Welcome to my little insult thread. It is intended to be funny so play by the rules or I'll shut it down,lol.

1)One insult per post
2)No names mentioned!
3)Don't take any of it personally,but how could you with no names mentioned?lol
4)Keep it semi clean


You are so ugly that when you were born your momma was fined for littering!!

sup?

Yo momma's so stupid,
she ordered her sushi well done !

your mommy is so dumb, she has to reach in her bra to count to 2.

Yo' Momma is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I want your weight. Not your phone number."

your mothers so dumb she though a 'WET PAINT' sign was a request.

His girlfriend is so ugly, when we were ~done~ I gave her 5 bucks... and she had to make CHANGE!!!?



J

I drive a GMC ext. cab truck,my other ride is your fat momma!

Overheard when I was shopping:
"Wow how evil do you have to be in a former life to be that ugly in this one?"
Hopefully they were talking about someone else and I just happened to be nearby


I've posted this one before, but it was a very long time ago and it's one of my favourites:
Ex husband making huge scene or doorstep, me losing patience
ME: For goodness sake, you're showing yourself up
HIM: I couldn't give a F***
ME: I know, I've seen you try!

Sharon

Quote:

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Ex husband making huge scene or doorstep, me losing patience
ME: For goodness sake, you're showing yourself up
HIM: I couldn't give a F***
ME: I know, I've seen you try!

---

Ouch!

woman: "You are so less attractive when I'm sober."

man: "Thank god is isn't that often."

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

Yo momma so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!

I overheard this when a friend's father was having a conversation with his daughter-in-law.

Daughter-in law: "I've lost 15 pounds"
Father: " Look behind you, you'll find it"

Scottie

You so ugly,
Your dog humps your leg with it's eyes closed!

Yo momma's so fat, last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale!

You so stupid, you tried to invent a solar powered flashlight!

Your mother is so fat that last time I f**ked her i burned my a$$ on the lightbulb!

why not insult with some flare:

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html

Quote:

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Hence, horrible villain, or I'll spurn thine eyes like balls before me; I'll unhair thy head, Thou shalt be whipp'd with wire, and stew'd'in brine, smarting in lingering pickle.

Taken from: Antony and Cleopatra

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Shakespeare!

"[Thy] tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile."

Well, since we're getting all literary:

"Abhorred Slave, which any print of goodness wilt not take, being capable of all ill!" -- The Tempest, Shakespeare

Your momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving.

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!

hey...It's "lets pick on Cord" hour!

poor Cord, his birth certificate has an expiration date.

poor Cord...During sex his wife always wants to talk to him. Just the other night she called him from my hotel.

Poor Cord, His mother never breast fed him. She told him that she only liked him as a friend.

lol j/k bud...fire away...

- Ed you are horribly funny. Just hope Cord never comes to visit because pay back is a beyotch.

Uhhh...errr...I think I wandered into the 12 year old MA class changing room...

Sorry kids...I'm just leaving...

Ranger, please dont turn the other cheek, it's just as ugly!

Speaking of ugly...

If ugly was bricks, your momma would be the projects!


Page

BuDoc - That was good, but not as good as Yo mama was last night.

Yo mama's like a bungee cord... 100 dollars for 30 seconds and if that rubber breaks, your ass is dead.

Yo' momma is so fat, her belt size is the Equator.

Yo' momma is so fat her shadow weighs 50lbs.

your mommas so slow it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

If you are looking for me, I'll be at your momma's house.

Your family is so poor the rainbows in your neighborhood are black and white.

Your momma was walking down the street with a pig under her arm. I asked,"Where did you get that?" the pig replied,"I won it at a raffle."

Ohhh, sorry, I forgot about the rules.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma's so ugly,
they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

You're so ugly that when your momma dropped you off at school they fined her for littering.

Yo Mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing "We Are a Family!"

Matt

I saw ya mama kicking a trashcan down the street.
When I asked her what she was doing she said "moving house".

Man: You stole my manhood.
Woman: Thats petty theft.

