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#244248 - 04/08/06 05:37 PM a Post for Guys
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Any of you guys ever feel like women just toss you around and use you without actually having any feelings for you. I've had two girls this year repeatedly use me as a substite or replacement for their bf's who live far away and for their ex's. And they just liked to flirt and have some always doting on them. Here I kept giving in and going for it. I feel so used and thrown around like my feelings don't matter. Any of you ever deal with this and if so, what did you do about it?
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244249 - 04/08/06 06:24 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Quote by Stormdragon -

Quote:

And they just liked to flirt and have some always doting on them. Here I kept giving in and going for it.




I can understand your feelings there, SD. However, from your quote, you have a hand in allowing these situations to exist and perpetuate. No one is forcing you into these relationships.

I have done my share of enabling poor relationships in the past. The solution? Go out with other types of ladies that won't treat you like that.
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#244250 - 04/08/06 07:10 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: MattJ]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
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Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Good, yet simple advice. My problem is I'm way to impulsive, I guess I just need to learn discipline and self control. I also get attached too quickly and easily and become sort of clingy.
Anyway, thanks for the input, I'll definetely keep that in mind.


Edited by Stormdragon (04/08/06 07:11 PM)
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244251 - 04/08/06 07:41 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Are you the "nice guy"? In my younger years I was the nice guy and I had a similar problem where girls would befriend me and I would be their support especially if they broke up with boyfriends. I would give and give and for some reason I never took and took. I had to get myself out of that situation but still be true to myself because I wasn't willing to give up my morals ... though I wish I had a few times and been a hound ... ARROOOOOOO! Thankfully I met the right girl who became my wife.

Sometimes you have to look for that person, other times they find you. Take yourself away from what you can't have and start looking for what you can have. Somebody else's problems will never benefit you and they will have too much baggage for you to handle. Sure sometimes it would be nice to be used ... and put away hard ... but that can't last forever and there will never be any long term relationship there, if that is what you are looking for.

I could go on but you will have to catch my radio broadcast or my column in your local newspaper ... joking ... but to think some people get paid for dribbling out information like this.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244252 - 04/08/06 08:53 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dudley32 Offline
master of disaster

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 482
Loc: Indiana
I feel for you and everything, all guys struggle with this at some time... But what does this have to do with Martial Arts??? Maybe I'm missing something.

Matt
_________________________
Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect Practice makes perfect.

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#244253 - 04/08/06 09:01 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dudley32]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Quote:

But what does this have to do with Martial Arts??? Maybe I'm missing something.




This is the "new" General Talk forum and does not have to be about martial arts. You can discuss just about anything you want within reason.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244254 - 04/08/06 09:44 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Right on the General Talk forum guys,discuss away.

Stormdragon, I can relate as well.I let it happen far too often. I'm a nice giving guy who talks tough,but my heart strings are brittle.
In my experience there is always one in a relationship that likes more,loves more,and just gives more to it. Don't be that person,lol. It's hard advice,but it's true. After being married for several years I've had to get back into the dating game and I've found that it's just that to some people,a game. I'm not usually one for playing the field,but until I find someone worthwhile(and I may have ) I'll keep on keeping on. At the first sign of dishonesty,I'm gone. At the first sign of anything but what I feel I deserve I'm gone. It's not always easy though.
Good luck out there,women are brutal!
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244255 - 04/08/06 11:07 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Quote:

Are you the "nice guy"? In my younger years I was the nice guy and I had a similar problem where girls would befriend me and I would be their support especially if they broke up with boyfriends. I would give and give and for some reason I never took and took. I had to get myself out of that situation but still be true to myself because I wasn't willing to give up my morals ... though I wish I had a few times and been a hound ... ARROOOOOOO! Thankfully I met the right girl who became my wife.

