This week has been my turn to face the suffering that is my organization's call center.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, people call with the dumbest questions. (think along the lines of "where's the any key?")

But none of them hold a candle to the question I was asked just moments ago...

I was in the mens room, washing my hands, minding my own business, when some guy asks me...

"Do women ever shower in here?"

I can't make this stuff up.

I told him I really didn't think so, and why did he ask?

"Because there isn't a shower in the Ladies Room."



I just said "Oh" and made my way out of there.

So, now that my initial befuddlement is over, what's the weirdest question you've been asked lately?

actual conversation I had a few years ago with a client...

dippy: "why is that printer light blinking?"

me: "because it's out of paper"

dippy: "oh...is there something I have to do?"

me: "no, you can just leave it like that."

dippy: "oh ok, just wanted to make sure it wasn't broken 'cuz I need to print later today."

{dippy calls back 2 hours later sounding a little iritated}

dippy: "how do I put more paper in the printer?"

Nothing lately but two that really stand out over the years. Just to let you know I work for a specialty chemical company and I take calls for inside sales and customer service, among other things.

Incident 1:

Caller: Yeh ... uh ... I was at a party and I went into this person's parents room and there was this white powder on their dresser so I licked it.

Me: Okay ....

Caller: Yeh ... I'm having some type of reaction to it and I went to my doctors and they want to know what the white powder was? What was it?

Me: To be honest, I would have no idea what the white powder was.

Caller: Well you are a chemical company you should know.

Me: With thousands of different chemicals out there I should know what type of powder was in a person's house on their counter?

Caller: Well I need to know otherwise the doctors cannot properly treat me and I'm having all kinds of problems.

Me: What I would suggest is going back to that house where the party was and ask them what the white powder was.

Caller: I can't do that. I shouldn't have been in the bedroom in the first place and I don't want them to know. Plus I would feel stupid asking them.

Me: So let me understand you. You would feel stupid for asking what some type of white powder is ... though you are suffering and need to know for the doctors to help you? That you were foolish enough to lick some unknown white powder in somebody's house in a bedroom where you had no business being? Is that correct?

Caller: Pretty much. So what was the powder?

Me: I would suggest calling your local Poison Centre, go back to your doctor or go back to this house and find out what it was.

Caller: So you can't tell me what the powder was?

Me: click


Incident 2:

I took a call from one of our US Distributors.

Caller: I have not received my order, where is it?

Me: I have nothing being held and I have not received any orders as of recently.

Caller: I faxed it a week or so ago.

Me: I'm sorry but we did not receive any fax.

Caller: If you don't receive my faxes you should call to tell us.

I work for a credit card processor in the software division, and we made a list of calls, but only a few of them are translateable to the outside world. One of them goes:
her "I need to know why my software is running slow."
me: "Let's check out your system specs."
Our software needs 128 megs of Ram. She had 120 and on top of that she was running eight separate programs.

Another common one is that during the install process, IF you have a previous version of our software, you can do an upgrade to transfer data over. The screen reads "If you are upgrading from a previous version and would like to transfer the data over, click yes. Otherwise click no." They still ask us what they should select.

My school is in an old tuberculosis hospital that has been a community center for many years now. In our room we have a men's restroom and a women's restroom. Because the building is old, there are doors that seem to lead to no where or there are closets in places that doesn't really make sense. Anyway, in the men's restroom there is one toilet and one sink. The women's has three toilets and two sinks and an old shower that is used as a storage closet for the mop (not my idea but hey whatever works right?). It also has two doors side by side that lead to the same room. I had one new parent ask me if I knew where the bathrooms were. I informed her that there were men's and women's restrooms in the room and pointed to where each of them were. "I saw that but I don't know which one to go into; the one on the left or right." "The one labeled 'women' is the one you'd go into." "Yeah but there's 2 doors." Most people would have just gone into one of the doors and hoped for the best. "Ma'am they go to the same room." "But which one do I go in?" "The right one. Make sure you exit the opposite door to prevent any mishaps."

Casey

How about internal people that don't have brains. As I said I work for a chemical company and answer calls for inside sales and customer service. The receptionist is always in a panic to get rid of calls without asking too many questions and dumps them on me. Many are not for me but she gives them to me anyways. I've been passed calls to ask when people are out of meetings when I had no idea they were in a meeting nor would I have any clue when they were out or would even care for my position. I also too received a funny call:

Caller: Hi, I'd like to know about the Kotex pads.

Me: Sorry, Kotex pads?

Caller: Yes, what can you tell me about them?

Me: Uh ... may I ask who you think you have called?

Caller: ********* Drugs.

Me: I'm sorry you've called ********* Chemicals that manufactures specialty chemicals.

Caller: Oh, sorry. (Click)

The receptionist is a woman and she could not have figured out what Kotex pads were and that it had nothing to do with our company ... please!

Or I would be transferred calls from our aging population. Our phone number is a couple of digits out from a banking facility and old people will call in wondering if their cheques for old age pension has arrived. I'm transferred these calls and have to tell these people to dial the correct number as we cannot help them. I'm sure I speak to the same old people time and time again. Like the receptionist can't figure out that when somebody asks for their old age pension cheque that it has nothing to do with us.

Not to mention calls I get where she cannot understand the caller due to a heavy accent so she passes them on to me. It used to be a running joke among the ladies in our office to do this and then when I was on the phone trying to understand these people they would gather around and laugh. Now heavy accents are not so bad for me and I make out fine understanding the majority of them. Stupid people at work are almost annoying as stupid people calling in.

This one actually happens a lot.

Random Person: Is that a tattoo?(pointing to my fully tattooed arm)

Me: No, it is a birthmark.

I also like it when people ask if it hurts to get a tattoo... Lets see, several needles digging into your skin in rapid succession for an extended period of time, nah doesn't hurt a bit.

-Jeff

I get the same question about my tattoos.

Nah, didn't hurt a bit. A kitten licked it on.

HEHEHE you guys sound like me
People: "Is that tat real?"
Me: "Naw man it's a lick and stick that I haven't been able to wash off for 9 years now."

Casey