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#222315 - 01/13/06 09:01 AM Kensho and broken hearts
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
I had a post by a member asking me a personal question...basically dealing with a broken heart. I know all you bad boys of the martial arts have had your hearts broken...at least once. Thought I would post my reply.

****

Cry.

When I was about 8 yrs old, my teacher died in a car accident. To me, she was a surrogate mother...and I loved her with all of my heart...more than my own mom (my poor mother...she was never jealous over this). Anyway, I remember the day I found out. It was literally like being plunged into darkness...like the sun being turned off.

I must have cried for days...I don't recall. But I do remember my mom, at one point, telling me that I 'have to stop crying. She will hear you and won't be able to go to heaven.' I could imagine her spirit hovering over me, so I hid my tears.

I stopped crying...and didn't cry again for more than 30 years. And I had things happen that I should have cried about. Learn to grieve. Learn to see what you are experiencing, and to accept it. It won't kill you...although you may wish you were dead. At some point, you realize the sun still comes up everyday, and you learn to appreciate that warmth on your face.

I'll tell you a secret: great insight, kensho, awakening, spirituality...whatever you want to call it...is not possible without great sorrow. Love brings us pain...and surprisingly pain brings us compassion for others...which in turn opens us up for spiritual awakening.

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#222316 - 01/13/06 09:12 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: harlan]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"

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#222317 - 01/13/06 09:20 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: harlan]
still wadowoman Offline
Improved beefier techno-prat

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 3420
Loc: Residence:UK- Heart:Md, USA
Quote:


It won't kill you...although you may wish you were dead.




I disagree - real heartbreak can kill part of you....... sometimes it's reversable, but not always.
Sharon
_________________________
Anyone mind if I sit down?

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#222318 - 01/13/06 10:15 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: still wadowoman]
Bushi_no_ki Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1667
Loc: POM, Monterey CA
One of the first things I did when my grandfather died was make time to cry. My heart was broken. He had sacrificed so much so I could try and secure my future, and he never got to see one success from that. I cried for days on end.

The day after he died, I had a tournament. It was to be one of my last. I dedicated my kata to him. I placed. Before the tournament, between kata and sparring, and after the tournament, I could do nothing by cry. It is cathartic to cry, and we are able to deal with the emotions when we cry.

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#222319 - 01/13/06 05:16 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: harlan]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
Beautiful, Harlan.

I've buried two friends in a year from damned cancer. Funny thing is, having shed a few tears, I now laugh when I think of them.

What does haunt me tho, is the memory of their kids... losing parents at a young age. Even my tears can't always dry theirs.
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#222320 - 01/15/06 01:57 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: Bushi_no_ki]
CrossTraining Offline
Newbie

Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 13
Loc: So.California
hey,
Great stuff, it seems that sometimes in the MA were can avoid, deny or just forget the pain in our lives and lose what makes us so unique as individuals. Impressive
CrossTraining

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#222321 - 01/15/06 04:32 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: CrossTraining]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
I think part of it is somewhere in our MA training we find the button to hold our emotions and feelings so we can 'do the job'. I know that there are times when I have to switch off all outside influences and concentrate on what I need to do, whether it is MA related or not.
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#222322 - 01/16/06 01:41 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: trevek]
CrossTraining Offline
Newbie

Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 13
Loc: So.California
good point, sometimes focus requires that of us. Do you find that you switch off the emotions and then later return to what you where feeling or do you keep them switched off?
CrossTraining

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#222323 - 01/16/06 02:28 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: trevek]
Christie Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 07/12/05
Posts: 872
Loc: Waterloo, ON
Quote:

I think part of it is somewhere in our MA training we find the button to hold our emotions and feelings so we can 'do the job'. I know that there are times when I have to switch off all outside influences and concentrate on what I need to do, whether it is MA related or not.




I hear ya' on this one. I find I have pretty good control over my emotions and that I can "shut them off and get down to business" when life requires me to do so.

When my grandfather passed away in December he did so in the midst of my final exams. I had six exams to write in six days - not only that but in those six days there was a 24 hour period where I had to write three exams and a three day period where I had to write four exams.

On top of all of that I now had a grandfather to mourn, a ulogy to write and no family around me to help until I went home after my exams were over - the day I went home was the day of the funeral. I literally went from the airport to the funeral. It was a very emotionally trying time but I pulled through the semester with a GPA of 3.0 because I was able to "shut those emotions off" and concentrate on what I knew was important - passing my final exams.

I had my time to mourn and I did do so, but I think knowing when is the right time to mourn is important. Life doesn't stop when tragedy strikes.

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#222324 - 01/16/06 05:38 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: Christie]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
Christie, well done. Sorry to hear of your loss.
Yep, finding the right time is also a special thing.
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#222325 - 01/17/06 12:58 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: trevek]
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
I don't know how to cry anymore,I just *sigh*.
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#222326 - 01/17/06 01:10 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: BrianS]
JoelM Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/26/04
Posts: 6355
Loc: Georgia, USA
I haven't cried in a while. Sometimes I feel like I need to, but it just hasn't come.

I think a good emotional outburst (not in a violent manner) is a good cleansing. If I haven't cried in a while (like now) I get a little pent-up feeling, a little more likely to unleash on others in a bad way.

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#222327 - 01/17/06 03:14 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: BrianS]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
You know, the inability to cry (especially when you want to) can sometimes be linked with depression (not trying to scare you)
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

Top
#222328 - 01/17/06 11:17 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: trevek]
umsangil Offline
Member

Registered: 07/22/05
Posts: 83
i dont cry i get angry. then i go train and i feel better.

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#222329 - 01/18/06 08:11 PM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: umsangil]
don_juan Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/05
Posts: 82
Loc: USA, Indiana, decatur
I dont cry ethier i get this angery feeling and just run and get it off my head. I also heard this pretty neat qoute and thought i should post it on this topic. "Being angery is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but you get nowhere."
_________________________
-Confused Clouds Rain

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#222330 - 01/19/06 07:39 AM Re: Kensho and broken hearts [Re: trevek]
Dauragon c mikado Offline


Registered: 12/09/04
Posts: 1246
Loc: Oxford, England
Quote:

You know, the inability to cry (especially when you want to) can sometimes be linked with depression (not trying to scare you)




Maybe this is true, I feel like crying now but I just sit with a normal expression as I write this.

My fellow students in the room dont have clue, but surley, if I'm not expressing myself then how many others could be crying inside?

How much silent suffering is going on all around us?

Its a sad fact that as long as we live we will always be subject to suffering.
_________________________
The way of the warrior is a resolute acceptance of death. -Musashi

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