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#329036 - 03/16/07 06:44 AM 'Inner Demons'
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
Being a buddhist, I meditate everyday for around 10-20 minutes.

These last 3 weeks have been disturbing for me. I'm constantly in a wrestle with my 'inner demons'. It's not like I see demons or something, but it's more to do with my thoughts, lust and cravings (no, not pizza and cheese).

I think I'll start with a little background story. Well, since December, I've been living with a high-school friend trying to teach him some university subjects, well he lives in another person's house at that time, and she had a boyfriend. I'll refer him as 'Mark' from now on.

Anyway, during that period (dec-jan 14) wasn't the best time in my life. Not only was I unable to train in martial arts like I wanted to, but I had to keep a low profile as I was living in his house (which I hated).

After 2 weeks or so, Mark found out that I do martial arts. That was the beginning. At that time I was out-of-shape, I hadn't been training for 3 months, and living in his house I refused to show off any skills. But anyway, he kept talking about MA. He had some very interesting opinions about martial arts. He said it was 'gay', that there is no 'sportsmanship' and MA is for girls. He also added the opinion that 'real' men does professional wrestling and boxing.

I didn't give him my views since, I was living in his house, but afterwards, he kept insulting me. Don't really know why. For instance this one occassion, I walked into the house since I went out for lunch. As I was strolling in, he tried to do a spinning kicked which looked pathetic. I asked him "You can't kick?", and he replied "No, but you can't either". I told him "Err.. I can kick" and he then replied again "maybe, but you're slow". Last time I sparred, I was able to kick faster than my opponent's jab. Not boasting, but just trying to say that he's quite wrong.

Anyway, I had to spend 2 months of him bashing me and martial arts. Since I have good manners and don't talk back, he's gotten quite confident that he's able to beat martial artists. He does bodybuilding (the one you work for looks, not functional strength) and keeps advertising stuff like he's able to punch so hard, and his upper body is very effective and stuff like that.

So when I finally left the house, I still had him on msn. So not living in his house, I had on myspace a little info that said I have 1st dan in both jujutsu and kickboxing. I also said that both are good fitness and self-defense. What do I get? He calls me a fake and 'phoney' and that you can't do MA and fitness together.

Suffice to say, I didn't argue as I knew, if I did show him my certificates he'd probably say it was fake. I can't really blame him, most normal MA people don't look like the guys in UFC or Pride. Anyway, I cut off contact as it wasn't really in my interest to have a flaming with an ignorant [censored]. So after I cut him off, he's been talking to a lot of his friends and some of them have branded me a liar, thanks to him. I also don't have a good understanding of the girl I'm trying to date now because he secretly added her on msn, and have been talking [censored] behind my back.

So fast forward to now, and I'm having trouble sleeping. Everytime I meditate those events just pop into my head. Everytime I close my eyes I hear his voice calling MA gay and only gay people do them.

It's eating away from the inside. Everytime I workout, everytime I hit the bag, his words gets into my skull. When I sit infront of the computer it just gets me.

I don't know. I need to get this 'demon' out of my head. I'm a buddhist but I didn't learn philosophical stuff like how to get rid of thoughts and the like.

I also feel if I go 'Rocky' on him and challenge him to a fight, it would be against all that I've been taught. 'Defend the weak' not 'hurt the weak'. Although he's in good shape, I know exactly what will happen when he gets on the tatami.

I need help to get rid of these 'demons'. It's getting frustrating. I can't even have a good night sleep without him getting into my head. Meditating just amplifies these thoughts, and yes, I've woken up at night and start hitting the bag in the middle of the night in near total darkness.

This post is kind of weird for a mod, but like you I'm human, and sometimes I get frustrated and need help.

The reason I decided to share with you guys on the board is because, I don't know where to start. The psych said it'll go over, and honestly, I wanted to jab him right on the nose after 2 weeks of spending money on that guy. He hasn't helped a [censored] with this condition.

This might not sound very medition/philosophy oriented but trust me, it's got all to do about it.
So what should I do?

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

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#329037 - 03/16/07 07:11 AM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: Taison]
ThomsonsPier Offline
Member

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 475
Loc: Reading, UK
I doubt it's of much help to hear my opinion, but he sounds to me like a bully and a fool, of the type that wouldn't believe you were a martial artist if you handed him his limbs on a platter. The 'alpha male' type who took your refusal to rise to the bait as a sign of weakness and pounced on it.

Do you care about the opinions of any of his friends? Other than the girl you're trying to date, to whom you should possibly relay all of this (and perhaps find out her opinions of this chap), should anyone to whom he's spoken cause problems for you? You come across on the forum as a level headed and more than competent person and it sounds like a lot of circumstances conspired to hack you off recently. Others may have just given up.

I'm not a very spiritual person, so can't say much about the meditation side of things. It's my understanding that part of meditation involves dealing with all of the feelings you're describing so that they cease to be a problem.

I have a slightly different view on the 'help the weak' mindset, in that I extend it to say 'and deserving.' This idiot sounds like he could use a knock around the head, but perhaps you're a bigger person than I am.

Anyway, I hope you find something that helps.
_________________________
ThomsonsPier

War. It's fan-tastic!

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#329038 - 03/16/07 08:13 AM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: Taison]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Unless I planned on living the rest of my life in this one spot...I'd do my best not to make my life worse until I moved on. I mean, are his actions/speech are essentially affecting the possibility of jobs, career or dating? I don't know the culture you are living in, but going 'Rocky' on someone seems to have more serious repercussions where you are.

If I was training now, I'd ask the girl if she would like to come one time so she could understand what you were doing. Frankly, seeing 'your man' in that environment, and obviously competent, will override any BS talking from others. If she isn't interested...well...that doesn't bode well for future understanding. If she already understands and accepts...then you have nothing to worry about from another.

