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#230829 - 02/14/06 09:39 AM Valentine's day massacre (sorta)
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Woof.

So I bought my wife some flowers, cards, etc., for Valentines day. Of course, I had to try to hide them from her so she wouldn't see them before the day. I couldn't think of anywhere in the house to hide them that my cats wouldn't get to, either.

So I left them (the flowers, not the cats) in the trunk of my car. It was about 25F degrees (-2C or so).

When I took them out of the trunk at 5:00am this morning, I had high hopes - they still looked good, and were nice and rigid.

Put 'em in some water, and marveled at my ingenuity. For about 10 minutes. Until every petal on every flower started dropping off. She is going to see them soon.

So, my question is, what techniques should I use to defend myself, or should I just start running NOW?
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#230830 - 02/14/06 09:41 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: MattJ]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
Cry. It will immediately disarm her. Nothing a woman likes more than a big hapless doof at her feet with the best of intentions.

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#230831 - 02/14/06 09:50 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: harlan]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
Quick Matt, Run out and buy her lots of scratchy uncomfortable underwear. That will make it all better.

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#230832 - 02/14/06 09:56 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: oldman]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
That's right...twist my words. Keep it up...and I'll pull a KiDoHae at 2040.

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#230833 - 02/14/06 10:03 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: MattJ]
Ed_Morris Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 6772
Matt, this is the 'solution':

...the effort will be appreciated.


(but what do I know...I'm divorced. lol)

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#230834 - 02/14/06 10:07 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: oldman]
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Quote:

Quick Matt, Run out and buy her lots of scratchy uncomfortable underwear. That will make it all better.




LOL!

ME - "Hey Hon! I got you a new Atama BJJ gi for Valentines! What, you say you don't do BJJ? Luckily, it fits me perfectly!"

HER - *sound of divorce papers*
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#230835 - 02/14/06 11:15 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: harlan]
schanne Offline
breaks things

Registered: 02/18/04
Posts: 4370
Loc: Woodbury NJ
At least you made a positive attempt to make her happy, but I'm on harlans side.
_________________________
The way of the warrior does not include other ways... Miyamoto Musashi Schanne

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#230836 - 02/14/06 12:32 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: schanne]
Dauragon c mikado Offline


Registered: 12/09/04
Posts: 1246
Loc: Oxford, England
_________________________
The way of the warrior is a resolute acceptance of death. -Musashi

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#230837 - 02/14/06 02:28 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: Dauragon c mikado]
rideonlythelabel Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1242
Loc: st-hubert quebec canada
I say fight fire with fire.

Read her a poem about the ephemeral nature of beauty.

Maybe Joel can suggest a good Haiku.

If she's not happy, call her "heartless" and "superficial". Then bring up every single thing she has done that annoyed you in the past year.

You win again.
_________________________
patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.

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#230838 - 02/14/06 02:30 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: rideonlythelabel]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
Let me guess...you are single...or about to become that way.

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#230839 - 02/14/06 02:55 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: rideonlythelabel]
Dauragon c mikado Offline


Registered: 12/09/04
Posts: 1246
Loc: Oxford, England
Quote:

I say fight fire with fire.

Read her a poem about the ephemeral nature of beauty.

Maybe Joel can suggest a good Haiku.

If she's not happy, call her "heartless" and "superficial". Then bring up every single thing she has done that annoyed you in the past year.

You win again.




I think shell tie him down and torture him, but wait your not supposed to like it!
_________________________
The way of the warrior is a resolute acceptance of death. -Musashi

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#230840 - 02/14/06 03:14 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: harlan]
rideonlythelabel Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1242
Loc: st-hubert quebec canada
Quote:

Let me guess...you are single...or about to become that way.




... she's a mind reader

I guess women don't like it when they have their techniques used against them
_________________________
patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.

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#230841 - 02/14/06 03:26 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: rideonlythelabel]
QuietGal Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/05
Posts: 177
Loc: Missouri
You could always use the rose petals in some sort of romantic scattering...oh who am I kidding??? Run! Run now!

Actually, it was definately the thought that counts. Hopefully she'll understand what happened. If not, it was nice hearing your thoughts on MA.
_________________________
QuietGal "I'm torn between the desire to create and the desire to destroy." - Lucy Van Pelt

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#230842 - 02/14/06 03:28 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: MattJ]
Cord Offline
Prolific

Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 11399
Loc: Cambridge UK.
Matt, you need to play man's trump card. The 'affable well meaning try hard goon' technique. You know, like the look your dog gives you when it has eaten your favourite shoes, rendering you unable to be angry with him without feeling guilty, even though you know you are in the right.

Perfect this technique, use it regularly, and not only doeas it get you out of tight spots, but it lowers your wifes expectations of you on a daily basis without diminishing her affection.

