ok. this room includes 'Tales', so lets try to top each other with outrageous claims, shall we?
I'll start.

Everyone already knows I'm an Nth degree black-belt; since I am so advanced, I no longer fit into a linear rank model and have journeyed into the realm of geometric progression....but what nobody is aware of is that I received advanced training from an ancient race of people who were masters of the (almost) lost fighting Art of Atlantis. The strength of the art is in harnessing the power of the atoms around you in a way that is too complex for your simple 3-dimensional minds. Explaining it in this post would cause the entire global internet community to come to a smoking halt. I can prove my skill because I kept the receipt when I purchased the certificate.

top that.

Everything you know about my identity is fake. I was first born as a caveman 12390784 years ago. When I was a toddler, I used to wrestle mammoths for fun. I was the toughest being (and still am) on Earth. Every other caveman wimpered in fear at my mere sight, and my word was law everywhere I went. I then died of old age when I was 932834 years old, because I'm so though. I went to hell, but I gave the devil a whooping and forced him to let me back on Earth. Then I told God I'd do the same to him if he sent me to heaven. Since that time, I have taken various identities namely Napoleon, Jules Caesar, Genghis Khan, but I got tired of ruling the world because it's too easy, so I decided to live a normal human existance so I could better understand why humans are so pathetic. Not that I needed to because I'm the smartest and I understand everything. I have taken over the life of rideonlythelabel. He's such a great guy. If I wasn't him, I'd wish I was. I love myself.

Ninjas attack me every night swinging into my house through my play-wood windows (glass is so expensive to replace and perspex melts too easily) i mastered muto dori at the age of three and am skilled in catching swords midswing. i then like to break the blade and be-head my attacker with it. the pile of beheaded ninjas in my garden is getting a little high. should get out the kerosene and some marshmellows on a stick sometime this week.

i recently mastered dim mak. i can rip peoples ribs out of there bodys adam and eve style and i can cut off llimbs with my ridge hands. i've also mastered the nunchuks, tonfa, bo staff, jo staff, kyudo, sai, most swords, and i can out kick the tkd-ers, out grapple the jjj/bjj/judo/wsestling guys (no-one can beat my wall of jerico!!!) and out punch the kun-fu karate guys...oh and krav is just BS!

you can do all this two just deposit £50.00 a month into funstick5000@hotmail.com paypal and i'll send you a new video and weapon for you to mastery in 5 easy steps!!

ashida kim is god.

UFC is for pansys.

The government would have you believe that superman is a comic character, but he is real!! I am superman!

*bows respectfully*

I am really Bruce Li, which is why I cannot fill in all the blanks of my profile. How will it look if I say 'founder of Jeet Kune Do?'

I sincerely apologise for misleading all you people for so long.

I shall be coming out of hiding soon and do a sequel to 'Enter the Dragon' with the tentative title of "Re-Enter the Dragon"

The venue for auditions for supporting casts will be announced in due course. A preliminary suitability test will be conducted by MattJ, which involves the compulsary groin-kick test. All those who failed will be sent to BrianS for trauma evaluation and then to Budoc for free treatment and finally to Harlan for rehabilitation at Oldman's house. Please contact my marketing agent JoelM for further details. I've recently recruited a monkey boy, but as he is new to the job, I'll see what to assign him soon.

Stay in tune.

I am quite normal.

I kicked Oldmans A$$...Twice!!!

Top that!

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Well, you did say outrageous claims didn't you?!

Well, I'm a gynocologist and I got my Shodan and my M.D. At The University of Cameroon.