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#195494 - 10/20/05 07:14 PM "The She Hulk"
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Hi there, well I'm new here and I dunno I guess I just feel I should post something about myself to get started in the forum, and let you guys know I'm here. So here's a little story about me:

In grade seven I was always considered "the weird kid". While no one said it to my face I could tell by the way the talked... AT me. Not to say I had no friends, I had and still have great friends, but I'm talking about the school wide majority. Well one day someone gets the bright idea to let me know what was on his small mind.

It was right after a math test (my worst subject) he started poking fun at me. Calling me ugly, fat, loner, druggy, basically any mean/derrogatory name he could possibly think of. well by the time lunch rolled around he had run out of names and just started to say my name very fast while poking me with a ruler.

I don't know exactly what made me snap, but something in my mind (I think my common sense) flipped off. The next thing I knew I had backed him into the wall grabbed the neck of his shirt and was winding my arm for a punch to the nose. But then I heard a faint *riiip* sound, it was the seam of his shirt, and I came back to reality, I put my arm down, and just said "BACK OFF" and went to the washroom to wipe away the tears, I always get mad at myself for doing stupid things and usually end up crying, but not quite as much as of last year (grade eight). So yes, from then on for the rest of the seventh grade I was regarded as "the she hulk", "The shirt ripper", and some genious even called me a rapist (but one not so nice glare shut him up).

I guess this one thought has always bugged me...
why did I snap? Was I in the right? Any insights? My friends are too biased for me to ask.

-Nikita
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195495 - 10/20/05 08:49 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Ahh middle school, good and bad memories in that mix. Thank you for sharing your story, it must have taken quite a bit of courage to tell, I think.

I usually ignore people who bug me, I'm to lazy to lay the smackdown on them.

I wouldn't worry too much about what you did, but remember that two wrongs don't make a right. Don't hold grudges, it could be that much of what you think is happening actually isn't. You'll probably find out later that what happens in school is rather silly and juvenile but that will come with time.

EVERYONE has doubts and insecurities. You are not alone. Those people who make fun of you probably do it because they are either insecure themselves or afraid of you (in a good way).

Also you needn't be uncomfortable about who you are. You should be proud of your achievements and always remember your better points. (Bear in mind and try to improve your worse points too). Also, I know it's hard, but don't pay too much attention to what other people say about you. Other people don't really know you and they usually don't have a clue who you really are. If they do say something you think might be true, well do your best to make it better.

If you are overweight might I suggest two things. Firstly, a well balanced food intake, refer to the food pyramid for this:

http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/Food_Facts/Fact_Sheets/about%20_the_healthy_eating_pyramid.asp
http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/News_in_Nutrition/Media_Releases/New_healthy_eating_pyramid.asp
http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/Nutrition_for_all_ages/Teens/teens_index.asp
http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/Nutrition_for_all_ages/Children/dietary_guidelines.asp

Secondly, regular cardiovascular/aerobic exercise. This means jogging, running, swimming, cycling and other sports which raise your heart rate (not necessarily MA). This should be done for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, 3 days weekly. Vary your routine so you don't get bored with it. Consult your doctor before embarking on an exercise routine to lose weight.

Also a hint from someone who's been there: keep a diary. Write down everything you eat every day. Read it at the end of the day every day. Also write down exercises you do and your weight and measurements (particularly waist). For some reason, reading just how much you eat is a very good incentive to eat less.

Find out what your healthy body mass index(BMI) is from your doctor. When you reach a healthy BMI do not try to lose any more weight this is very unhealthy. Keep exercising regularly and eating healthily but not quite as rigerously as previously.

DO NOT DIET, exercise and healthy eating is the way to go, those diets are really just marketing ploys to make money from people's gullability. If you want to lose weight, there's no shortcuts, it takes hard work.

As to your looks, well being male I don't know too much about it but I'll tell you one thing. A frown can ruin a beautiful face and a smile can make one.

When you are happy with who you are and comfortable with yourself, people will naturally come to like you. It worked for me, I went from being a nobody who everybody didn't want to know to being the most talked about and well known person in my school. All because I stopped caring what other people thought about me and started caring about who I really wanted to be.

