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#258813 - 05/31/06 07:05 PM Being well-liked?
SpeedyGonzales Offline

Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 320
I just realized this as an issue. From either the teacher or the student side, how important is being liked and how important should it be?

Now I already know many will say this has to do with respect, moral, being a good person humble, etc, but just from common experience that's not always true, many are disliked for no real rational reason. So how important is being liked from you actual MA experience and second, how important should it be?

#258814 - 06/01/06 08:55 AM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: SpeedyGonzales]
Cord Offline

Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 11399
Loc: Cambridge UK.
I think that the most important thing is to be yourself. As a student, if you are making an effort to be popular, you are not concentrating on learning. As a teacher, if you are trying to get everyone to like you, your focus on imparting your knowledge will be compromised.

As you say, not everyone will like you, even if you jump through hoops, so why bother trying. By being yourself, at least people will make their judgments based on the real you.
Don't let the door hit ya' where the good lord split ya'

#258815 - 06/01/06 09:24 AM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: Cord]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
Personally, I have always excelled as a student when I felt 'appreciated'. The student/teacher relationship has the potential to be a very profound and complex one, and 'liking' is not so important as trust.

#258816 - 06/01/06 12:23 PM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: harlan]
tkd_high_green Offline

Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 1031
Loc: Vermont
I agree with harlan. In the martial arts, trust is significantly more important than being liked, considering how dangerous the martial arts can be.

However if you don't like someone or someone doesn't like you, and that gets in the way of your training or teaching, then you need to stop and figure out why. Because if you don't, its a recipie for disaster.


#258817 - 06/01/06 05:49 PM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: SpeedyGonzales]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3119
Loc: East Coast, United States
Hello Speedy:

We can learn from highly-skilled but insanely angry jerks. I could learn from an incompetant instructor, in spite of their best efforts to the contrary! Given the choice to learn whether from/with someone, I would prefer them to be relatively sane, fairly mature, and someone whom I would not have a problem having to dinner or an evening with the rest of the family!

I want the folks I learn with to be relatively stable as people. But I sometimes set the proverbial bar fairly high by some accounts anyway. Necessary to be liked, no unnecessary. Given the amount of time one will likely spend with and around them, is certainly leads to a better relationship and I contend likely a better comprehension of the particular skill...

But I'e been mistaken often before, perhaps I am again...


#258818 - 06/01/06 06:54 PM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: Ronin1966]
SpeedyGonzales Offline

Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 320
Thanks for the thoughts everyone, I am thinking of the issue in new terms now.

However, because any head/subordinate relationship can be so complex, I think some of use might be on different topics this is very wide to be one thread I guess.

To be clear I'll just say the issue. Basically, it's not really a moral thing or being sane or being a good person issue. Really, this is just my personality, I have a hard time connecting with others. I sort of figured out I am autistic, but technically autism, at least when talking about Asperger's syndrome, isn't really a disfunction but technically it's really just a personality thing. I guess you could compare it to being shy and "out of the loop" (it's sometimes called the "nerd syndrome") Now I'm not trying to be popular, I would much ratherstick to my morals and be myself, but then I realized in one class, that if people like you more you get more help, more "personal" direction. I know that shouldn't prevent learning, but how much of an issue will it be? Do you think that will affect the time it takes to learn or my understanding of an art?

P.S. I love Naruto! haha sorry if you don't get that...

#258819 - 06/01/06 09:33 PM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: SpeedyGonzales]
tkd_high_green Offline

Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 1031
Loc: Vermont
Ah, that makes more sense. While I know very little about aspergers, I do know what its like to be shy. If you have a good teacher, that shouldn't make any difference. The first thing you should do, if you haven't already, is tell your instructor. The more your instructor knows about you, the better he or she can alter the training to fit your needs. That aside, pay attention. You can learn alot by what questions other people ask, and if there is something you need help with, ask. Ask your instructor or other higher ranking student (assuming you have rank at your schol). A good school encourages questions, and asking other students or instructor to help you with a technique shows you are really interested in what you are learning, and strokes their ego a bit, which may in turn get them to like you a bit more. Hope that helps


#258820 - 06/06/06 11:04 PM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: tkd_high_green]
Jeff_G Offline

Registered: 04/15/06
Posts: 223
Loc: Midwest
Ditto to what Laura said. Also, bear in mind that you are in a situation where you have something extremely in common with everyone else in the place.
Relax, enjoy and DO ask questions. The last thing I said at the end of every class was "Are there any questions or comments?" If so, I would say to see me after class and we'll work on it. Questions are massively cool. They are the best way to find out what you think you need.

#258821 - 06/08/06 03:19 AM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: SpeedyGonzales]
Spade Offline

Registered: 01/31/06
Posts: 255
Loc: Auburn, Al.
Hmm, another Naruto fan, I'm hitting episode 135 tonight.

Anyway, I can relate to you, I never actully talked to my sensi until about two years after I had started trainning.
My suggestion, when someone does something funny, laugh. They will pay you more attention, and your sense of humor will improve.
"always paddle your own canoe." - Cord

#258822 - 06/08/06 03:32 AM Re: Being well-liked? [Re: Spade]
SpeedyGonzales Offline

Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 320
Thanks for the tip. I realize it's hard for me to connect with people, stuff I find funny people are like I don't get it and I get what others laugh at and can't laugh... hopefully Aikido will help me to be at peace and not so tense mentally.

P.S. Nice you're finishing the arc!


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