It's been said that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

We've each witnessed it both on FA.com, and in our everyday lives.

So, this is the thread where we get to post those stupid martial arts-related questions or statements we've been assailed with.

There are two important rules here:

No names, and no games.
Meaning, don't identify the screen names or real names of the guilty party. Their ignorance is punishment enough.

Also, these have to be questions or statements you have personally witnessed yourself, not something you heard through your friend's uncle's barber.

Here's one to get the ball rolling:

Someone (with no MA experience whatsoever) once asked me how long it would take to go from black belt to rainbow belt, and they were completely serious.

When I informed him there was no such thing, he told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

(Thanks to ButterflyPalm for suggesting this thread)

Does this count ?

"but I do know he should immediately register his hands as deadly weapons with the local law enforcement. "

I think that would fall under the category of 'statement'...not a 'question'.

Just last month I took my wife out for her birthday to a little pub that is close to our house that has some pretty talented karoke singers (no I do NOT participate, they haven't made that much alcohol yet). While we were there we ran into the parents of one of the kids that train at our dojang. After recognizing me he introduced me to a friend of his and says him "You should talk to this guy, he's one of the instructors where my kid takes TKD. He can tell you what you should have done". He then turns and says to me "He was held up at gun point last week (he worked in some kind of store), what should he have done ?" I turned to the friend and asked "What did you do ?" he said "I gave him the money and called the cops." I said, "you did exactly what I would have done and then I would have said a prayer of thanks that I wasn't shot." The parent then said to me "But your a black belt". I looked at him shook my head and walked away. Amazing that he thought a black belt is an equalizer to a firearm. I hope he's not filling his kids head with this garbage.

VDJ

Got a similar one:

I was at a bar with some friends at a time when I was a new black belt. I was actually talking with the bouncer about his work when his eyes moved from mine to behind me and he got up suddenly. I turned and there were 4 very large Samoan (sorry if the spelling's wrong) fighting with 2 much smaller guys. I bottle was thrown then one was swinging a pool cue, and making contact. I watched as the bouncers rouded them all up and moved them outside.

After, my friend looks at me and completely serious asks me, "Why didn't you jump in? Don't you want to show off your skils?" To which I promptly replied, "If we're out somewhere and you GET me into a fight, you're going to be figthing me immediately after." I had no stake in the fight, I wasn't in danger and the bar had people who GET PAID TO HANDLE THESE THINGS. And they did quite quickly. Just because I'm a martial artist doesn't mean I have some burning desire to jump in the middle of every stupid drunk altercation to test my skillz.

Something I find particularly irksome -- Questions about Bruce Lee in the present tense:

"How many miles does Bruce Lee run every day?"
"What type of nunchucks does Bruce Lee use?"

The answer to both is none. He's still dead.

I can relate to the bouncer situation. I worked as a bouncer on a busy college campus. An elderly, seemingly homeless man came in, carrying a broken guitar. I dont know why the other bouncers let him in because he was clearly drunk when he came in. Anyway later on he starts drinking more and is swinging his guitar around coming close to hitting people with it.
I approached him, asked him to leave. He responded with a few unpleasantries and then proceeded to bring his guitar up to hit me. I quickly closed the distance and just held him against the wall so he couldnt complete his swing. Then I escorted him out the door.
Afterward I had people coming up to me constantly asking " Man why didnt you beat the crap outta that guy?" Your a black belt, I would knocked that old guy out."

I can just picture the headlines the next morning if I had hurt the guy. "Young bouncer pummels homeless elderly man in a bar........

Teacher: "If you attack and your opponent brings his guard up, change the angle and attack the opening.:

Student: "What if the opponent doesn't bring his guard up?"

Ok, that's not so stupid as to make someone stupid for asking it, but still gets LOLZ.

Oh, oh - and that's POST 1000

congrats on the 1000!

I recall many moons ago, as a 14 year old who had been doing Judo for about a month or two, when I was standing outside a Chinese chippy with some equally 14/15 year old friends. Some big, drunk biker/heavy-metal type (of at least 20 years) came up and started laying into me for no reason ("You wuz lookin' at me").

Later my dad, with a disgusted look, asked, "Then why didn't you use your Judo on him?"

LOL!

There was once a question asked in the self defense forum here when I use to moderate it that will forever be in my mind.

"How do I beat up fat people that throw crazy aggressive punches?"