What about the Israeli army combat training? I've heard that's nasty stuff.

Bboy-ryu.

The art of breakdancing.

After all, who would want to kill a guy that can spin on his head/elbows/knees/shoulders....?

A 14th century rapier in one hand, and a bowie knife in the other. I would use spanish and italian fencing methods form the 14th-16th centuries, a paintball gun filled with pepperballs, muay thai, BJJ, and wwII style combatives.
Oh and my mom, she'd kill everyone, or jsut have all the guys going gaga over her. I should send her to iraq.

Stick fighting. Staff and duel batons. And good ol, JKD.

In all seriousness, my martial art is the best.

P.S. This is what everyone's response is going to be if we take this seriously, so why bother?

In such a rediculous theoretical situation, no one in the world would have any better chance than anyone else. There's no way that a single person could survive without the assistance of other people. This is why armies are made up of scalable divisions, rather than individuals fighting on their own. Even guerilla tactics use teams of combatants. We've evolved "herding mentality" for self protection as much as anything else.