Man: Why do you wear bras? you have nothing to put in them.
Woman: Well, you wear underwear dont you?


Paul coleman: Im well respected in europe, Im a 5th dan didnt you know?
My teachers friend: Nobody cares, F*** off!!

How's your wife and my kids?

Tell your Momma to stop phoning me.

Yo momma is so stupid, I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.


Laf - Nice one

Your sister is a carpenters dream. Flat as a board and easy to nail.

Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma is SO fat,she has three zipcodes.

You are so ugly when you were born your mom asked "is that our little treasure?" and your dad said "yeah, let's bury it".

Yo momma's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved.

laf once posed nude in the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. However, the staples covered enough to make it a PG-13 photo.

oldman would walk into a Greek style brothel and say: "Cool! free grapes."

Joel worked at a pet store, but quit because he got tired of people asking him how big he'd get.

butterfly figured he'd play it cool with his wife and let her make the first move....she went to Florida.

When Jkogas was little and played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering him up.


people don't like me...I lit myself on fire and the fireman tried putting it out with an axe.

Dereck: the Master of Malapropism. Carnal...or cardinal?

Quote:

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the group turns their back on Ed for breaking the carnal rules.

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Had to look that word up. For the rest of us that don't have as big a vocabulary as Harlan ... Ludicrous misuse of a word, especially by confusion with one of similar sound.

Look at the big brain on Harlan's shoulders.

Like I tell all the boys...'Look up.'

*sound of buzzer*

No ethnic references!

Harlan, tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes!!

Your mommas so fat, when I cut her she bled gravy!!

Page

You guys are my hero's.

His Momma named him Page cause she couldn't spell book.

oh, I'm sorry for leaving you out Dereck...

{watch this...Ed breaks the rules again}

* Dereck was so ugly as a baby, his mother used to feed him with a sling shot.
* Gay Dereck was disappointed when he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

* Budoc takes Viagra and drinks prune juice - he doesn't know if he's coming or going.

* harlan and her husband were happy for 20 years...then they met.

* Matt's wife met him at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

scotty on the back beat: {ba dom bom, tishhhhh}

Brian came from a real tough neighborhood...He put his hand in cement on a new poured sidewalk and felt another hand.

Ed's face is so ugly his hair is running away from it.

Quote:

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laf once posed nude in the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. However, the staples covered enough to make it a PG-13 photo.

---

Only because the bottom two thirds of the page was stapled together.

Your so poor you can't afford to pay attention.

You’re so ugly your mom had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the family dog to play with you.

Sorry brian, got carried away

Your mama is so fat, I roll over twice, and Im still on the woman!!

When Oldman was in school, History was current events!

Oldman remembers when the Dead Sea was just ill!

Page

Your momma's so ugly, tears run down the back of her head so they don't have to see her face!

Your momma's so ugly, even the garbage man won't pick her up!

Page

BuDoc is a chiropractor.

Damn!! Now why did you have to go and do that???

Really low blow man!!

Page

LMAO!!!! You are so ugly your birth certificate was an apology from the condom company.

Yo momma so fat, she uses a boomerang to put on her belt!

My mama was so dumb she got locked in the supermarket and starved to death!

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

Note, I did not make any of these up.

I need to save my breath so I can blow your mom.

You're so fat you're in the way.

I know you are, but what am I.

Your momma is so fat she has a blackbelt in sushi.

Your momma is so poor burglars break in and leave her money.

Your momma is so poor burglars break in and leave her money.

Dang that's a funny one!

Your Momma's so nasty, she made Speed Stick slow down!

Your Momma's so hairy, Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Page

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but I'm afraid you've abused the privilege .

Your momma is so nasty, I called her up to say hello and she gave me an ear infection!

Page

Yo mamma so stupid, somebody ask her for head and shoulders. She said I can give you head but how do you give shoulders?!


Good Luck!
Mike

This is something Mark Twain said that I love:

"He is useless on top of the ground. He aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages."

Your Momma's so nasty, she takes crabs to the beach!

Page