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#244248 - 04/08/06 05:37 PM a Post for Guys
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Any of you guys ever feel like women just toss you around and use you without actually having any feelings for you. I've had two girls this year repeatedly use me as a substite or replacement for their bf's who live far away and for their ex's. And they just liked to flirt and have some always doting on them. Here I kept giving in and going for it. I feel so used and thrown around like my feelings don't matter. Any of you ever deal with this and if so, what did you do about it?
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244249 - 04/08/06 06:24 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Quote by Stormdragon -

Quote:

And they just liked to flirt and have some always doting on them. Here I kept giving in and going for it.




I can understand your feelings there, SD. However, from your quote, you have a hand in allowing these situations to exist and perpetuate. No one is forcing you into these relationships.

I have done my share of enabling poor relationships in the past. The solution? Go out with other types of ladies that won't treat you like that.
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#244250 - 04/08/06 07:10 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: MattJ]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Good, yet simple advice. My problem is I'm way to impulsive, I guess I just need to learn discipline and self control. I also get attached too quickly and easily and become sort of clingy.
Anyway, thanks for the input, I'll definetely keep that in mind.


Edited by Stormdragon (04/08/06 07:11 PM)
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244251 - 04/08/06 07:41 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Are you the "nice guy"? In my younger years I was the nice guy and I had a similar problem where girls would befriend me and I would be their support especially if they broke up with boyfriends. I would give and give and for some reason I never took and took. I had to get myself out of that situation but still be true to myself because I wasn't willing to give up my morals ... though I wish I had a few times and been a hound ... ARROOOOOOO! Thankfully I met the right girl who became my wife.

Sometimes you have to look for that person, other times they find you. Take yourself away from what you can't have and start looking for what you can have. Somebody else's problems will never benefit you and they will have too much baggage for you to handle. Sure sometimes it would be nice to be used ... and put away hard ... but that can't last forever and there will never be any long term relationship there, if that is what you are looking for.

I could go on but you will have to catch my radio broadcast or my column in your local newspaper ... joking ... but to think some people get paid for dribbling out information like this.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244252 - 04/08/06 08:53 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
Dudley32 Offline
master of disaster

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 482
Loc: Indiana
I feel for you and everything, all guys struggle with this at some time... But what does this have to do with Martial Arts??? Maybe I'm missing something.

Matt
_________________________
Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect Practice makes perfect.

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#244253 - 04/08/06 09:01 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dudley32]
Dereck Offline
Prolific

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10413
Loc: Great White North
Quote:

But what does this have to do with Martial Arts??? Maybe I'm missing something.




This is the "new" General Talk forum and does not have to be about martial arts. You can discuss just about anything you want within reason.
_________________________
"IF I COME ... I'M BRINGING THE PAIN WITH ME"

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#244254 - 04/08/06 09:44 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Right on the General Talk forum guys,discuss away.

Stormdragon, I can relate as well.I let it happen far too often. I'm a nice giving guy who talks tough,but my heart strings are brittle.
In my experience there is always one in a relationship that likes more,loves more,and just gives more to it. Don't be that person,lol. It's hard advice,but it's true. After being married for several years I've had to get back into the dating game and I've found that it's just that to some people,a game. I'm not usually one for playing the field,but until I find someone worthwhile(and I may have ) I'll keep on keeping on. At the first sign of dishonesty,I'm gone. At the first sign of anything but what I feel I deserve I'm gone. It's not always easy though.
Good luck out there,women are brutal!
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244255 - 04/08/06 11:07 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Dereck]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Quote:

Are you the "nice guy"? In my younger years I was the nice guy and I had a similar problem where girls would befriend me and I would be their support especially if they broke up with boyfriends. I would give and give and for some reason I never took and took. I had to get myself out of that situation but still be true to myself because I wasn't willing to give up my morals ... though I wish I had a few times and been a hound ... ARROOOOOOO! Thankfully I met the right girl who became my wife.

Sometimes you have to look for that person, other times they find you. Take yourself away from what you can't have and start looking for what you can have. Somebody else's problems will never benefit you and they will have too much baggage for you to handle. Sure sometimes it would be nice to be used ... and put away hard ... but that can't last forever and there will never be any long term relationship there, if that is what you are looking for.









That's exactly how I am. I just give and give and give. I'm the one they come to when they are upset about something or just need someone and so then I just dish out the love and care and support but then I never get anything in return, at least not anything sincere, also when there are any problems I just tend to scapegoat myself. I was nothing more than a stand in for the last girls ex, and the whole time we were together(which wasn't long because I bucked up and cut it off quick and she was nice enough to be heading in that direction to rather than hurt me worse) she was thinking about her ex and wanting what she had with him back.
The whole time she just had him on her mind. A very similar almost identical thing happend the time before that, and the girl before her just wasn't mature enough yet for any type of relationship and just got scared or something nad flipped out on me. It's really frustrating, I'm interested in a lasting relationship not a frikin fling, I hate flings or "Friends with benifits" it's fun at the time but always leaves you feeling empty, and it wastes your time. I want a true relationship but that I can commit to but the thing is I need some commitment back not indifference. I want to love but also be loved back. I can't stand one sided relationships.
Anyway, thanks for the advice, and it's great to have people who can relate, I thought I was the only one like this. Sorry for the depressing post, but thanks again.




Edited to fix quote. Don't make me do it again,lol.


Edited by BrianS (04/08/06 11:12 PM)
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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#244256 - 04/08/06 11:19 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: Stormdragon]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Dude, you're just in Highschool,just wait til' you hit the real world,lol.

*Don't be anyone's rebound or boytoy. It's not cool nor is it fun.Well,it's kinda fun for a bit,but in the end.

I knew it was time to breakup with the last girl after she threw my cell phone at me for calling someone else.Yep,she was checking my phone!! It was also a bad sign that she told me she loved me and wanted me to move in after three weeks of going out. Granted I knew her for three years prior,but we had never dated. She was violent and crazy,I thought I was going to have to goju-her-ass,lol.
There are good ladies out there,lots of them,you just have to set your standards high.
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#244257 - 04/08/06 11:34 PM Re: a Post for Guys [Re: BrianS]
Stormdragon Offline
Who Dares Wins
Professional Poster

Registered: 08/05/04
Posts: 3409
Loc: Salem, OR
Yeah Brian your right, it is still early yet, I tend to want to rush things. I will be sure to set my standards high and also get to know someone well before I get into another bad relationship. One thing that bothers me is that all the really good worthwhile girls, well most anyway, I'm not the slightest bit atracted to. Now that sucks.
Sorry it turned out so bad with the crazy girl, I hope I never deal with someone like that. It seems girls are either indifferent or overly obsessive.
_________________________
Member of DaJoGen MMA school under Dave Hagen and Team Chaos fight team under Denver Mangiyatan and Chris Toquero, ran out of Zanshin Martial Arts in Salem Oregon: http://www.zanshinarts.org/Home.aspx,

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