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#195524 - 10/29/05 06:40 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
My final words walk away, its hard but character building. Secondly never pull a weapon without the intent to use it, if you cocked your arm, hit him hard, loosen some teeth. I mean if your going to get angry and fight do it well.
Then no one would call you she hulk, and he wouldnt still be messing with you. If someone is verbally abusive, get the police, that would stop him.
Goju Girl I pray for your peace, that you will always have the strength and courage to avoid confrontation, and if they wont let you, the madness and skill to end it quickly.

*bows respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

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#195525 - 10/29/05 11:21 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Since you are looking for advice after all, I'll answer your questions directly to the best of my ability.

Quote:

why did I snap?




You're human, when someone does something we don't like, we get angry. Learning how to deal with anger is important, I'm glad you snapped out of it before you did anything worse than you did. You should try talking to people about what is making you angry, communication makes things better and also can provide you with solutions when you're confused.

Quote:

Was I in the right?




Right and wrong are ambiguous at best, this is something you'll have to figure out for yourself based on your principles and morals. Whether you were within your school rules and the law are far easier to discover. He was harassing you and did start poking you with a ruler. Now, technically that could be taken as assault in many countries right there. I personally think what you did was justified. One question, how many times did you express your discomfort to him and how many times did you ask him to stop?

Quote:

Any insights?




Nothing else to add really.

Quote:

My friends are too biased for me to ask.




Your friends might provide you better answers because they know you better than we do.
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195526 - 11/17/05 01:33 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Avalon Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 50
Loc: Canada
Hi Goju-girl. I can relate to your situation; when I was in school, for most of my school years, I was also the "weird kid", funny looking with low confidence and a low understanding of social complexities. I also was poked at and called names, for several years. The worst of it started in grade five and it levelled off somewhat in grade eleven, and the self-esteem damage had been done.

Why did you snap? I don't think you really "snapped" in the true sense. If your mental state had slipped entirely you would have continued to pummel the guy long after his shirt ripped. If an adult had to endure that kind of thing at work they would have had a similar reaction, and the offender would have been disciplined, unlike in school where the administration usually ignores such things.

Yes, you did the right thing. You didn't harm the guy but you did make it very clear to him and those around him that you are not to be pushed around. You didn't return his attacks immediately which shows that you have patience, but you also have your breaking point and that is to be respected.

Fighting back, especially at your age and with your popularity issues, is more important at this point than just sitting there and taking abuse. You are reminding yourself that you count, that you are important, and that you deserve better. (Notice I said fighting BACK, not starting them!) I didn't see your "self-esteem" thread but if that is an issue for you, as it is with many junior high students, then your self-esteem will be crushed further if you allow people to abuse you. There is a certain amount of flack that you have to accept from people; folks of all ages have to tolerate certain situations where they would rather fight. But, it sounds like you're doing that already.

In my school years I almost never fought back and I can tell you, that didn't do me any good. The reason I just sat and took it was because I came from a very violent home and my experience with violence was that others who were bigger and stronger would escalate it until the weapons came out. Nothing was ever settled with a scrap. It was a fight to the death (or 'til the cops came!). So, I didn't want this sort of thing happening at school either.

Fast forward 25 years to where I am at now, at the age of 37: My self-esteem is now quite high and I think very highly of my personality and how I turned out. The rejection in school helped me to forge my own path, define my own identity, and follow my own voice. For the most part I am right where I want to be, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. That seems somewhat rare for people my age; so many people in my peer group are struggling for self-definition and meaning. The people who I call friends are first-rate awesome people, open and caring and level-headed, I am a great mom and a valued employee. (I work now with troubled youth in group homes and independent settings, and am able to handle their crises very well thanks to my experiences in youth!)

You'll get there as well. I actually am surprised at your age; from your well-composed posts throughout the forum I thought you were older. Remember this: If you don't fit into the mainstream now, you probably never will. Rejoice in this. Walk your path one step at a time, enjoy your MA training, stay away from drugs and alcohol (I cannot stress that one enough!!), don't be afraid to be alone, and remember that you have a place on this earth. You'll find your "tribe" once you really have a sense of who you are, and you'll love it.

A.

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#195527 - 11/17/05 03:52 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Avalon]
chickenchaser Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/05
Posts: 204
Loc: Auburn,New York,U.S.A.
i think you did the right thing.i mean you took the "crap" until you couldn't take anymore,you showed him up and that was it you didn't do anything to harm him physically and that shows maturity beyond your age.i am glad that you kept a bit of level headedness because you showed him that you could be like him but that you also chose not to and to me this is a good thing.i say we need more people like you roaming arround this world nikita!!!
_________________________
"The early bird gets the worm, but the bird in a hurry only gets half of one." --- Sensei Corey

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#195528 - 11/17/05 05:37 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: chickenchaser]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Avalon and chickenchaser,

Thank you both for your posts, yeah things are much different now in highschool (for now) and I'm still considered a little weird (dyed red hair, vegitarian, martial artist, can actually understand Shakespear, ect.) but there are so many OTHER weird people surrounding me, no one seems to care much

Quote:

The reason I just sat and took it was because I came from a very violent home and my experience with violence was that others who were bigger and stronger would escalate it until the weapons came out. Nothing was ever settled with a scrap. It was a fight to the death (or 'til the cops came!). So, I didn't want this sort of thing happening at school either.




I'm really sorry to hear that you had to grow up with this kind of thing in your life , although as you said you turned out fine, and it gave you the experience to help others, and that's a good thing .

Quote:

You'll get there as well. I actually am surprised at your age; from your well-composed posts throughout the forum I thought you were older



Quote:

that shows maturity beyond your age



I get that ALOT even when people see me face to face they think I'm 17+ but thank you all the same as far as actual maturity goes... well... I'll get back to you guys on that

Thank you both for your thoughts (haha and I thought this thread was dead ) Well anyways thank you, your posts made my day a little better, and made me smile <- see? Well anyways thanks and ttyl

-Nikita
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195529 - 11/18/05 01:12 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
chickenchaser Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/05
Posts: 204
Loc: Auburn,New York,U.S.A.
you ever stop and think that you are the normal one and the other people are the weird ones.....???
_________________________
"The early bird gets the worm, but the bird in a hurry only gets half of one." --- Sensei Corey

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#195530 - 11/18/05 12:09 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
traq Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/05
Posts: 131
Loc: SoCal
you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?

Anyhow, your response in this situation was not inappropriate. There is a difference between "being the bigger person" and "sitting there and taking it" - you cannot allow someone to continue bullying you. It shows a lack of respect for yourself, and that's what encourages further disrespect from the bully. I also believe that you were right in deciding not to hit him -and whether you "wound up" or not, the right decision is always better late than never.

I can see that you've worked through all this, but for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situatuion, keep in mind that what you did was not successful because it was violent: it was successful because you showed that you were not willing to be a victim. It is very easy to misinterpret violence as a "solution" in situations like these. If you had allowed yourself to slug the next bully that came along, you would have soon been the bully yourself. especially when you're young, don't rely too much on your ability to make a "measured response." Even adults get carried away with this.
_________________________
Adrian USKO Riverside dojo/ Madison Elem. after-school

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#195531 - 11/18/05 02:05 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: traq]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Quote:

you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?




I reckon it's better to call him witty. If only because I like his sense of humour and irony. But that's a topic for another forum...
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195532 - 11/30/05 09:20 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: traq]
F4H Offline
Newbie

Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Alexandria VA
Quote:

you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?






LOL!!
_________________________
Keep Training

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#195533 - 12/10/05 12:10 PM Post deleted by oldman [Re: goju_girl]
Anonymous
Unregistered



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