Edit: I realise on a second reading of your post that you've probably already moved past these issues, but many people don't know much about them. Particularly the importance of healthy eating and exercise. You'd be surprised at the number of people who can't even tell you the healthy eating pyramid off the top of their head or what aerobic exercise is and how it differs from anaerobic exercise. I'm no expert but I know about it and it's helped me lose and keep off my weight.


Edited by Leo_E_49 (10/20/05 09:04 PM)
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195496 - 10/20/05 09:55 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Leo_E_49]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Good job Leo!!

goju girl,
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did. He wanted a rise out of you and he got it.On the other hand learn from what you did and think of a different approach next time so you'll be prepared.
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195497 - 10/21/05 11:20 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Leo_E_49]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Hey! Thanks for your posts, both were really nice. But a special thanks to Leo, that post must have taken a while to write! Thanks, both of you for taking the time to answer my post it means alot. Well anyways I'm tired... thanks and ttyl
-Nikita

P.S. Just to clarify... I'm not exactly overwieght (and as cheesy/fake as this may sound) I'm just big boned... but it's true! I'll stop there however, although I'm still adjusting to a vegetarian diet so my wieght has been doing a flip flop (nothing really drastic I went up 5 lbs, and then lost them, so I don't know how this'll turn out )Anyways, thanks for the sites and advice Leo (can never be too healthy or happy)


Edited by goju_girl (10/21/05 11:29 PM)
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195498 - 10/22/05 09:44 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Make sure you eat lentils to keep your protein levels regular if you're a vegetarian (unless you eat fish or eggs that is).
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195499 - 10/22/05 10:25 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Leo_E_49]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Thank you, you're too kind... remind me to come to you whenever I need dietary advice! ok well thanks again for everything.
ttyl
-Nikita
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195500 - 10/23/05 12:18 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
You must learn to be bigger than the enemy!! In this case you were wrong, untill attacked (I doubt a ruler to the side would cause grevious bodily harm), never respond. You are only feeding the monster. What if his friends/girlfriend hit you from the back or stabbed you with a cafeteria utensil!! Think carefully before acting!! Sanchin, you should know better than to encourage violence!


Edited by h2whoa (10/23/05 12:23 AM)
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

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#195501 - 10/23/05 08:15 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Quote:

You must learn to be bigger than the enemy!! In this case you were wrong, untill attacked (I doubt a ruler to the side would cause grevious bodily harm), never respond. You are only feeding the monster. What if his friends/girlfriend hit you from the back or stabbed you with a cafeteria utensil!! Think carefully before acting!! Sanchin, you should know better than to encourage violence!




Do you have some kind of superiority complex or something?
What if? What if? What if the principle would have thrown her our the third floor window? I think she did just fine. If you sit around and take it,it will get worse. Noone was hurt by her action except the bully's pride.
Yes goju girl,next time do nothing,just let the hyena's eat you.

h2whoa,
Get off your high horse,it's making me ill. I don't promote violence,but when someone acts on you,you don't just sit there and take it.
"Here comes the tyrant to raid the village!!!" "It's ok Martha, we're die hard pacifist til' the end. What if his buddies get us from behind when we fight back?"

*gags internally*
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195502 - 10/23/05 09:26 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
RangerG Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 1026
Loc: Chester County, Pennsylvania
There is a time to ignore the bully, a time to resist the bully and a time to put the bully on the floor. The wisdom of age and experience teach you when a particular response is appropriate.

Attack with a ruler is a time for moderate resistance. The ruler is a weapon, albet a minor one depending on the area struck or jabbed.

Attack with a fork or knife is time for violent response, regardless of the school policy.

The school is responsible for providing a safe environment for education. When the school fails to provide safety, a persons rights, even a minors, to protect themselves from harm comes into play.

Words, minor shoves or hostile looks are not appropriate for a violent response. They are a time to pity the bully for the unhappy life he/she must live that make him/her so.
_________________________
"If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough."

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#195503 - 10/23/05 09:39 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: RangerG]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Quote:

Words, minor shoves or hostile looks are not appropriate for a violent response. They are a time to pity the bully for the unhappy life he/she must live that make him/her so.




