Here is an oldy but a goody...still makes me chuckle a bit.
*You might be a Martial Arts Junkie if...
.....After every date instead of a kiss, you go for an arm lock.
.....You can recite the words to all of Bruce Lee's movies, but not the Gettysburg Address.
.....You have more GI than street clothes.
.....You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church.
.....You consider a punch to the chest, acceptable greetings.... for BOTH sexes.
.....You throw out your house furniture to make room for your trophies.
.....People invite you to a costume party, and then tell you that you can't dress up as a "Ninja, Samurai... etc. or any of that other stuff you do everyday."
.....You think, Two Chinese guys flying through the air and beating each other senseless because of "My Style is better than your style" is actually a good plot for a movie.
.....You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner table.
.....You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
.....Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc. You just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop help is standing cautiously far, far away from you.
.....When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons.
.....You shut the refrigerator door with a side thrust kick.
.....The Twelve Days of Christmas in your house becomes: one boxing bag, two boxing gloves, three shin pads (includes an extra pad for the one you'll inevitably lose), four Tokaido gi's, five rolls of adhesive tape....twelve cases of Tiger Balm.
.....You actually think that sweat really is the fountain of youth.
.....Your family nickname is "Rice Crispy," because when you get out of bed in the morning, there's a deafening sound of snap, crackle and pop!
.....The only friends you have, either have been kicked, or have kicked you in the groin at least once in your life.
.....You haven't got room in your garage for a car, because your mats, heavy bag, training dummy, etc., etc., are in the way.
.....You size up members of the opposite sex, not on beauty, but on training scars.
.....You think GI is acceptable business attire.
.....You ALWAYS have a Gi in your car....just in case.
.....You NEVER go on vacation, because you don't want to miss "sparring night" in class.
.....When you ARE forced to go on vacation, you leave essentials such as shampoo, razor, pants, out of your suitcase so you have room for Gi.
.....The first thing you do when you get to your destination, for vacation is look in the hotel yellow pages for a school to train at.
.....You punch when you sneeze.
.....You think rolling around all night with sweaty guys is entertainment, and your not a woman or gay.
.....You have arguments with non-martial artists friends about the validity of a hold from last nights WWF.
.....Your house is decorated in tatami.
.....Your children work out their differences "on the mat".
.....You get addressed at your child's PTA meeting as "That Karate Guy".
.....You remember Bruce Lee's Birthday, but can't remember your parent's, spouse's, etc.
.....You've ever spent a holiday such as Christmas, Valentine's Day, in the Dojo training, instead of home with family.
.....You buy your clothes based on "Fighting Durability" versus Fashion.
.....You've ever stood on something really tall and thought, "I could Break fall from this."
.....You've ever done kata in the shower.
.....have the urge to bow every time you enter or leave a room.
.....You are more concerned about being rested up for a tournament than going to your prom.
.....Instead of renting a video with your girlfriend, you put in the "Choke" video in for the 100th time and explain to your girlfriend how awesome the choke/video is.
.....You wake up in the middle of the night and find that the beanbag chair that was at the foot of your bed is now in your guard.
.....Your girlfriend starts getting cauliflower ears and has a decent guard from practicing on her.
.....When getting out of bed, you put your outside foot just out of the covers and then elevator the covers off of you.
.....Whenever some one greets you with open arms you shoot for a takedown.
.....You realize your putting yourself into a arm bar or choke when bored.
.....You start teaching your 10 month old baby, the mount, the side mount and the guard.
.....When someone tries to give you a hug you immediately drop into base and hip throw.
.....When you practice chokes on anyone that turn his back at you.
.....You find it fun putting house pets (dogs, cats) into locks, chokes and holds.
.....You try to get grandma to do a foot lock on you.
.....You are constantly staring at other people's ears at bars and clubs to see who is a grappler.
.....Your name begins with an "R" but you insist that it is pronounced with an "H" sound, "Hichard", "Hick", "Hyan", "Hodney".
.....When talking with friends, boss, relatives you eye them up to see which would be easier to take on them: the armbar or the choke.
.....You actually believe the "one armed monk" story.
.....You actually know the "one armed monk" story.
by Bill MacCumbee