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#358752 - 08/29/07 11:44 AM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: jpoor]
clmibb Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 1035
Loc: South Texas, US
I was thinking about this thread this moring and my thoughts are with Jim. Really sit down with him and ask him why he doesn't like to spar. Maybe there was another student who was more aggressive than him and caused him to back off even more from it. See if he'd be more comfortable sparring the BBs in class (seeing how a BB SHOULD have more control than white and yellow belts). Build his confidence and see in a few months if he'd be more comfortable with students closer to his own rank.

Casey
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#358753 - 08/29/07 12:02 PM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: clmibb]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Don't expect much of an articulate reply from an 11 year old.

You know: I'm 46...and I don't like to fight! It's why I looked into an art that I thought would not involve physical contact. (Of course, one get's that sooner or later.) There are all kinds of 'reasons' people will give for not wanting to do something...and sometimes we're barely aware if there are other, deeper reasons for our likes/dislikes. For all you know, the kid is exploring pacifism (a little young), or 'daddy used to beat on mommy' (and it brings on flashbacks), or he is an undiagnosed asthmatic (and panic/fear triggers shortness of breath), or he is lazy, or was brought up 'not to hit'.

The problem with schools that focus on benchmarks is that it leaves kids behind that need more time to reach those points, or who simply can't approach those points from the same path.

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#358754 - 08/29/07 01:55 PM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: Yuushi]
medulanet Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 2142
Loc: Phoenix, Arizona USA
It seems you have laid the ground work for him to begin sparring, just approach it another way. Some people have a psychological block when it comes to "fighting" or "sparring" just refer to it as a drill. Explain that it is just like the two person drills, except one person can use any technique they want and the other person can only defend. Then switch it so the other person is attacking and the other is defending. Eventually you should be able to work him up to both doing whatever they want, attacking or defending which would be sparring. A lot of people don't like sparring because they are afraid to fail or to lose. In a drill there is no winning or losing just training. That is how sparring should be, however, I think we all know who that can go. Always stress that those are drills and he should be fine. You may even want to start doing the regular two man drills you do with the pads on. That will get him used to using them when exchanging techniques with another person and further acclamate him to the sparring, oh, I mean drilling sessions.

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#358755 - 08/29/07 02:40 PM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: medulanet]
AndrewGreen Offline
shadow-lurker

Registered: 01/11/06
Posts: 170
Seems like taking swimming lessons and not wanting to get wet to me...?

Fighting is not barbaric, unless it becomes about hurting the other person and not caring about there welfare. Otherwise play fighting is one game that every animal on the planet seems to enjoy naturally, humans included.

http://innovativema.ca/forum/view.php?pg=whywefight

Articles linked at the bottom are a good read as well
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#358756 - 08/29/07 05:21 PM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: AndrewGreen]
ironsifu Offline
Member

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 37
Loc: sacramento, CA
the bottom line of this discussion is that martial arts is not for everyone. some people are in the business to train fighters, and teach people to defend. some are in business to held their hands. i have a problem with schools that advertise they are true martial arts school, when he is really a day care center. there is nothing wrong if you want to make money with the martial arts. but when you try to make it "one size fit all", and not even teach the real art of fighting, and use "good grades, fun, respect, blah blah blah", you are no longer martial arts school.

you are a self defense teacher, not a physcologist. if the boy needs mental help, send him to the professional. dont make promises to parents this is dishonest. "miss, you want your boy to walk with confidence, send him to me, i guarantee in one year nobody will mess with him." but if he's talking back to his mom and dad, tell them to beat his ass. if he skipping home work or cant pass the test, send him to a tutor (or hire one and let them tutor kids. i did this for my high school kids is a great idea).

martial arts is not for everyone, just like gymnastics, just like accelerated math, just like football. either you want it or you dont. give him a excited talk to get him to stay, but dont beg. martial arts is not "one size fits all". keep your arts pure, and hold your head up around the guys in the top of the food chain.

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#358757 - 09/06/07 01:51 PM Re: "I don't wanna' fight" [Re: ironsifu]
Yuushi Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 39
Loc: New Hampshire
Well, my teacher and I talked to the class as a whole. trying to get the point across that to do karate you have to do all parts of Karate, or we won't promote you. We then asked everybody what they liked and disliked about karate. The boy said that he didn't like pain. True he does get hurt sometimes in sparring... everyone does. Pain was the reason he chose not to spar, or at least part of the reason. The other day we did spar, and he did join in. I'm glad he chose to. Hopefully he'll stick with it.

Well I just want to say thanks everyone for your advice. This is definitely a deep subject and could be brought a lot further, and its pry something I'll encounter again some other time. I can definitely see this branching off into some other martial arts topics, but those are definitely for another time.

Thanks all.
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