I disagree, this only escalates the problem. Namecalling turns into poking , poking turns into shoving , shoving turns into etc. etc.etc... Cut the problem off before more happens.

When I was in 8th grade a bully sat behind me at a pep rally. He started calling me names, then pushing my head from behind. As we left the pep rally he followed me up the stairs tripping me the whole way. When I got to my locker he stood behind me antagonizing me,then wham,he shoved my head into my locker. I turned around and let him have it good until a teacher pulled me off of him. After that he wanted to be friends,so we did.
At what point should I have reacted? When it started or when I got a bruise from my locker? What if one of his friends stabbed me in the neck with a fork?
Maybe I should have said "Thankyou, may I have another."
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195504 - 10/23/05 10:14 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
RangerG Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 1026
Loc: Chester County, Pennsylvania
Ah, but my friend, the level escalated, and thus you responded. I would concede that long term antagonism must be delt with, but a better place and time favorable to you should be chosen. I understand your point as I was picked on in grade school myself. I gather how I am presenting my opinion is flawed. I guess I am saying that dealing with bullies is much like tilting at windmills...to borrow a literary example. There will always be bullies, ignore the minor ones, resist the moderate ones, and kick the @ss of the hostile ones...in an appropriate location if possible.

If I have failed to make my point clear, the fault is mine.
_________________________
"If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough."

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#195505 - 10/23/05 10:17 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: RangerG]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
I see what you are getting at. I still think she acted appropriately. It's not like she bashed his head in and he initiated it.
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195506 - 10/23/05 06:35 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

Quote:

You must learn to be bigger than the enemy!! In this case you were wrong, untill attacked (I doubt a ruler to the side would cause grevious bodily harm), never respond. You are only feeding the monster. What if his friends/girlfriend hit you from the back or stabbed you with a cafeteria utensil!! Think carefully before acting!! Sanchin, you should know better than to encourage violence!




Do you have some kind of superiority complex or something?
What if? What if? What if the principle would have thrown her our the third floor window? I think she did just fine. If you sit around and take it,it will get worse. Noone was hurt by her action except the bully's pride.
Yes goju girl,next time do nothing,just let the hyena's eat you.

h2whoa,
Get off your high horse,it's making me ill. I don't promote violence,but when someone acts on you,you don't just sit there and take it.
"Here comes the tyrant to raid the village!!!" "It's ok Martha, we're die hard pacifist til' the end. What if his buddies get us from behind when we fight back?"

*gags internally*




I felt that all avenues of defence were not exhausted. Yes I am a pacifist, that seems to offend you. Do you travel from post to post looking to make personal comments about me. I think you need a new hobby, it is rather boring sanchin. That sort of thing should be beneath you sanchin. I choose to ignore your personal comments.... goju girl this is what I mean by not feeding the monster. Goju girl when you fight with someone expect karma, generally in the form of him and his three big mates. When the tyrant raids the village....and you kill him, you sentence your family to death.
Only you know whether you were right or wrong, whether you had exhausted all possibilities of defending yourself in a non violent fashion. Did you think that maybe he likes you, boys are abit silly sometimes!!

*bows respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

Top
#195507 - 10/23/05 07:16 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
h2whoa,
I am not a pacifist so if we aren't seeing eye to eye on this let me know. For one thing, this punk kid was not exactly a tyrant or gangster so he really didn't have anyone backing him up on this (which is even more stupid than doing something like that to begin with) this was probably because he expected me to just sit there and take his crap (I guess I left him a little dissapointed ) and finally, if he "liked" me I don't think the proper way to go about it would be calling me "a fat ugly whore" do you? Sorry if I sound cynical or angry with this, but after everything happened people kept comming up to me asking me if I liked HIM! However I think I know where you're comming from with your post, you just kind of hit a soft spot there. So I'm sorry for any excess aggression emminating from this post it's directed at him (and FYI I had let go of the grudge until about the last day of grade eight when he wrote in my year book about what happened,and here's a hint it wasn't an apology. this time I did nothing)
-Nikki
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

Top
#195508 - 10/23/05 07:26 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
funstick5000 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 759
Loc: West Yorkshire, England
yeah i'm a beliver in taking it out early. if a bully going to give you a load of crap fopr the forseeable future just get rid of them. i know i'd snap if i took a solid day of abuse from the same person, probably would have used that punch too.

i'm not a pacifist, sometimes violence is the answer, if its the only way to insert your own dominence over someone who thinks they dominate you, but in reality doesn't unless you let them.
_________________________
Go seek the advise of a qualified instructor.