Sometimes you have to look for that person, other times they find you. Take yourself away from what you can't have and start looking for what you can have. Somebody else's problems will never benefit you and they will have too much baggage for you to handle. Sure sometimes it would be nice to be used ... and put away hard ... but that can't last forever and there will never be any long term relationship there, if that is what you are looking for.









That's exactly how I am. I just give and give and give. I'm the one they come to when they are upset about something or just need someone and so then I just dish out the love and care and support but then I never get anything in return, at least not anything sincere, also when there are any problems I just tend to scapegoat myself. I was nothing more than a stand in for the last girls ex, and the whole time we were together(which wasn't long because I bucked up and cut it off quick and she was nice enough to be heading in that direction to rather than hurt me worse) she was thinking about her ex and wanting what she had with him back.
The whole time she just had him on her mind. A very similar almost identical thing happend the time before that, and the girl before her just wasn't mature enough yet for any type of relationship and just got scared or something nad flipped out on me. It's really frustrating, I'm interested in a lasting relationship not a frikin fling, I hate flings or "Friends with benifits" it's fun at the time but always leaves you feeling empty, and it wastes your time. I want a true relationship but that I can commit to but the thing is I need some commitment back not indifference. I want to love but also be loved back. I can't stand one sided relationships.
Anyway, thanks for the advice, and it's great to have people who can relate, I thought I was the only one like this. Sorry for the depressing post, but thanks again.




Edited to fix quote. Don't make me do it again,lol.


Edited by BrianS (04/08/06 11:12 PM)
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244256 - 04/08/06 11:19 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Dude, you're just in Highschool,just wait til' you hit the real world,lol.

*Don't be anyone's rebound or boytoy. It's not cool nor is it fun.Well,it's kinda fun for a bit,but in the end.

I knew it was time to breakup with the last girl after she threw my cell phone at me for calling someone else.Yep,she was checking my phone!! It was also a bad sign that she told me she loved me and wanted me to move in after three weeks of going out. Granted I knew her for three years prior,but we had never dated. She was violent and crazy,I thought I was going to have to goju-her-ass,lol.
There are good ladies out there,lots of them,you just have to set your standards high.
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244257 - 04/08/06 11:34 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: BrianS]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Yeah Brian your right, it is still early yet, I tend to want to rush things. I will be sure to set my standards high and also get to know someone well before I get into another bad relationship. One thing that bothers me is that all the really good worthwhile girls, well most anyway, I'm not the slightest bit atracted to. Now that sucks.
Sorry it turned out so bad with the crazy girl, I hope I never deal with someone like that. It seems girls are either indifferent or overly obsessive.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244258 - 04/08/06 11:42 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Quote:

It seems girls are either indifferent or overly obsessive.





LOL, you learn fast.
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244259 - 04/08/06 11:48 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: BrianS]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
That's something that doesn't take long to learn.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244260 - 04/10/06 10:10 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
TimBlack Offline
Exalted

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 1403
Loc: UK, Brighton
Quote:

I'm interested in a lasting relationship not a frikin fling, I hate flings or "Friends with benifits" it's fun at the time but always leaves you feeling empty, and it wastes your time.




Are you joking? 'Friends with benefits' ROCK! You're in High School, it's time to play the field like the rest of us - you've got plenty of time to get serious once you're seen what's out there. The first lesson of love in high school is *#^£ around, while you've still got the chance - that's what the girls are doing (at least in my college . I'm in England, so that's the equivalent of an American High School)
_________________________
My Workout Log

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#244261 - 04/10/06 10:48 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: TimBlack]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Tim, I didn't take you for such a romantic.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244262 - 04/10/06 11:38 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: TimBlack]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Quote:

Quote:

I'm interested in a lasting relationship not a frikin fling, I hate flings or "Friends with benifits" it's fun at the time but always leaves you feeling empty, and it wastes your time.




