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#387062 - 03/18/08 12:09 PM There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT!
Zombie Zero Offline
Compliance & Liability
Veteran

Registered: 06/17/05
Posts: 1990
Loc: Lorton, VA
It's been said that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

We've each witnessed it both on FA.com, and in our everyday lives.

So, this is the thread where we get to post those stupid martial arts-related questions or statements we've been assailed with.

There are two important rules here:

No names, and no games.
Meaning, don't identify the screen names or real names of the guilty party. Their ignorance is punishment enough.

Also, these have to be questions or statements you have personally witnessed yourself, not something you heard through your friend's uncle's barber.

Here's one to get the ball rolling:

Someone (with no MA experience whatsoever) once asked me how long it would take to go from black belt to rainbow belt, and they were completely serious.

When I informed him there was no such thing, he told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

(Thanks to ButterflyPalm for suggesting this thread)
_________________________
In my walk in the martial way, my hope is that as long as I live, I will always be a beginner.

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#387063 - 03/18/08 12:26 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
marmaduke Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/06
Posts: 177
Loc: Ohio
Does this count ?

"but I do know he should immediately register his hands as deadly weapons with the local law enforcement. "
_________________________
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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#387064 - 03/18/08 12:27 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: marmaduke]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
I think that would fall under the category of 'statement'...not a 'question'.

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#387065 - 03/18/08 12:29 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
VDJ Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/09/05
Posts: 1672
Just last month I took my wife out for her birthday to a little pub that is close to our house that has some pretty talented karoke singers (no I do NOT participate, they haven't made that much alcohol yet). While we were there we ran into the parents of one of the kids that train at our dojang. After recognizing me he introduced me to a friend of his and says him "You should talk to this guy, he's one of the instructors where my kid takes TKD. He can tell you what you should have done". He then turns and says to me "He was held up at gun point last week (he worked in some kind of store), what should he have done ?" I turned to the friend and asked "What did you do ?" he said "I gave him the money and called the cops." I said, "you did exactly what I would have done and then I would have said a prayer of thanks that I wasn't shot." The parent then said to me "But your a black belt". I looked at him shook my head and walked away. Amazing that he thought a black belt is an equalizer to a firearm. I hope he's not filling his kids head with this garbage.

VDJ


Edited by VDJ (03/18/08 12:31 PM)

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#387066 - 03/18/08 12:47 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: VDJ]
JMWcorwin Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 07/13/07
Posts: 731
Loc: SoCal, USA
Got a similar one:

I was at a bar with some friends at a time when I was a new black belt. I was actually talking with the bouncer about his work when his eyes moved from mine to behind me and he got up suddenly. I turned and there were 4 very large Samoan (sorry if the spelling's wrong) fighting with 2 much smaller guys. I bottle was thrown then one was swinging a pool cue, and making contact. I watched as the bouncers rouded them all up and moved them outside.

After, my friend looks at me and completely serious asks me, "Why didn't you jump in? Don't you want to show off your skils?" To which I promptly replied, "If we're out somewhere and you GET me into a fight, you're going to be figthing me immediately after." I had no stake in the fight, I wasn't in danger and the bar had people who GET PAID TO HANDLE THESE THINGS. And they did quite quickly. Just because I'm a martial artist doesn't mean I have some burning desire to jump in the middle of every stupid drunk altercation to test my skillz.


Edited by JMWcorwin (03/18/08 12:56 PM)
_________________________
There are no PERFECT techniques, only perfect execution for the situation at hand. ~Corwin

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#387067 - 03/18/08 01:07 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: JMWcorwin]
Zombie Zero Offline
Compliance & Liability
Veteran

Registered: 06/17/05
Posts: 1990
Loc: Lorton, VA
Something I find particularly irksome -- Questions about Bruce Lee in the present tense:

"How many miles does Bruce Lee run every day?"
"What type of nunchucks does Bruce Lee use?"

The answer to both is none. He's still dead.
_________________________
In my walk in the martial way, my hope is that as long as I live, I will always be a beginner.

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#387068 - 03/18/08 01:14 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: JMWcorwin]
Chatan1979 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 338
Loc: Mahomet , Illinois
I can relate to the bouncer situation. I worked as a bouncer on a busy college campus. An elderly, seemingly homeless man came in, carrying a broken guitar. I dont know why the other bouncers let him in because he was clearly drunk when he came in. Anyway later on he starts drinking more and is swinging his guitar around coming close to hitting people with it.
I approached him, asked him to leave. He responded with a few unpleasantries and then proceeded to bring his guitar up to hit me. I quickly closed the distance and just held him against the wall so he couldnt complete his swing. Then I escorted him out the door.
Afterward I had people coming up to me constantly asking " Man why didnt you beat the crap outta that guy?" Your a black belt, I would knocked that old guy out."