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#195509 - 10/23/05 07:55 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: funstick5000]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

yeah i'm a beliver in taking it out early. if a bully going to give you a load of crap fopr the forseeable future just get rid of them. i know i'd snap if i took a solid day of abuse from the same person, probably would have used that punch too.

i'm not a pacifist, sometimes violence is the answer, if its the only way to insert your own dominence over someone who thinks they dominate you, but in reality doesn't unless you let them.




Mahatma Gahndi drove out the most powerful government and military of the day, not by violence, but by making salt!!

*bows respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

Top
#195510 - 10/23/05 11:00 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Not everyone can be Mahatma Ghandi, nor should everyone want to be.
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195511 - 10/24/05 05:14 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Leo_E_49]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

h2whoa,
I am not a pacifist so if we aren't seeing eye to eye on this let me know. -Nikki




I dont think if we arent seeing "eye to eye" it is a problem nikki, feel free to state whatever you want to me and do not worry I will only draw you into a debate, I am not one of those who will be abusive towards you, everyone is entitled to an opinion, and to air them out.

Quote:

Not everyone can be Mahatma Ghandi, nor should everyone want to be.




True not everyone can be ghandi, but I think we should strive to follow the teachings of men like him, christ , bhudda ,martial arts were founded on religious principles, principles of love and tolerance and non violence!

*bows repectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

Top
#195512 - 10/24/05 05:33 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
funstick5000 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 07/16/05
Posts: 759
Loc: West Yorkshire, England
Quote:

True not everyone can be ghandi, but I think we should strive to follow the teachings of men like him, christ , bhudda ,martial arts were founded on religious principles, principles of love and tolerance and non violence!

*bows repectfully*




but martial arts would have been created because of violence to retaliate to it at first. the spiritual side comes later.
_________________________
Go seek the advise of a qualified instructor.

Top
#195513 - 10/24/05 07:43 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
RangerG Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 1026
Loc: Chester County, Pennsylvania
Quote:

Yes I am a pacifist, that seems to offend you. Do you travel from post to post looking to make personal comments about me. I think you need a new hobby, it is rather boring sanchin. That sort of thing should be beneath you sanchin. I choose to ignore your personal comments....




I hope that you will forgive me for interjecting an observation, and accept it in the respectful manner I intend it.

Your response appears not to embody the principles of pacifism, love and tolerance that you claim to hold so dear.

A point you may chose to reflect upon.

*Bow*
_________________________
"If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough."

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#195514 - 10/24/05 08:20 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: RangerG]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

Quote:

Yes I am a pacifist, that seems to offend you. Do you travel from post to post looking to make personal comments about me. I think you need a new hobby, it is rather boring sanchin. That sort of thing should be beneath you sanchin. I choose to ignore your personal comments....




I hope that you will forgive me for interjecting an observation, and accept it in the respectful manner I intend it.

Your response appears not to embody the principles of pacifism, love and tolerance that you claim to hold so dear.

A point you may chose to reflect upon.

*Bow*




You are right, my pacifism is directed towards physical conflict, I do hold it dear and all its teachings...I however am working on the non physical confrontation, my words may be harsher than I would normally allow, but I find snide comments from Sanchin everywhere I post... even pacifists can have bad days. I would never confront anyone physically or non physically unless provoked, never initiate only retaliate. I was just retaliating. I do however thank you for pointing it out to me, and commend you in the respectful manner in which you have done so. I will take it into consideration and will try to improve my character.

Thank You!!

*bows deeply and respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

Top
#195515 - 10/26/05 03:57 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
dude whoa,

I'm not going from post to post to attack you,but your holier than thou attitude and bowing is making me puke. Telling me what should or should not be beneath me also irritates me. I told her what and I stand by it. Maybe it others you that I stand by my convictions.? I see that you stand by your so called pacifism,but only physical,right?