Are you joking? 'Friends with benefits' ROCK! You're in High School, it's time to play the field like the rest of us - you've got plenty of time to get serious once you're seen what's out there. The first lesson of love in high school is *#^£ around, while you've still got the chance - that's what the girls are doing (at least in my college . I'm in England, so that's the equivalent of an American High School)




Yeah it's great until they get sick of you and then shut you out, and you end up with a brokenheart. That's happend like 3 times just this year for me. Girls in high school can be really fickal, or they just can't figure out what they want. And they end up doing stupid stuff and screwing with your head.
Children, girls are the devil!


Edited by Stormdragon (04/10/06 11:39 AM)

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#244263 - 04/10/06 01:26 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Gavin Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 2267
Loc: Southend, Essex, UK
Mate, welcome to mans greatest nemesis. Funny as a species both sexes seem to attract completely the wrong type of person. I've recently broke up with my girlfriend, I had a quick look round at the available stock and it ain't a pretty situation... most people in the dating pool seem to be there for a very good reason and should most definately stay there.

I've been taken advantage pretty badly in the past and there are too ways of the thinking about. Firstly, you can harden up and take treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen... use and abuse. Loads of my mates (being mostly doorman) can quite happily crash through their love lives leaving a wake of destruction. Personally that ain't the way I like to live my life, so I basically came to the conclusion that I don't want to change, I like being the nice guy, I've just got to find someone deserving of me. Sounds arrogant, but I think a relationship is about giving, I tend to find girls who like taking. So I was left with choice to change myself or the type of girl I go out with. As I said I like myself, so I've decided to change the sort of girl I see now.

Too many people out there on both sides of the gender fence are only out for number one, unfortunately it takes experience to spot the right ones from the wrong ones. I'm getting better, but still learning. Just remember being a nice guy makes you a special and rare breed in this day and age, be a little more selective about who you let benefit from this great trait!!!!
_________________________
Gavin King
www.SHIKON.COM
Follow me on twitter @taichigav

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#244264 - 04/10/06 03:16 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Gavin]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Great advice Gavin, thanks. I'll just have to be more careful and selective, and of course I need get to know girls well first before starting relationships.
One thing that happend in my last relationship with a girl I still have strong feelings for, is that, she realized she only saw me as a friend or a brother and nothing else, despite being physically attracted to me, and being attracted to my personality and thinking I'd be great in a relationship. What's up with that, I don't get? We're so close and open with each other, it's perfect. What else could there be?
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244265 - 04/10/06 04:27 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Well it certainly isn't your music selection.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244266 - 04/11/06 06:27 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Gavin Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 2267
Loc: Southend, Essex, UK
Most people (if not all) are not a 100% truthful most of the time. Sometimes during break ups the "let them down softly" approach is used... Not sure if that was the case here mate, but if it was look on it as the girl felt enough about you to not want to hurt your feelings. If this was the case she must've of felt a lot for you to care enough to not want to hurt you. Ooooh, now there's another thing you're gonna experience at some point in your love life career, the girl who despite having not done anything wrong and being a lovely person, just doesn't do it for you. Those break ups are killer... everyone always wants an explanation as to why, the classic cliche, "It's not you, it's me!" never quite washes. Another piece of advice (one that was learnt from first hand experience) always be honest. If you don't want to be with someone break it off. I've been out with girls who I didn't want to be with, but didn't want to hurt by breaking up with them either. This leads to resentment and unhappiness, and will probably end up making you both unhappy for a long time. Far better to nip it in the butt, cause a few tears and still remain friends than to stay together and end up hating each other.

Erm... there's loads more little pit falls your going to hit. Always remember to not take a previous relationship out on a new partner, always leave your baggage behind with the last girl. Another great piece of advice I got was "Never forsake someone elses happiness for your own, and never forsake your happiness for someone elses!" Basically "Do unto others...."