I can just picture the headlines the next morning if I had hurt the guy. "Young bouncer pummels homeless elderly man in a bar........
_________________________
There is always someone who knows more, and noone who knows it all....

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#387069 - 03/18/08 01:32 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
ShikataGaNai Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 1163
Loc: Bellingham, WA
Teacher: "If you attack and your opponent brings his guard up, change the angle and attack the opening.:

Student: "What if the opponent doesn't bring his guard up?"

Ok, that's not so stupid as to make someone stupid for asking it, but still gets LOLZ.

Oh, oh - and that's POST 1000


Edited by ShikataGaNai (03/18/08 01:33 PM)

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#387070 - 03/18/08 04:39 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: ShikataGaNai]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
congrats on the 1000!

I recall many moons ago, as a 14 year old who had been doing Judo for about a month or two, when I was standing outside a Chinese chippy with some equally 14/15 year old friends. Some big, drunk biker/heavy-metal type (of at least 20 years) came up and started laying into me for no reason ("You wuz lookin' at me").

Later my dad, with a disgusted look, asked, "Then why didn't you use your Judo on him?"
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#387071 - 03/18/08 06:24 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: trevek]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
LOL!

There was once a question asked in the self defense forum here when I use to moderate it that will forever be in my mind.

"How do I beat up fat people that throw crazy aggressive punches?"
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#387072 - 03/18/08 06:30 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: BrianS]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
"Can you do chi-blast? Can you disappear or levitate?"
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#387073 - 03/18/08 11:37 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: MattJ]
Sorin Offline
Member

Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 131
Loc: Oxford, MS
One guy who I met told me he was creating his own art called "Fat boy Karate". He was of course a little overweight, but had no experience in martial arts aside from watching movies. He once asked me if I could handle this one move he invented. He then attempted to do a roll and ended up looking like a turtle stuck on his back....

Another time, I was running the class and some new guy came in and wanted to join. I "sensed" he might be a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He worked out with us, but we wouldn't let him spar. When we were about to start, he asked me if he could grab a wooden sword and jump in the fight like a ninja, while we were sparring and attack us.



Sorin

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#387074 - 03/19/08 12:49 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Sorin]
drgndrew Offline
< a god, > a man.
Enthusiast

Registered: 01/09/05
Posts: 599
Loc: Toowoomba, Qld, Australia
actual question.
" how would you defend against someone sneaking up behind you and hitting you in the back of the head before you knew they where there"

Well I guess i would try real hard not to loose consciousness, or I would fall down and hope I wake up anally intact.


Edited by drgndrew (03/19/08 12:51 AM)
_________________________
Sumo Pacis (Choose Peace)

With Honour in Bushido
Drew Guest
www.ToowoombaSelfDefence.websyte.com.au
Bushi Dojos Self Protection
Toowoomba Self Defence

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#387075 - 03/19/08 01:01 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: drgndrew]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas


I love those questions! What would you do if I did this?
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#387076 - 03/19/08 01:39 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
Ed_Morris Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 6768
should this be in 'tales..' ?

when I was about 16, my derelict cousin asked me if I would show him the best way to break someone's elbow. When I asked him why, he explained a kid in school 'stole' his girlfriend. I told him it takes years to learn, hoping he'd drop it. so half-serious or half-joking (I couldn't tell) he offered to pay me to do it.


can you imagine...just walking up to someone..."excuse me, do you know what time it is?" - "why yes, it's....{looks at watch}" whooosh, SSSSSNAP! {elbow breaks} "thanks, have a nice day."

What the...?

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#387077 - 03/19/08 03:48 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: drgndrew]
ShikataGaNai Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 1163
Loc: Bellingham, WA
Answer:

"Why the H3LL would you sneak up and hit me in the back of the head? Last time I train you, JERK!"

Top
#387078 - 03/19/08 04:02 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: ShikataGaNai]
drgndrew Offline
< a god, > a man.
Enthusiast

Registered: 01/09/05
Posts: 599
Loc: Toowoomba, Qld, Australia
Quote:

Answer:

"Why the H3LL would you sneak up and hit me in the back of the head? Last time I train you, JERK!"




LOL ....... wish i had thought of that at the time
_________________________
Sumo Pacis (Choose Peace)

With Honour in Bushido
Drew Guest
www.ToowoombaSelfDefence.websyte.com.au
Bushi Dojos Self Protection
Toowoomba Self Defence

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#387079 - 03/19/08 10:38 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
janxspirit Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/08
Posts: 132
Quote:

It's been said that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

We've each witnessed it both on FA.com, and in our everyday lives.