*pukes irritatingly*
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195516 - 10/26/05 05:50 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

dude whoa,

I'm not going from post to post to attack you,but your holier than thou attitude and bowing is making me puke. Telling me what should or should not be beneath me also irritates me. I told her what and I stand by it. Maybe it others you that I stand by my convictions.? I see that you stand by your so called pacifism,but only physical,right?

*pukes irritatingly*




Yes only physically, Would you like to come and call me a coward outright. Sanchin you are really starting to bore me with your attitude. You do not advocate what all MA try to teach by encouraging violence (something that I think should be beneath all martial artists), but yes you stick to your Guns, I respect your opinion, just offering a different train of thought, a man should always stand by his convictions. I am not to proud to apologise for upsetting you, and I do so now. I will not however apologise for what I said or think, you will just have to understand that and deal with it as best you can. If my posts or attitude bother you, just dont read my posts or dont respond. Simple and effective way to end all this, that is what I would do (also pacifism.....no?).

*H2whoa turns and strides away from sanchin, with no further desire to engage and be bored by personal attacks *
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

Top
#195517 - 10/26/05 06:06 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: h2whoa]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Ok, I think I see where this might be going, but before you two start having a fullout name-calling war I just want to say ONE THING:

DON'T!!!!

This is MY post, and I don't want it closed like
"self esteem" was. So Sanchin (or anyone else) before you say anything clever, read this line again
Quote:

just dont read my posts or dont respond. Simple and effective way to end all this


^ h2whoa, makes sense to me.

-Nikki
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195518 - 10/26/05 06:19 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
Gentlemen,
I'm sure we can respect the young ladies wishes.

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#195519 - 10/26/05 06:41 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: oldman]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
Quote:

Gentlemen,
I'm sure we can respect the young ladies wishes.




Yes, I am willing to do so!

*bows respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

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#195520 - 10/26/05 06:46 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: oldman]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
thanks guys!
*sends virtual hug*

-Nikki
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195521 - 10/27/05 10:17 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: oldman]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Quote:

Gentlemen,
I'm sure we can respect the young ladies wishes.





Will do!
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195522 - 10/27/05 09:47 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Thank you too Sanchin *hug*

-Nikki

P.S. I'm still interested in any advice that anyone may have
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195523 - 10/28/05 12:42 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Hi Nikki,
Thanks for the hug,I need one.

As far as more advice goes I still think you did the right thing. Always stand up for yourself. If you stand around thinking about what if's pretty soon you'll be just another victim. Avoid trouble whenever possible and if there's an adult let them handle it first. Good luck in school,it can be rough.
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#195524 - 10/29/05 06:40 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: SANCHIN31]
h2whoa Offline
Member

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 427
Loc: Fiji
My final words walk away, its hard but character building. Secondly never pull a weapon without the intent to use it, if you cocked your arm, hit him hard, loosen some teeth. I mean if your going to get angry and fight do it well.
Then no one would call you she hulk, and he wouldnt still be messing with you. If someone is verbally abusive, get the police, that would stop him.
Goju Girl I pray for your peace, that you will always have the strength and courage to avoid confrontation, and if they wont let you, the madness and skill to end it quickly.

*bows respectfully*
_________________________
No matter how fashionable it is on Krypton, I will not wear my underwear on the outside of my Gi!!

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#195525 - 10/29/05 11:21 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Since you are looking for advice after all, I'll answer your questions directly to the best of my ability.

Quote:

why did I snap?




You're human, when someone does something we don't like, we get angry. Learning how to deal with anger is important, I'm glad you snapped out of it before you did anything worse than you did. You should try talking to people about what is making you angry, communication makes things better and also can provide you with solutions when you're confused.

Quote:

Was I in the right?




Right and wrong are ambiguous at best, this is something you'll have to figure out for yourself based on your principles and morals. Whether you were within your school rules and the law are far easier to discover. He was harassing you and did start poking you with a ruler. Now, technically that could be taken as assault in many countries right there. I personally think what you did was justified. One question, how many times did you express your discomfort to him and how many times did you ask him to stop?