Thus ends the Relationship Advice 101 with Gav "The Luurve Doctor" King [1]

[1] Who is currently single so all advice should be taken with a pinch of salt!!!!
_________________________
Gavin King
www.SHIKON.COM
Follow me on twitter @taichigav

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#244267 - 04/11/06 10:51 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Gavin]
shoshinkan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 2662
Loc: UK
This is withoubt doubt the greatest thread of late, keep it coming guys............

open up.......

(((((((((((ALL)))))))))))
_________________________
Jim Neeter

www.shoshinkanuk.blogspot.com

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#244268 - 04/11/06 11:00 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: shoshinkan]
JoelM Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 6355
Loc: Georgia, USA
I've only had two girlfriends in my life and I'm marrying the second next April, so I don't have a lot of advice on the topic.

Maybe I just wanted to gloat.
_________________________
We should all take ourselves seriously...and then crumple that image up and toss it out the window.

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#244269 - 04/11/06 03:28 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: JoelM]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Yeah, she has shown how much she cares about me as a person and our friendship, and I'm happy for that. I don't know, it seems like the only girls I can find who see me as more than a friend are either really really trashy, fickal or extremely unattractive, otherwise they tend to seem me as just a friend. It's really frustrating, I mean what am I missing? What do all these other guys got that I don't? I guess I'm probably being too hard on myself though, I don't know...
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244270 - 04/11/06 04:15 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
TimBlack Offline
Exalted

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 1403
Loc: UK, Brighton
The great thing about that post is that + + water =

_________________________
My Workout Log

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#244271 - 04/11/06 07:21 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: TimBlack]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
lol, that's abslolutely right which is why I never give up, and I don't drank. Which is good because I love water.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244272 - 04/12/06 02:15 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
"Well I ain't first class,but I ain't quite trash and I've been wild and crazy too. Some girls don't like boys like me...oh,but some girls do...."
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244273 - 04/12/06 10:54 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: BrianS]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Good quote Brian, good quote.
Now, I got another problem that's been bothering me for sometime.
See I'm the kind of person who constantly worries about other people's opinions of me and how the view me and I tend to look for all the negative possibilities. Oh and I'm very self concious, and obsessive compulsive somewhat.
What can I do to deal with these problems?
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244274 - 04/12/06 11:21 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Gavin Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 2267
Loc: Southend, Essex, UK
Oooooo... I get the chance to be all sage like and quite some Buddha stylee wisdom:

Quote:

An ordinary guy came to see the Buddha to get help with his problems. ” my roof leaks, I don’t have enough money, my neighbors are noisy, my boss hates me, my kids are messy and disrespectful, my knee hurts and I’m losing my hair. And don’t even get me started about my wife. ” and he went on to describe all his problems in great detail while the buddha smiled and listened patiently.

When the guy was done complaining, he asked the Buddha, “so, how can you help me ?”

“I can’t help you”, said the Buddha.

“HUH? What kind of teacher are you?”, said the guy, “why did I come all the way here for you to tell me that? And what the hell are you smiling about?”

The buddha said, “Everyone has 83 problems. Sometimes we fix one, but it is guaranteed that another will pop up in its place. It’s just life. I can’t help you with your 83 problems, but I can fix your 84th problem.”

“What is my 84th problem?”.

“Your 84th problem is that you don’t want to have any problems.”




_________________________
Gavin King
www.SHIKON.COM
Follow me on twitter @taichigav

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#244275 - 04/12/06 12:09 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Gavin]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
I understand oh wise one.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244276 - 04/12/06 06:30 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Quote:

Good quote Brian, good quote.
Now, I got another problem that's been bothering me for sometime.
See I'm the kind of person who constantly worries about other people's opinions of me and how the view me and I tend to look for all the negative possibilities. Oh and I'm very self concious, and obsessive compulsive somewhat.
What can I do to deal with these problems?




Hate to say it but you sound a lot like me back then ... and maybe slightly still this way but not near as much. Trust me, if people don't like you for who you are then don't sweat it. If you sweat the small stuff then it will continually eat at you and you don't want that. I always look for the negative still ... what you need to do is find a nice young lady who always looks for the positive so she can balance you out ... easier said then done.

