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#280635 - 08/20/06 11:13 AM lost, confused and depressed (help wanted)
kurdt Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 58
Loc: philippines
i just met this totally amazing girl from the states.. she just left actually and now i am totally confused

while she was here we smoked lots of weed and tripped out and [censored].. then one time we were probably a little too stoned and something happened.. we talked afterwards and just said that maybe we should just stay friends, i totally understood her since i didnt want to complicate our kind of relationship, later we hung out a lot, i always accompany her everywhere..

i kept reminding myself that i cant fall in love with this person (since i knew she was leaving).. but somehow i was feeling some sort of attraction with her, i just wanted to be with her.. to the point that i wasnt even flirting with other girls who were even flirting with me.. in school she always on my mind.. id stay way up late with her and just crash in my classes

i just didnt give a damn anymore about anything else

i dont know why im telling complete strangers these things.. just feel like [censored] right now..

on her last day we toked our last toked.. i went with her to buy some last few things.. i gave her flowers (i dont know why i did).. partied at night went with her to the airport at 4am.
the trip to the airport was hard for me.. i knew she didnt want to hurt my feelings because everytime id cuddle with her shed give an excuse not to.. even though nights before wed be in my room just chilling.. at the airport i just gave her a hug and passed on a letter to her.. feel that i shoulda said more but at the time i was really lost (still am actually)

so what does this all mean to me? i have no fuckin idea.. i know that i should not fall in love with her but i dunno i think i musta bent the rules somewhere.. shes coming back december, really happy bout that..

now its time for me to think a lot or not think about it at all.. need some whiskey or scotch before i sleep
im expecting to feel like crap the next few days so wish me luck
_________________________
thats what i think

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#280636 - 08/20/06 11:17 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Stop doing drugs.
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#280637 - 08/20/06 11:22 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: MattJ]
kurdt Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 58
Loc: philippines
uhm yes i am cleaning up now so that is not a problem (im gonna get rid of my stash now).. but somehow that wont help me at all.. i definitely need to focus on something (studies, training, band) to distract myself from this

but i dont see how drugs are my problem right now1!!!
_________________________
thats what i think

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#280638 - 08/20/06 11:27 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Weed and alcohol are depressants, which will make your emotional state even more difficult to deal with. Learn to deal with your situation on your own. And stop cursing so much.
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#280639 - 08/20/06 12:32 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
JKogas Offline
Prolific

Registered: 01/25/03
Posts: 10818
Loc: North Carolina
Quote:



but i dont see how drugs are my problem right now1!!!





The fact that you don't see IS your problem. Drugs are more of a symptom than a problem. Address the root issues. Ask yourself why you want drugs in the first place.

Life is short. I wouldn't want to miss a second of it because my senses were dulled due to be stoned or bombed out of my mind. However if you don't have a problem with that, it isn't our concern really.

Find a shrink and talk to him. That isn't a part of our job description here.


Sounds like you have a bit to work through. Good luck.



-John

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#280640 - 08/20/06 12:47 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
Cord Offline
Prolific

Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 11399
Loc: Cambridge UK.
You have a teenage crush, maybe even a good old fashioned unrequited first love. Put a Cure album on repeat, clean up your act so you can think straight, and chanel you energies into more productive avenues. You will get over her.

the thing is, if she is giving you the 'I dont want to spoil our friendship' thing, then that is a polite way of saying 'You and me aint never gonna happen'.
Think for a second, what did you have in common apart from enjoying getting f*cked up?

if you have experienced love, no matter how distorted or dead end, then you now know how amazing it can be- better than any chemical or herb. The trouble is, if you want any girl to get serious with you, you have to be worth taking seriously. Love doesn't put a roof over your head, give you job prospects, food on the table or any means of living- and neither does being a stoner who has OD'd on the 'romantic' image of dead rockers and Beat poets- none of whom had remotely fullfilling lives.

Be smarter than your hero's, you will be happier.
_________________________
Don't let the door hit ya' where the good lord split ya'
http://cord.mybrute.com

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#280641 - 08/20/06 01:10 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
I know you think we sound like a bunch of goody goodies,but I'm gonna repeat it anyway. Stop doing drugs!! They will totally mess your life up!!

How old are you??

This is probably just a crush,like Cord said,that you will eventually get over.

Life isn't alwys easy,but there are people out there who care and will help. You never know what the next day holds and answers are closer than they appear!!

Good luck and S M I L E !!!
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#280642 - 08/20/06 01:16 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: JKogas]
rideonlythelabel Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1242
Loc: st-hubert quebec canada
Quote:

Quote:



but i dont see how drugs are my problem right now1!!!