As for internet world of chat, myspace, martial arts forums and people that invest themselves there...get a life. Seriously...it seems like its a new form of gossip mongering, and cliques abound. Turn it off, move on...or join another band.

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#329039 - 03/16/07 08:27 AM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: harlan]
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
Well, most of his friends are friends with my friends, so the situation is a bit that there are either does that think I'm fake, and there's the people who doesn't care, but still don't really look at me straight.

Anyway, I'm not a very sociable person, so I don't really care, and I tried talking to the girl and she said "if you trust then don't worry", so I'm not really worried about her.

But still, I'd love to get those thoughts off my head for once. It's getting very frustrating when I'm trying to meditate. All I get are plans and tactics of how to beat him and such. Meditation is like the only time I can rest, and I get more plans? Sheesh, I just some peace and quiet.

Quote:

it seems like its a new form of gossip mongering, and cliques abound.


I agree with you there. MSN and Myspace is just a way to make relationships "brittle", it's just there to spread gossip or a celebrity show-off. I had mine there just because someone wouldn't stop fussing about it.

Quote:

If I was training now, I'd ask the girl if she would like to come one time so she could understand what you were doing. Frankly, seeing 'your man' in that environment, and obviously competent, will override any BS talking from others.


Maybe one day I'll do that, but unlike the forums, I don't talk about MA to people because their so narrow-minded, it's not really funny.

Oh well, I'm off to battle with my 'inner demons' again. Hopefully today, I'll fall asleep a bit faster so I don't overload my head with tactics and strategies. I mean, sheesh, he's just a bodybuilder with 0 skills.

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

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#329040 - 03/16/07 12:23 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: Taison]
butterfly Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/25/04
Posts: 3012
Loc: Torrance, CA
Taison,

That's too bad. The only way around this is to secure yourself in who and what you are within your being. In that case, it matters little what others really think you are, if you are true to yourself.

In the end, things come back, and a bit of ego-flexing on your part, if you did take him out and show him what-for....well, you might be happy for a minute or two and then suffer the consequences of regret. What then?

Better to know who you are and let others guess, than to prove rightly or wrongly that you are a good kicker, puncher, grappler whatever and beat the crap out of him. Will you gain his admiration or would he just contiune to spin what happened into something that makes you appear worse?

-B

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#329041 - 03/16/07 12:35 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: Taison]
RazorFoot Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 2064
Loc: Seated at the computer, DUH
I have run into a similar problem myself and I could not rectify it until I did confront the person. No, I didnt challenge him or beat him up. I simply asked what the problem was and if he had ever trained himself. When he said no, I gave him examples of other things that took dedication and required skill that weren't obvious to see just from looking at someone like NASCAR driving or Baseball. You can not tell someone is proficient at either of those unless you see it for yourself.

Then, when he asked to see, I simply showed him a few locks and techniques he could not counter or get out of and the problem slowly went away.

It helped me to calm myself without having to actually hurt the person challenging my ability. I simply showed him that he had a little to reconsider if someone "without skill" could completely incapacitate him. Sometimes a little embarrassment goes a long way but keep it friendly and let him see that you are not trying to hurt him but that if the shite hit the fan, there would be nothing he could do to stop it.

Others have made a good point about not being worried about what others have to say but for me, I get like you. It eats away at me until I confront the problem. Not viloently, just to illustrate that not all things are visible. Remember, to hear is to doubt, to see is to be deceived, but to feel is to believe.

Just my piece.

Scottie
_________________________
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be."

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#329042 - 03/16/07 01:29 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: RazorFoot]
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
Thanks for the advice Scottie.

I think I'll confront him sooner or later and do what you adviced.

Butterfly, err, Brad? It is not in my nature to hurt people for no reason. I might argue a lot, but to physically harm someone for a small reason isn't really my deal. If I wanted to feed my testosterone charge cravings, I'd enter a competition or something.

I'll see what I can do from within, if nothing helps, then I'll just confront him and show him "what I've got" on a friendly basis.

But I rather not talk to him, but sometimes, I might need to do that to get rid of these wacky ideas of beating him up.

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

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#329043 - 03/16/07 01:31 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: RazorFoot]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
I know how you feel I get mocked and insulted for practicing martial arts all the time. For me jsut hard training and fighting/sparring get's the anger out and reminds me they dont know anything and I could be the crap out of them anyway. Just train hard and do lot's of full ocntact fighting/sparring and you 'should' feel betetr though maybe not.
Just remind yourself he is an idiot.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#329044 - 03/16/07 01:37 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: Stormdragon]
Taison Offline
The Forum Dragon
Professional Poster

Registered: 09/06/05
Posts: 3629
Loc: BKK, Thailand
Trying to.

If only he'd stop spreading [censored] about me, then I wouldn't care much.

-Taison out
_________________________
I got two fists.. Don't make me use my head as well!

Top
#329045 - 03/16/07 02:00 PM Re: 'Inner Demons' [Re: RazorFoot]
sntint Offline
Newbie

Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 7
Loc: Virginia, USA
I would agree with Razorfoot (for whatever worth a newbie's opinion is. ) If there is indeed an "alpha male" aspect, there are non-violent ways to assert yourself. They may not fall in the realm of "non-aggressive", but aggression doesn't necessarily have to be violent or at somebody else's loss.

Asserting oneself isn't always about proving one's superiority. You're just proving your equality. Granted, the situation could then still escalate, but if you can reason him down from his anger, then you'll come out the better person. If he attacks out of anger, then you're defending yourself. Only go as far as necessary.

Probably not the best advice, but I am only a newbie.

-Alan

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