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#224606 - 01/23/06 12:52 AM My Girlfriend/dojo tale
Salek Offline

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 475
Loc: Minnesota
So I decided to bring my ex(when she wasnt an ex) to a class... she would just sit in the seats and watch... well she decided to stand, lean against the wall, and cross her arms... MAJOR disrespect towards my sensei... Luckily he thought it was humorous seeing my obvious embarassment, and just asked her to have a seat...

I never brought her back, too distracting... Any one else have similar tales?

#224607 - 01/23/06 01:18 AM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: Salek]
Dereck Offline

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 10416
Loc: Great White North
No but when new people start they will lean on the walls or bend over or put hands on hips or cross their arms. Our Instructor will point this out or others in class if catch it before he does they will point it out. I was even reminded by a black belt twice and made a conscious effort to not do it again.

Very few watch our classes but if they do then they watch from 4 windows along a wall outside of the training area. This way they are not a distraction nor can they be heard. When testing people are allowed in the back of the dojo but their mannerisms are never an issue. Unless you are being trained then those that are not do not have to follow any rules.

#224608 - 01/23/06 01:56 AM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: Dereck]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas

Unless you are being trained then those that are not do not have to follow any rules.

Exactly. The instructor shouldn't pay attention to those looking in unless they are disrupting the class,if so they can be asked to leave.
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<

#224609 - 01/23/06 10:53 AM My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: Salek]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3119
Loc: East Coast, United States
Hello Salek:

<<well she decided to stand, lean against the wall, and cross her arms... MAJOR disrespect towards my sensei...

Help flesh this out a little bit... where is this "disrespect" in her actions? If she had walked across the training floor and then done as you described, ok... if she had been disruptive in your instructors class... I would understand the issue.

How is leaning/crossing-arms by an adult "disrespectful":( in any way? (I can only imagine what might happen if she had the affrontery <sp.?> to I don't know... YAWN, or pass wind while a spectator, if "standing" is considered so offensive)


#224610 - 01/23/06 11:25 AM Distractions in the dojo [Re: Salek]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
I have found it distracting to have any family members around while training. For me, I find it necessary, and desirable, to leave my personal life at the door. I know that my life will be picked up when I leave, but while at the dojo I am mentally completed focused on training. In the beginning, I had no choice but to bring along my kids, but eventually I put down my foot (so to speak) and insisted that this was 'my time'.

#224611 - 01/23/06 11:36 AM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: Ronin1966]
Kysogkram Offline

Registered: 01/01/06
Posts: 137
Loc: Denmark
Well, its body language really. Leaning against a wall and crossing your arms, you're basically showing a lack of interest and openness toward what's going on.

If you're allowed to spectate a class, it's because you're interested in what's going on, and as such you should ideally pay as much attention to what's going as anyone participating in the class.

If you're spectating a class at my dojo, you're expected to sit properly (without leaning on anything) and at least look like you're interested .

On the yawn thing, at my dojo, at least while participating in class, yawning will cost you 20 pushups (on the knuckles, as will being late and a host of other things).

#224612 - 01/23/06 11:54 AM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: Kysogkram]
JasonM Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 2502
I disagree with the body language as showing a lack of interest. Becuase I cross my arms and will still be interested in what I am watching. I think the girlfriend is not prone to the customs of a traditional dojo. If I remember correctly, the reasoning for not leaning on the walls is because the walls in japan are made out of rice paper and so the leaning was to reflect trainin in Japan. We are in the US and not Japan. I am playing devils advocate here. I would never lean on the walls, but that is how I was taught. If I saw my kids or wife leaning on the walls, I would correct them. Again, in America it is quite custom to lean on something.
90 percent of good abs is your nutrition

#224613 - 01/23/06 12:01 PM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: JasonM]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6665
Loc: Amherst, MA
Is this post about:

-forcing your interests on family members
-dojo etiquette for visitors


#224614 - 01/23/06 12:26 PM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: JasonM]
QuietGal Offline

Registered: 05/24/05
Posts: 177
Loc: Missouri
MrMoyer: You're crazy enough to "correct" your wife??? I just find that funny (but then again, I'm at work and about ready to have a nervous break down because of paperwork, a neurotic co-worker, and lack of sleep - so why am I on line??? ).

Anyways...without more information, or more importantly, seeing the girlfriend's actions myself, its hard to judge whether or not it was disrespectful. That said, it doesn't seem all that bad to me. Does the sensei have a problem with women? Was the wall freshly painted? Was the girlfriend in the way of training? I question why the guy jumped all over this "bad" behavior.
QuietGal "I'm torn between the desire to create and the desire to destroy." - Lucy Van Pelt

#224615 - 01/23/06 12:30 PM Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale [Re: QuietGal]
JasonM Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 2502
lmao..U bring up a good point. Honestly, MA is the only thing I am so passionate about. The wife even says she wished I would get that passionate about her..
90 percent of good abs is your nutrition

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