So, this is the thread where we get to post those stupid martial arts-related questions or statements we've been assailed with.

There are two important rules here:

No names, and no games.
Meaning, don't identify the screen names or real names of the guilty party. Their ignorance is punishment enough.

Also, these have to be questions or statements you have personally witnessed yourself, not something you heard through your friend's uncle's barber.

Here's one to get the ball rolling:

Someone (with no MA experience whatsoever) once asked me how long it would take to go from black belt to rainbow belt, and they were completely serious.

When I informed him there was no such thing, he told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

(Thanks to ButterflyPalm for suggesting this thread)




Yeah, that's a pretty dumb question.

I've had people ask me if I'm sure boxing style covering is ueful in a fight.

That's a pretty stupid question.
_________________________
St. Louis MMA Boxing Grappling

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#387080 - 03/19/08 03:33 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: janxspirit]
jude33 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/14/07
Posts: 1539
Quote:



Yeah, that's a pretty dumb question.

I've had people ask me if I'm sure boxing style covering is ueful in a fight.

That's a pretty stupid question.




A silly question might be ;

Which specific technique in boxing style covering are you / they refering to?

What kind of fight are you/ they refering to.?

Competition with boxing gloves? such as Thai boxing?
MMA gloves?
Bareknuckle fight? as in in the ring barekuckle fight?
Bareknuckle as in street fight?


Jude


Edited by jude33 (03/19/08 03:41 PM)

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#387081 - 03/19/08 05:44 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: jude33]
McSensei Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 1068
Loc: Kent, England
The one question that seemed to come up a hell of a lot while I was teaching would be, "What would you do if you were hit with a baseball bat?"

The usual answer went along the lines of, "Fall down bleeding and convulsing probably."

The look of puzzlement was priceless.
_________________________
http://www.semtexgym.co.uk/

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#387082 - 03/19/08 09:31 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3113
Loc: East Coast, United States
"...Sensei can you tell me where we can find a REAL karotty school..." (sic. having taken classes for a full session, longer and occasionally even years)



Jeff

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#387083 - 03/19/08 10:23 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Ronin1966]
clmibb Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 1035
Loc: South Texas, US
VDJ I had a similar situation. When I was fresh out of high school, I worked at a popular sandwich shop (I won't give the name but it's the same as a form of public transportation). After spending a week closing the shop by myself, I told the manager that I wasn't comfortable closing alone. I suggested that he come up and just sit in the office while I close up. I didn't want his help, just to be another person there. He asked what I was afraid of.
Me:"UH Being robbed."
Him:"Why?"
Me:"Because I don't want to be robbed."
Him:"But aren't you a black belt?"
Me"Yeah but that doesn't mean that I WANT to be robbed."
Him:"Yeah but you don't have anything to worry about."
Me:"How do you figure?"
Him:"Because you could just kick the guy's ass."
Me:"Look Bucko, if you think for one second that I'm going to risk getting hurt for THIS, HA! You have some serious thinking to do."
I never went back to work for him. He called me after missing work for 3 days and asked why I never came in. "Sorry but I can't work for someone who can't look out for their employee's safety."

Casey
_________________________
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."- Ronald Reagan


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#387084 - 03/20/08 04:16 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3113
Loc: East Coast, United States
What did I do?

(child B howling in pain because child A stomped his foot-big toe deliberately as hard as I have ever seen it done turning the nail bed absolutely black instantly solely because that thought (STOMP) happened to come through his (child A's) tiny little brain)

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#387085 - 03/20/08 04:54 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
BigBox Offline
Newbie

Registered: 03/20/08
Posts: 16
Loc: United States
Yah, well maybe he got confused with the weird rainbow belt on karatedepot.com i laughed at it cause its not a real belt but it exists so be might have got confused lol.
_________________________
Raising the ranks in Martial Arts and fitness.

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#387086 - 03/20/08 06:24 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Zombie Zero]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3113
Loc: East Coast, United States
A three minute talk and demonstrations (done four times very slowly & very carefully.) Told to "practice it now"
a child sitting in the front line of the class suddenly asks

"WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?"



Jeff

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#387087 - 03/21/08 05:54 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Ronin1966]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
Ah yes, I get that in English classes too. It usually follows 5 minutes after my stupid question, "Do you know what you are supposed to be doing?"
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#387088 - 03/21/08 12:24 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: trevek]
ButterflyPalm Offline
Enigma

Registered: 08/26/04
Posts: 2637
Loc: Malaysia
Me:- The funeral is at 10 tomorrow.

Old Aunt:- Is that am or pm?
_________________________
I'll rather be happy than right, anytime.

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#387089 - 03/22/08 04:09 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: ButterflyPalm]
TKD_X Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 786
Loc: HERE
I can't believe that no one has put this one in yet.