You are young and have years a head of you. Make them the best years of your life so that this carries into your adult life. I know this is not telling you anything that you probably don't already know but hey ... I'm not Dr. Phil.

I feel for you for sure. It has taken me until just this last July to make some positive changes in my life and it is hard to break old habits. Start some good habits now and "believe" in yourself. Show confidence and you will find things will change for the better ... and the girls will like the confidence as well.

Take care little brother.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244277 - 04/12/06 07:08 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Quote:

Quote:

Good quote Brian, good quote.
Now, I got another problem that's been bothering me for sometime.
See I'm the kind of person who constantly worries about other people's opinions of me and how the view me and I tend to look for all the negative possibilities. Oh and I'm very self concious, and obsessive compulsive somewhat.
What can I do to deal with these problems?




Hate to say it but you sound a lot like me back then ... and maybe slightly still this way but not near as much. Trust me, if people don't like you for who you are then don't sweat it. If you sweat the small stuff then it will continually eat at you and you don't want that. I always look for the negative still ... what you need to do is find a nice young lady who always looks for the positive so she can balance you out ... easier said then done.

You are young and have years a head of you. Make them the best years of your life so that this carries into your adult life. I know this is not telling you anything that you probably don't already know but hey ... I'm not Dr. Phil.

I feel for you for sure. It has taken me until just this last July to make some positive changes in my life and it is hard to break old habits. Start some good habits now and "believe" in yourself. Show confidence and you will find things will change for the better ... and the girls will like the confidence as well.

Take care little brother.




Dereck, I can't tell you how much better I feel. I actually did know a lot of that, but having it come from someone whose actually been in my place, and not from an impersonal self help book, gives me a ton of hope and encouragement! Talking about this stuff with real people who've had similar experiences and can really understand and relate is very motivating. Thanks so much.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244278 - 04/13/06 12:42 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Good quote Brian, good quote.
Now, I got another problem that's been bothering me for sometime.
See I'm the kind of person who constantly worries about other people's opinions of me and how the view me and I tend to look for all the negative possibilities. Oh and I'm very self concious, and obsessive compulsive somewhat.
What can I do to deal with these problems?




Hate to say it but you sound a lot like me back then ... and maybe slightly still this way but not near as much. Trust me, if people don't like you for who you are then don't sweat it. If you sweat the small stuff then it will continually eat at you and you don't want that. I always look for the negative still ... what you need to do is find a nice young lady who always looks for the positive so she can balance you out ... easier said then done.

You are young and have years a head of you. Make them the best years of your life so that this carries into your adult life. I know this is not telling you anything that you probably don't already know but hey ... I'm not Dr. Phil.

I feel for you for sure. It has taken me until just this last July to make some positive changes in my life and it is hard to break old habits. Start some good habits now and "believe" in yourself. Show confidence and you will find things will change for the better ... and the girls will like the confidence as well.

Take care little brother.




Dereck, I can't tell you how much better I feel. I actually did know a lot of that, but having it come from someone whose actually been in my place, and not from an impersonal self help book, gives me a ton of hope and encouragement! Talking about this stuff with real people who've had similar experiences and can really understand and relate is very motivating. Thanks so much.





Ya know,Dereck and I have lots in common and it seems we do with you to. That's some good advice there Dereck.