Quote:

Any insights?




Nothing else to add really.

Quote:

My friends are too biased for me to ask.




Your friends might provide you better answers because they know you better than we do.
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195526 - 11/17/05 01:33 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
Avalon Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 50
Loc: Canada
Hi Goju-girl. I can relate to your situation; when I was in school, for most of my school years, I was also the "weird kid", funny looking with low confidence and a low understanding of social complexities. I also was poked at and called names, for several years. The worst of it started in grade five and it levelled off somewhat in grade eleven, and the self-esteem damage had been done.

Why did you snap? I don't think you really "snapped" in the true sense. If your mental state had slipped entirely you would have continued to pummel the guy long after his shirt ripped. If an adult had to endure that kind of thing at work they would have had a similar reaction, and the offender would have been disciplined, unlike in school where the administration usually ignores such things.

Yes, you did the right thing. You didn't harm the guy but you did make it very clear to him and those around him that you are not to be pushed around. You didn't return his attacks immediately which shows that you have patience, but you also have your breaking point and that is to be respected.

Fighting back, especially at your age and with your popularity issues, is more important at this point than just sitting there and taking abuse. You are reminding yourself that you count, that you are important, and that you deserve better. (Notice I said fighting BACK, not starting them!) I didn't see your "self-esteem" thread but if that is an issue for you, as it is with many junior high students, then your self-esteem will be crushed further if you allow people to abuse you. There is a certain amount of flack that you have to accept from people; folks of all ages have to tolerate certain situations where they would rather fight. But, it sounds like you're doing that already.

In my school years I almost never fought back and I can tell you, that didn't do me any good. The reason I just sat and took it was because I came from a very violent home and my experience with violence was that others who were bigger and stronger would escalate it until the weapons came out. Nothing was ever settled with a scrap. It was a fight to the death (or 'til the cops came!). So, I didn't want this sort of thing happening at school either.

Fast forward 25 years to where I am at now, at the age of 37: My self-esteem is now quite high and I think very highly of my personality and how I turned out. The rejection in school helped me to forge my own path, define my own identity, and follow my own voice. For the most part I am right where I want to be, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. That seems somewhat rare for people my age; so many people in my peer group are struggling for self-definition and meaning. The people who I call friends are first-rate awesome people, open and caring and level-headed, I am a great mom and a valued employee. (I work now with troubled youth in group homes and independent settings, and am able to handle their crises very well thanks to my experiences in youth!)

You'll get there as well. I actually am surprised at your age; from your well-composed posts throughout the forum I thought you were older. Remember this: If you don't fit into the mainstream now, you probably never will. Rejoice in this. Walk your path one step at a time, enjoy your MA training, stay away from drugs and alcohol (I cannot stress that one enough!!), don't be afraid to be alone, and remember that you have a place on this earth. You'll find your "tribe" once you really have a sense of who you are, and you'll love it.

A.

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#195527 - 11/17/05 03:52 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: Avalon]
chickenchaser Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/05
Posts: 204
Loc: Auburn,New York,U.S.A.
i think you did the right thing.i mean you took the "crap" until you couldn't take anymore,you showed him up and that was it you didn't do anything to harm him physically and that shows maturity beyond your age.i am glad that you kept a bit of level headedness because you showed him that you could be like him but that you also chose not to and to me this is a good thing.i say we need more people like you roaming arround this world nikita!!!
_________________________
"The early bird gets the worm, but the bird in a hurry only gets half of one." --- Sensei Corey

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#195528 - 11/17/05 05:37 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: chickenchaser]
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Avalon and chickenchaser,

Thank you both for your posts, yeah things are much different now in highschool (for now) and I'm still considered a little weird (dyed red hair, vegitarian, martial artist, can actually understand Shakespear, ect.) but there are so many OTHER weird people surrounding me, no one seems to care much

Quote:

The reason I just sat and took it was because I came from a very violent home and my experience with violence was that others who were bigger and stronger would escalate it until the weapons came out. Nothing was ever settled with a scrap. It was a fight to the death (or 'til the cops came!). So, I didn't want this sort of thing happening at school either.