The fact that you don't see IS your problem. Drugs are more of a symptom than a problem. Address the root issues. Ask yourself why you want drugs in the first place.





Agreed. A few drinks or a joint here and there aren't that much of a problem. The real problem lies in your relationship with these substances. If you use and abuse them to escape your real issues... that's a problem.

Right now you might feel like there is no end in sight, but there is. Everyone has had their hearts broken. Feeling confused and alienated (i'm only assuming you feel alienated) is normal, but these feelings will eventually go away. You'll feel better someday. We all do. In the meanwhile, just hang tight and lay off the drugs. The drugs are like pissing yourself in the winter because you're cold. Might make you feel better for a while but it makes things much worse in the long run.

I've been there, trust me, you'll get better.
_________________________
patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.

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#280643 - 08/20/06 04:17 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
kunin Offline
hard-boiled aggression

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 73
Loc: - cloud-hidden in the big city
John's right—psychological counseling really isn't part of the job description here. Still, your cry for help has elicited some compassionate advice from a number of tough-minded gentlemen, so please know that you're among friends.

As to your sense of mixed up unrequited puppy love ('cause that's what it sounds like)—well, been there, done that! It's not a domain that's exclusive to the male gender. I took a hit so heavily in my mid-twenties that I really tumbled hard from grace. When I finally realized what I was doing to myself--the drugs, the alcohol, and a whole lot of other stuff that I wouldn't want to mention on a site where children might be looking in—I went back to martial arts training to help me clean up, looking for something tough, no-nonsense, and so physically strenuous that I wouldn't have the energy to get into any more trouble. I found it in Japanese Goju-ryu karate-do at a school that was so strict, the students weren't allowed to socialize with each other outside of class for fear that it would interfere with their concentration on the dojo floor. Even though I experienced considerable difficulty with this regimen at first, the stringency of the discipline ultimately saved me from my own worst instincts and taught me something about my own potential.

The reason I'm sharing this embarrassing history with you is so that you'll know that some of us have been where you are—a bit deeper, in some cases—survived it, and moved on. Let's face it! The boy/girl, man/woman thing is always going to seem a bit mysterious, sometimes difficult—even when you've finally settled down in a loving marriage. This same thing could also be said, frankly, about any kind of relationship that can take place between human beings. Sometimes I think that we've been put on this earth precisely to learn how to get along with each other in all the different ways that human beings work, play, pray, and just hang with each other! The thing is, any relationship predicated on getting stoned is really more about the drug of choice than about intimacy or friendship.

I'm glad to hear that you're going to flush the dope. Please keep your word on it! You don't need have that crap poisoning your body and befuddling your mind. As Matt says, weed and alcohol are depressants that will only make you feel weirder and more emotionally out of control than you would otherwise. At the same time, while the pain you feel isn't likely to go away on command, you would do well simply to acknowledge it and put your attention to something both more constructive and satisfying. For me, that was karate, which presented me at the time an opportunity to regain my self-respect. Having hit bottom with nowhere else to go that made sense, I really jumped on it!

Man! This has turned into the all too familiar lecture that I find myself giving now and then to a struggling nephew or a niece. I apologize for the harangue. Just take good care of yourself, eh!
_________________________
'If you have an honest mind, everywhere is a dojo.' Nicole

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#280644 - 08/20/06 08:53 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kunin]
kurdt Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 58
Loc: philippines
thanks for the advice guys, i know this isnt the kind of place for this talk but i know the people here are very experienced in the game of life
its morning now and now have a fever which blows since i was hoping to go to the gym and start a new leaf
before sleeping i thought about why i did pot in the first place, i think i did becausel good about myself and that it te it made me feook some of the hardships of living away.. it seems that it is only now that i have realised that maybe i do have a drug problem
(i always told myself and others that i can control this.. then there were the rumors in 3 different campuses that i was the biggest pot head in my campus.. this really got me mad and started to make me think as to how i got this rep)

was it a crush i had with her? i dunno, i really like her and miss her incredibly.. just thinking of the fact that she is not in the same country as i am hurts.. i still wish that shes still here though
it was fun while it lasted.. very good times and guess all good things have to come to an end..
what did we have in common? ill think about this one (we did do lots of things together).. but i remember her saying that opposites attract each other..
feeling a bit better in the head.. gotta get my priorities straight though.. i really miss her, ill email her in a couple of days i guess..
_________________________
thats what i think