"When you stop seeking it,you will find it."
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244279 - 04/13/06 01:55 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: BrianS]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
One for Brian
One for Stormdragon
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244280 - 04/13/06 04:09 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Gavin Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 2267
Loc: Southend, Essex, UK
***GROUP HUG***

Manly bonding moment against those evil womenfolk!!!!
_________________________
Gavin King
www.SHIKON.COM
Follow me on twitter @taichigav

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#244281 - 04/14/06 01:04 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Gavin]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
The girl I'm most interested in right now is one of my closest friends and I'm interested in a relationship. We are both attracted to each other as far as looks and personality goes, we are really open with each other, and she thinks I'd be great in a relationship, and vice versa. Problem is she is stuck on her ex and has been since they broke up a couple monthes ago, and is utterly convinced that she only sees me as a friend and that she has no other feelings for me. She says she didn't feel a spark when we tried a relationship the first time. Could that change? Do any of you have experience with those feelings changing for someone?
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244282 - 04/14/06 07:48 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Stormdragon, right now she wants to be a friend and I think with the ex situation things would not workout. Give her more time and still be her friend but let her know your feelings. Give it time and see what happens. If nothing does then you still have a friend. Relationships like this rarely have a chance of working out ... rarely ... but not impossible. Be open and let her know you are there for her when she needs you ... and if she ever finds those same feelings.

Just to let you know, you are young and trying to find your way and things WILL get better ... I promise, because I know it in my heart. You may not believe it now but I honestly believe that good people have good things happen to them. It may not be today but it will happen. And like Brian said earlier, it will be when you least expect it.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244283 - 04/14/06 08:03 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Thanks Dereck, I'll definetly keep all that in mind. I do have my whole life ahead of me so there really is no need to rush at all. I have a habit of jumping into things prematurely, somthing to work on I suppose.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244284 - 04/14/06 08:46 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
When we were infants we touched and smelled and licked and tasted; all ways of learning. As children we did similar things testing our limits to further learn. Now as a young adult you are still learning and you have to try things to see what works and what doesn't. Then as an adult you will be doing similar things but you will be slightly smarter from your previous experiences.

Life no matter what age is about learning and we need to feel our way. New experiences we are nothing but infants. But things do get easier as you get older ... better ... as long as you learned some good leasons in life. But even as we get older we still have to be open to learning more. I've learned so much more since July; I'm happier and even more giving. Sometimes I am finding I'm carrying my emotions on my sleeve.

Last night we had visited a friend and he talked about a song that he had heard years ago at his Grandma's funeral that touched him but he could never figure out who sung it. When I got home in the early morning I searched the internet and found it. As I had already planned to go to West Edmonton Mall for some CD's for myself ... one being Crossfade ( ) ... I also picked up this CD for him and dropped it off. He was asleep as he works night shifts so I gave it to his wife and she was extremely thankful. I got a call just a short time ago with a thank you and some tears in his voice. That is the newer me because I've learned so much more.

You are learning and will continue to learn. You will make some bad choices but you will make many good choices because you will become smarter. Be that infant when needed to find your way in life so that you can mature and grow. Just be happy ... happiness is so contagious and makes life so much better.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244285 - 04/14/06 10:52 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Mr_Heretik Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/20/05
Posts: 1074
Loc: Bronx NY, USA
Its so weird to me to see the mods talk about this kind of stuff. I always thought they were the tough-as-nails officers of the boards...with their uniform which consists of a green name and a huge number of posts.

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#244286 - 04/15/06 01:26 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Mr_Heretik]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Dereck, thanks again, that was one heck of an inspirational and motivating mini speech there. Oh and glad you like Crossfade, they are a really good band. I think I'm going to go ahead and get myself some new music pretty soon.
Have a great weekend aight.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244287 - 04/15/06 02:37 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
ADHDoka Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 35
Loc: Santa Rosa, California
wow, i am in a similar situation to you SD (i think) and everyone on this post sounds so much like what i want and need to hear, i just popped in and wow! you guys have some incredible insight, better advice than ive seen given in most situations, better yet, (but unfortunate) based on personal experience, so even if it wasnt you guys were trying to help, i would like to thank you guys for the third party advice
_________________________
never dishonor an opponent, leave him with a lesson learned

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#244288 - 04/15/06 01:53 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: ADHDoka]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Hey no problem ADHdoka, it's about time we got a thread for this sort of thing. Feel free to add some input. Let us know about your situation, it's always good to talk about this stuff to other's with similar problems, I know this discussion has already helped me out tremedously. And hey, feel free to pm me if you want.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244289 - 04/17/06 08:05 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
still wadowoman Offline
Improved beefier techno-prat

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 3420
Loc: Residence:UK- Heart:Md, USA
Stormdragon,

I know this thread is entitled "For Guys" but I have been following it with interest. I am sure you realise that it is not just women who treat people this way - for every guy with a broken heart, there is a guy who has broken a girl's heart.


