Overheard when I was shopping:
"Wow how evil do you have to be in a former life to be that ugly in this one?"
Hopefully they were talking about someone else and I just happened to be nearby
I've posted this one before, but it was a very long time ago and it's one of my favourites:
Ex husband making huge scene or doorstep, me losing patience
ME: For goodness sake, you're showing yourself up
HIM: I couldn't give a F***
ME: I know, I've seen you try!