"Can you break bricks with your head?"

One of these days i'm gonna do it just so everyone will stop asking.
_________________________
Are you ok!?!? It was an accident! No really! I promise!

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#387090 - 03/27/08 11:11 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: TKD_X]
Ironfoot Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 06/10/04
Posts: 2682
Loc: St. Clair Shores, MI USA
After another BB and I sparred at a demo, we were asked "Why did you guys move around so much?" We simultaneously answered "Because we don't want to be hit". This guy had watched too many KungFu Theatre movies where the antagonists stand rooted in place and take turns punching and blocking. He hadn't seen too much 'angling' in those films.
_________________________

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#387091 - 04/05/08 03:37 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Ironfoot]
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
During a sparring match;

Uke moves in and tries to roundhouse kick me. After a few attemps he stops and looks at me.

Uke: Why are you moving away from me?!

Taison: . . . .
(Thinks to himself) Cuz I don't want to get hit?

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

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#387092 - 04/09/08 03:53 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Taison]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
My best friend who is mostly inteligent has a very high opinion of Shaolin Kung Fun masters and says (seriously) that they are he best fighters in the world and that UFC champions wouldn't even really stand much of a chance. I still wonder how serious he actually is.

There is always the thing I keep hearing about some UFC fighter getting his neck broken (he died apparently) a few years ago.

I had one guy tell me all about how Ninjas or some such could (barehanded) rip a mans heart clean out of his chest.

My uncle is a security guard and says he knows a guy who teaches people how to make chi shields and shoot chi blasts. My uncle doesn't have enough money to learn it. What a shame.

Bruce Lee was killed by Shaolin monks for teaching their secrets. that's always a good one.

I think it is a laugh that a 17 year old guy I know (ATA 3rd degree black belt) is an instructor. I realize he is a National Champion (in pure ATA competition) but still.

Another friend who is 16 says that Team Chaos (mma) asked him to help them train fighters (when he was 15) because he was just really good (he has no MA formal training whatsoever. He is a pretty good bawlr though I'll give him that). I wonder if it's true?! lol He says he wasn't impressed cuz all the guys were kind of small.

Chuck Norris can touch mc hammer (Just thought I'd throw that out there).
It's pretty funny that I once (over a year and a half or so period) tried to create my own martial art. Not a question or statement but pretty retarded. I actually worked hard on it too, I had a big binder full of printouts of techniques and principles that I liked from literally about a dozen martial arts.
My first name was Shotokai (till I figured out it was taken). I was in middle school at the time so go easy on me.


Edited by Stormdragon (04/09/08 04:00 AM)
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#387093 - 04/09/08 06:19 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Taison]
Triddle Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 129
Loc: Australia
Heard this one one too many times, infact there was a time when I felt a little insulted to hear it, but now I've perfected the defense....

"So, you're into martial arts?"
... "Yeah."
"Hah, reakon you can beat me?"
*Punches*
... "Yeah."

Ok, the last response is just what I WANT to do when someone asks this, it's normally more like...

"Hah, reakon you can beat me?"
... "Dunno," (after all I'm probably only twice the guy's size!) "I'd rather not find out."

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#387094 - 05/03/08 07:31 PM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Triddle]
Bestlookerhere Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 27
After class a spectator comes up and says

"I noticed you were defending wrong when you shoot in, your wide open to a kick."

"Oh yeah? Hmm...lets try it?"

A few minutes later he's on the mat with me.

"So when I shoot in you try and kick. Ready?"

"Yep"

BAM

as he eats the mat.

"I Uh...wasn't ready."

"Okay...one more time?"

"Nah..I uh..don't want to hurt yah."


True story and I've never been so amused in my life.
_________________________
I'll take a chance before the chance has gone.

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#387095 - 05/11/08 02:25 AM Re: There are no stupid questions... YEAH RIGHT! [Re: Bestlookerhere]
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
Quite recently;

Gai: Kneeing can't be countered in the clinch, that's why MT is the uber art. Wanna try?
Taison: MT rules or MMA?
Gai: Anything, but heck MMA rules. Knees can't be countered, that's why all those Krotty guys lose when they fight in Thailand.
Taison: You sure?
Gai: Yes
Taison: It might hurt a bit. .
Gai: Pff, as if

*Gai puts me in a clinch and knees twice. I block the first, and then proceed to slam him to the mat before going for the ude-garami hold*

Gai: That's cheating!
Taison: That's MMA, throws are allowed. That's why grapplers usually wins over pure MT boxers.
Gai: Not true, they come here and get their arses kicked most of the time *gets interupted*
Taison: Because the rules doesn't allows throws.
~Silence~

Sigh... Ignorance at it's best~

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

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