I have had three marriages, each one ending in disaster and have lost count of the times that I have thought about giving up on the whole male species. Over on the philosophy section, Ed Morris posted this quote which I think sums up what Derek was saying:

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it — and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again — and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

-Mark Twain


Or to put it simpler, even though most people are wrong about their choice of relationship many times in their life, don't give up because "you only have to be right once" - Ross Geller, Friends
Sharon
_________________________
Anyone mind if I sit down?

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#244290 - 04/17/06 08:11 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Mr_Heretik]
shoshinkan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 2662
Loc: UK
mods are human to you know,


SUPERHUMAN ! such power................

LOL
_________________________
Jim Neeter

www.shoshinkanuk.blogspot.com

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#244291 - 04/17/06 09:15 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: shoshinkan]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
With great power comes great responsibility.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244292 - 04/17/06 04:53 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
shoshinkan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 2662
Loc: UK
Indeed Dereck,

Sometimes the pressure of it all keeps me awake at night.........
_________________________
Jim Neeter

www.shoshinkanuk.blogspot.com

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#244293 - 04/17/06 11:51 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: shoshinkan]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
That girl I want so bad just asked me earlier how I felt about her making out with someone. And htis someone is a guy who only wants her as a friends with benifits sort of thing, not a relationship. Forgive me in advance for the profanity I'm about to use.
This arsewhole just wants to use her for some good times and pleasure. what the f***, and she gave in. I want her for her, for a lasting deep relationship and this dirty sunovab**** just want's to use her. And he get's her! wtf's up with that. You don't know how much I resent htis guy and how much I want to beat the living sh** out of him. She told me not to hurt him. I said three strikes and his arse is grass. I know I reacted badly and I regret it but I'm so angry, and depressed and let down. What do I do to deal with this? I feel so worthless, unacceptable, used. Life sucks sometimes. I apologize again for my language, I'mn just really upset right now.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244294 - 04/18/06 12:42 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Get rid of that girl,she's trouble waiting to happen.Move on,forget,and learn.
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244295 - 04/18/06 01:17 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
You've expressed your feelings for her and she unfortunately does not feel the same way. I don't have the answers for your Stormdragon though I wish I did. Even with years of experience I still don't have enough.

What I would do is let her know how you feel about the situation and that it hurts you inside that this is happening. Let her know that you are a phone call away but you can't stick around for this kind of stuff and then I would distance myself from her. Maybe she will see the errors of her way and call you or maybe she won't. Or maybe she will just call as a friend and you can talk on the phone but don't get together with her on a one on one situation. If you have to see her then see her in a group. If you make yourself not available possibly she will feel the need to see you ... though she doesn't even know what she wants and you would feel far worse if she decided for a short fling with you and then broke your heart even more if she left you. Sometimes it is better to cut your loses early no matter how much it hurts then to get in deeper and grow even more emotionally attached to have your heart really ripped out.

You're a nice guy ... there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is a girl out there waiting for you and will totally be into you and only you. You will fall for this girl and wonder why you even worried about that other girl. Maybe you won't meet her today but perhaps after school at University/College or perhaps at a job ... or through some friends ... especially newer friends you hang out with.

I find that a lot of young relationships don't last ... though there are some of us still at it. Many younger girls want something right away and then get bored of it ... like shoes or purses. Whereas some girls/women that mature early know what they are looking for and want to share their life doing all of the things they love with that one guy. This type of girl is out there for you ... "out there" for you ... you just have to get "out there". Live and have fun. Be happy and confident with yourself. Learn all you can as you mature whether it is in school, University/College, your job or life's lessons.