I'm really sorry to hear that you had to grow up with this kind of thing in your life , although as you said you turned out fine, and it gave you the experience to help others, and that's a good thing .

Quote:

You'll get there as well. I actually am surprised at your age; from your well-composed posts throughout the forum I thought you were older



Quote:

that shows maturity beyond your age



I get that ALOT even when people see me face to face they think I'm 17+ but thank you all the same as far as actual maturity goes... well... I'll get back to you guys on that

Thank you both for your thoughts (haha and I thought this thread was dead ) Well anyways thank you, your posts made my day a little better, and made me smile <- see? Well anyways thanks and ttyl

-Nikita
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195529 - 11/18/05 01:12 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
chickenchaser Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/05
Posts: 204
Loc: Auburn,New York,U.S.A.
you ever stop and think that you are the normal one and the other people are the weird ones.....???
_________________________
"The early bird gets the worm, but the bird in a hurry only gets half of one." --- Sensei Corey

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#195530 - 11/18/05 12:09 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: goju_girl]
traq Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/05
Posts: 131
Loc: SoCal
you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?

Anyhow, your response in this situation was not inappropriate. There is a difference between "being the bigger person" and "sitting there and taking it" - you cannot allow someone to continue bullying you. It shows a lack of respect for yourself, and that's what encourages further disrespect from the bully. I also believe that you were right in deciding not to hit him -and whether you "wound up" or not, the right decision is always better late than never.

I can see that you've worked through all this, but for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situatuion, keep in mind that what you did was not successful because it was violent: it was successful because you showed that you were not willing to be a victim. It is very easy to misinterpret violence as a "solution" in situations like these. If you had allowed yourself to slug the next bully that came along, you would have soon been the bully yourself. especially when you're young, don't rely too much on your ability to make a "measured response." Even adults get carried away with this.
_________________________
Adrian USKO Riverside dojo/ Madison Elem. after-school

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#195531 - 11/18/05 02:05 PM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: traq]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
Quote:

you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?




I reckon it's better to call him witty. If only because I like his sense of humour and irony. But that's a topic for another forum...
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#195532 - 11/30/05 09:20 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: traq]
F4H Offline
Newbie

Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Alexandria VA
Quote:

you understand Shakespear, huh? something of a pervert, isn't he?






LOL!!
_________________________
Keep Training

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#195533 - 12/10/05 12:10 PM Post deleted by oldman [Re: goju_girl]
Anonymous
Unregistered



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#195534 - 12/10/05 12:21 PM Post deleted by oldman [Re: h2whoa]
Anonymous
Unregistered



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#195535 - 12/10/05 12:26 PM Re: "The She Hulk"
MattJ Offline
Free Rhinoplasty!
Prolific

Registered: 11/25/04
Posts: 15634
Loc: York PA. USA
Happeh -

Ok, now the conspiracy theories start. Passive non-resistance IS a viable tool to effect change in government. The Civil Rights struggle in the USA is a prime example - look at Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King.

I'd say they were quite effective.
_________________________
"In case you ever wondered what it's like to be knocked out, it's like waking up from a nightmare only to discover it wasn't a dream." -Forrest Griffin

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#195536 - 12/10/05 12:29 PM Re: "The She Hulk"
goju_girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 101
Loc: Canada eh!
Quote:

Insights? Did he have a crush on you?




I know for an absolute fact that that was NOT the case. is there a way to delete this thread possibly?

-Nikita
_________________________
New hieghts are achieved once you have the courage to leave the ground

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#195537 - 12/12/05 12:07 AM Re: "The She Hulk"
BrianS Offline
Higher rank than you
Professional Poster

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 5959
Loc: Northwest Arkansas
How did we go from a silly mishap at school to the Iraq war,ghandi,and conspiracy theories?
_________________________
The2nd ammendment, it makes all the others possible. <///<




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#195538 - 12/12/05 01:46 AM Re: "The She Hulk" [Re: BrianS]
ButterflyPalm Offline
Enigma

Registered: 08/26/04
Posts: 2637
Loc: Malaysia
Quote:

How did we go from a silly mishap at school to the Iraq war,ghandi,and conspiracy theories?





Pacifist Mods?
_________________________
I'll rather be happy than right, anytime.

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