But looking forward.

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#405418 - 08/22/08 01:58 PM Re: Need advice: Self defense for women. [Re: Kimo2007]
Neko456 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 3260
Loc: Midwest City, Ok, USA
Kimo2007 We are in agreement with your analogy in that order except I put a high priority on things that works. If striking works for you use it, if grappling works for you use that. I don't discount any method that works in a situation.


Ehwith wrote - I remember a time when standing on the platform waiting for the train and a guy would not leave me alone. Kept coming up to me, standing too close, and would not stop trying to talk. Not that this one tried anything physical, but because there's also no intimidation.. it admittedly has one feeling threatened and helpless sometimes. A feeling I really hate to feel.


Eh- Little one don't play their game, keep an eye on them and get on your cell phone. He can't flirt with you or talk to you if you are talking to someone else on the phone. And it will let you know if he is a problem. If he continues to wait or talk while on the phone, his intention may not be friendly from a stalker to a real threat. In your conversation on the phone, "Mention something about your (husband/family memeber) being an Cop and he is coming to meet you at the address your'e standing for whatever reason." Of course all alone sizing the guy up humm should I use the pepper spray and yawara/brass knuckles, taser or 45acp.

Being little and pettie attracts but it can push away if you act like the Predator rather then prey. How you may ask, pull out your 45acp and check to see if it got one in the chamber. And see how much space he gives, ya.

Just playing I know handguns are legal in NYC. Hell I'd think in the concrete jungle you'd need one. Sorry for stero-typing, also forgive the punn.

Maybe you should ask a teacher for a self defense Instructor.


Edited by Neko456 (08/22/08 02:03 PM)
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