Work on it Padawan, and your life will become bliss. Now seems a very good time to start.
_________________________
Don't let the door hit ya' where the good lord split ya'
http://cord.mybrute.com

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#230843 - 02/14/06 04:03 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: Cord]
Dauragon c mikado Offline


Registered: 12/09/04
Posts: 1246
Loc: Oxford, England
No tricks, just RUUUUUNNN!
_________________________
The way of the warrior is a resolute acceptance of death. -Musashi

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#230844 - 02/14/06 04:16 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: Cord]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
Harlan, Quiet gal, Can you be my uke for a of a demo?


Deep, quiet, radiant,

still

Moving she displays a furious peace

How I ache

when once again I fail

To grasp

the depth

of you.

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#230845 - 02/14/06 05:10 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: Cord]
Ed_Morris Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 6772
awww...man, Cord!! telling all the guy secrets on open forum.... OK Well, since the ultimate secret has already been reveiled...I'll let you in on 10 years of marriage secrets that ultimately fail:

secret 1. "How to never forget to lower the toilet seat, by never raising it in the first place."

why it failed: aim was not always perfect.

2. Adjust the lie based on her previous truths.

failed: the lies eventually form a perfect outline of the truth.

3. Mixing colors with whites in the hopes you will never be asked to do laundry again.
failure: doh! why did I have to do that with the gi's!

4. Putting iron pans and cutlery into the dishwasher, in the hopes you'll never be asked to do dishes again.
failed: she uses your card to buy new ones.

5. "going out with the guys" = ('dancer entertainment' bar).
failed: Glitter on your forehead and cheek.

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#230846 - 02/14/06 08:37 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: Ed_Morris]
kyokushinkai Offline
Member

Registered: 05/27/05
Posts: 327
Loc: Prince Edward Island , Canada
Ah crap!! it's valentines day?! thats why she's been ignoring me... Im in for a real beatdown tommorow at school


Oh yea wait.. I dont got a girlfriend wheww that would have been close......
_________________________
"Using a spoon to row a boat is clearly the act of an idiot." Cord

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#230847 - 02/14/06 09:18 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: harlan]
MattJWife Offline
Mrs. Administrator

Registered: 11/05/05
Posts: 4
I want stems again next year! I'd rather pick up all the fallen petals on the first day, instead of everyday for the next 2 weeks. Great idea Matt. FYI he could have just blamed it on the cats and I would have believed him.
_________________________
my martial arts knowledge: duct tape/ice/911

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#230848 - 02/15/06 03:30 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: MattJWife]
McSensei Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 1068
Loc: Kent, England
He's saving that excuse for next year.
_________________________
http://www.semtexgym.co.uk/

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#230849 - 02/15/06 04:23 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: McSensei]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
Here's the problem. Guys are automatically set up for failure by having valentines day,it's some sort of man hating conspiracy and eventually every man will get in trouble over it.
YOU MUST by flowers!
YOU MUST buy chocolate!
YOU MUST buy a card!
YOU MUST buy a stuffed animal with hearts on it!

All of these are cliche' and will fail you eventually for different reasons.

Oficially I bought my girlfriend a dozen roses,chocolate,and pretty pink heart pajamas. Luckily,this is not my year and I passed the test!!
If the test failed I would have gone for the RNC and tell her later that she fainted in the presence of my spectacular gift!!
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#230850 - 02/15/06 10:40 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: QuietGal]
PastTheWall Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/05
Posts: 104
Loc: London
Quote:

You could always use the rose petals in some sort of romantic scattering...




Actually that's a pretty good idea. If I was in the same situation I would pretty-up the bathroom, light some nice candles and scatter them around the bath and some in. Maybe some nice bath salts to relax after a long day.

Sounds nice enough to me, sharing an apartment with two ladies is a bonus when it comes to coming up with good ideas for treats. No Mr Roper downstairs though

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#230851 - 02/15/06 11:10 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: MattJ]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3116
Loc: East Coast, United States
Hello MattJ:

Await her return from work... kow-tow genuinely and profusely and offer her your sharpest blade... completely in earnest.

Alternatively, try finding a pretty PLANT at the local stores??? Alternatively take the pedals spread them on the bed, sheets, pillows (with her card correct) and well.... hope ?

I feel you pain brother, I do feel your pain....

J (Bruised from head to toe by his beautiful, wonderful wife.... HI HONEY....)

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#230852 - 02/15/06 12:10 PM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: PastTheWall]
McSensei Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 1068
Loc: Kent, England
"No Mr Roper downstairs though"

You're showing your age there mate.
_________________________
http://www.semtexgym.co.uk/

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#230853 - 02/16/06 05:56 AM Re: Valentine's day massacre (sorta) [Re: McSensei]
PastTheWall Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/05
Posts: 104
Loc: London
Quote:

You're showing your age there mate.




Tis true I'm ancient, constantly in fear of breaking my hip at class

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