It is hard letting go of things like this ... I know, trust me. The girl I loved back then, Debbie, was one of the greatest girls one could know and today she is a friend and my wife likes her and Debbie likes my wife. Whenever I see her we say hi and sometimes gab. Sometimes I look at her and wonder what it would have been like to be with her and then I smile knowing that my wife was the right choice as if Debbie and I were meant to be together we would have been and we weren't. Between loosing Debbie and meeting my wife, I dated a few girls and some were bad girls that were users and did not know what they wanted. It was like they wanted me but they wanted everything else. Sometimes you can't have everything and I moved on ... though Nancy was smokin' hot and all the guys envied me. Even when I started dating my wife Nancy would stop by or call me but she had her chance and I wasn't playing that game. I was in charge of my life and if I would have stuck it out with Nancy then I would have ended up wrecked and probably ruined. I made the right choice and found the right person. That right person IS out there for you. Again "out there".

Good luck to you little brother. Do what your heart tells you and if you want to stick it out then do so but use your brain as well and cut your loses if there is no chance. Give all you can and let her know but if she doesn't accept that then that is a clear sign to move on. You deserve the best ... so why settle. We all deserve the best ... each and everyone of us. Some will never find it because they blind themselves and that is their loss. Your heart is open ... now open your eyes. My best to you.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244296 - 04/18/06 04:39 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Storm,

Look buddy,I like you so I'm going to be kind of harsh. Go on about your business and pretend they don't exist. They are getting their jollies off of your feelings. SHE DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY!! She's obviously just a hoochie and the dude is a slut,so what? There's lots of that going on and nothing you can do about it. Forget about telling her a f*****g thing! You should be #1 in your life at such a young age. Worry about your education,sports,ma,anything but girls and feelings right now. Let things happen as they may and one day you'll find someone,then they'll crap all over you and stomp your little heart into the mud,you'll be hurt,then you'll move on and eventually find someone else,or not. Life is harsh bud,gotta grow some thick skin.

-B
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244297 - 04/18/06 08:11 AM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Joss Offline
Dragon

Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 567
Stormdragon,

The best thing I can think to tell you is that someday, you will look back at this episode and this girl will be meaningless to you. Time passes. Life moves on.

In your teens and early twenties, it seems like every time you fall in love - it's your last chance, forever, to find happiness. Not true. It's just hormones. I thought I had it as bad as it can be had. Then I read about Van Gough cutting his ear off for a girl. He had me beat.

The girl is using you. She can make you jump like a little puppet and it pleases her to do that. This is not someone to care for since she has feelings only for herself.

Center yourself. Pull yourself inside your head for a while, like some said above. Look at life like you look at MA. Patience and perserverance. Let life's path take you where it will. Quit rushing to get to the end of it.

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#244298 - 04/18/06 12:12 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Joss]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Well, now that I've had some time to cool off and think rationally, I'm seeing things from a better perspective. Thank you all so much for oyur input and advice, it's much appreciated. You're all right about the situation. This is something that I need to just move on from, and get over. And I have to realize the fact that there are plenty of good girls out htere for me, and that I just need to hurry up and wait. And Dereck, your very right about the girls being "out there" and I need to get"out there." I've been stuck in a very small and compact group or clique for a long time and I really need to branch out.
Anywya, according to this girl, this isn't going to be an ongoing thing with bthis guy and she says she feels really bad about it and feels bad for me. And apparently she wouldn't do something like that with me because she cares too much about me. So, she is a good friend, but that's the thing, she only sees me as a friend, or a brother. And that's just something I need to accept. It sucks that she kinda screwd with my feelinjgs a bit, but I'll live.
thanks again everyone, it means a lot, to have guys there for me in this.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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