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#280645 - 08/20/06 10:41 PM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Hey, I feel for you man, I 've been there 9except for the weed and sex). If oyu somehow end up with her, great, if not, you have to realise that htere are many, many others out there for oyu, it's true i know. i htought my life was over after I lost my first love, but within a few monthes I started getting over her and pretty soon it was liek no big deal, now i've got a great girl i'm crazy about. It'll pass, just keep up with htings that are more important liek training, studies, working out, whatever, get busy.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#280646 - 08/21/06 01:06 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Drugs aside I think many of us know how you feel. Through grade 10, 11 and grade 12 ... those summers I spent time with a girl that meant a great deal to me. I lived in Alberta and she lived in Manitoba. I knew that after graduating that most likely we would never see each other in that capacity again. When she left it felt like a part of me left with her and it took a long time to get over her. I was love sick for her but eventually meeting another girl and then another girl things got easier. I have seen her a few times as her family and my family are very close and we grew up together. Seeing her brings back memories even 20+ years later but that was another life time and I have filled those voids in with greater things and people.

It is a good thing to feel this way, it lets you know you are alive. It lets you know you have feelings. Now just let it run its course, without substance abuse, and it will pass. Just think, those feelings you have can be shared with another and you are capable of so much more to give to another just knowing this.

This is life, you weren't the first to feel this way and you won't be the last. Take care.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#280647 - 08/31/06 03:15 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: Dereck]
alphawolf Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 137
No offense, and maybe im harsh.. but i have looked down on anyone who does drugs and feel no remorse for anything that happens to them. Attempting to escape the realities of life is for the weak and pathetic. Whenever i feel depressed or sad about something i just think about what people had to cope with during the holocaust, wars, and whatnot. Nothing I, or anyone else experiences can EVER compare with that, and short of losing a loved one permanently, the problems most people have today are absolutely pathetic. Unless you are homeless or your entire life was destroyed, dont complain.
_________________________
More chi! Train harder!

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#280648 - 08/31/06 08:16 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: alphawolf]
JasonM Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 2502
Yeah that was harsh. It only goes to show how the human spirit can survive and overcome.

Back to subject. Please stop the drugs and like most have said, it is life, you will heal and move on. It just takes time.
_________________________
90 percent of good abs is your nutrition

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#280649 - 08/31/06 08:47 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: JasonM]
Zombie Zero Offline
Compliance & Liability
Veteran

Registered: 06/17/05
Posts: 1992
Loc: Lorton, VA
kurdt,

I know it's one of the biggest cliches, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Lots of people, myself included, have felt the pain of unrequited love. It hurts worse than a kick to the stomach.

But trust me, it will pass. In time, you will heal. As impossible as it seems now, you WILL find someone to love, and who will return that love.

Please get off the drugs. Don't cut back, don't taper off, just stop. Don't spend any time with anyone who uses. Drugs will stop your healing process cold. It's like picking at a scab with a chainsaw.

Talk to a counselor. Talk to your parents. I'm 30 years old, and I still need to talk to my mommy sometimes.

Listen to that Cure album exactly once. Then, get yourself a copy of Rollins Band's album 'Hard Volume'.

No matter what, please don't do anything to hurt yourself.

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#280650 - 08/31/06 09:09 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Well...as usual...I have a slight difference of opinion. Calling something a 'crush' doesn't make it any less deep or vital. Some folks only fall in love once...but even if you find you can't let go on the inside (it may take years to find a way to move on)...for another's sake...you have to let go on the outside.

If you really care for another...you will let them walk their path...even if it means without you.

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#280651 - 09/01/06 05:16 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
ButterflyPalm Offline
Enigma

Registered: 08/26/04
Posts: 2637
Loc: Malaysia
Mabuhay!

A little traditional chinese saying of unrequited love:-

Luo hua you yi,
Liu shui wu qing.

Trans:-

The flower falls lovingly,
The stream flowed uncaringly.

She doesn't like you as much, and she said so; she thought it was great while it lasted and you should do the same. Get a girl that does not do drugs. She is ruining her own life; don't let her ruin yours.
_________________________
I'll rather be happy than right, anytime.

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#280652 - 09/01/06 08:17 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: harlan]
kurdt Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 58
Loc: philippines
two weeks since i last doped.. i can definitely feel some sort of craving for it, but nothing i cant handle..
there definitely lots of fish out there just gotta get out and get some i guess.. it was fun while it lasted good times..
anyways im back to training and i love it.. there is nothing better than spending time in something that wont let you down!! chicks and drugs can let you down but not MA!!
_________________________
thats what i think

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#280653 - 09/01/06 08:48 AM Re: lost, confused and depressed (help wanted) [Re: kurdt]
Zombie Zero Offline
Compliance & Liability
Veteran

Registered: 06/17/05
Posts: 1992
Loc: Lorton, VA
kurdt,

I've known a lot of people who have gone through the process of giving up drugs. Trust me, don't start a new relationship yet. You need to wait until you know you're totally clean.

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