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#329494 - 03/19/07 09:33 AM stages
student_of_life Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 1032
Loc: Newfoundland, Canada
hey guys,

bit of a sob story here, well my girl friend broke up with me last week, before you jump to conclusions im not looking for advice, i just wanted to comment on the stages i think i've went through.

while it was happening, i was more or less consumed by what was happening, all the time trying yo convince myslef to use my martial training, and try and let the attachment go. lets just say i truly am my own worst enemy. first was a weird kind of agreement, then after time to think about it, regret and the like, then mad, first at her, then me, then every thing else. and now, looking for another chance, lol, im not done with "the process" yet, so i might fill you in if this thread is not deleted for the content.

i havent done any research yet on different takes on the process people go through, but from what i can remember this is suposed to be normal??? i hope.

can any one realte to this? i'm going to be doing the research on my own. i know loosing a girl friend is no where near as dramaitc as some of the things that have happened to some people on this forum, and im sorry if im gloryfying this, i just wanted to get a discussion going between some people who have delt with a similar kind of process dealing with personal loss. again,im sorry if im making a moutian out of a mole hill. so please entertain the idea if you wish, or delete the thread if its not relevent or against any rules, i'll leave it to the mods.

yours in life
_________________________
its not supposed to make sense

Top
#329495 - 03/19/07 09:44 AM Re: stages [Re: student_of_life]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Depends on the martial artist. Personally, I don't differentiate between life and MA...lessons learned on the dojo floor have impacted the rest of my life...and who 'I' was before training affected how I perceived MA. Forgive the cliches:

'Life is shugyo.'
'That which does not kill me makes me stronger.'
'Live to train, and train to live.'

'This too shall pass.'

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#329496 - 03/19/07 09:45 AM Re: stages [Re: student_of_life]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
Sol,
One of the most common models for grieving a loss is the work of Dr. Elizibeth Kubler Ross. Wheither it is a girlfriend, death, or even the loss of your wallet the process is usually similar. Sorry to hear about your break up.

Five Stages Of Grief

Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

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#329497 - 03/19/07 09:51 AM Re: stages [Re: oldman]
student_of_life Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 1032
Loc: Newfoundland, Canada
thanks harlen and oldman for your almost supernatural like resonpse time.

and that model you outlined is a really makes sense, thanks again. wow though, the isolation, the anger, this is freaky, is this lady spying on me?

and harlen,

i agree and i don't agree with the martial arts training is life, now that im in the situation, it almost feels like im belitteling the problem?? i guess that represents a lack of faith in my training??i'll work it out yet.

yours in life
_________________________
its not supposed to make sense

Top
#329498 - 03/20/07 07:41 AM Re: stages [Re: student_of_life]
jkdwarrior Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 341
Loc: belfast, Antrim, Ireland
Was she the first girl you ever felt that way about?

The first cut is the deepest
_________________________
Sticks n stones'll break my bones, but if I land the first one, you're in trouble!

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#329499 - 03/20/07 09:24 AM Re: stages [Re: student_of_life]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
Sol,

A burden shared is lessened,

A joy shared is multiplied.



Top
#329500 - 03/20/07 11:06 AM Re: stages [Re: oldman]
Shadowtitan Offline
Member

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 201
Loc: UK
If only life was that simple.
_________________________
~Whaa?

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#329501 - 03/20/07 02:24 PM Re: stages [Re: jkdwarrior]
student_of_life Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 1032
Loc: Newfoundland, Canada
no, this girl wasn't the first. not that im a man ho, just shes not the first.lol

yours in life
_________________________
its not supposed to make sense

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