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#173159 - 08/02/05 05:35 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
aikidox Offline
Newbie

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 6
Loc: California, USA
Golden Dragon -
Sorry this is lengthy. Your friend is very lucky that you didn't reciprocate his escalating behavior back at him. Just from your writing I am impressed that you not only pushed him away while giving him an "out" but you also withstood his insults as you walked away knowing that you could have physically made him stop. However, I have to say that you could have been more forceful in your demand to ask him to stop... or else told him that he was too good for you to beat and thus diffuse his attack. Remember knowing when to fight is just as important as the fight itself. That said... I am curious if this "friend" is able to realize your friendship?!? Is he worth "mending a broken fence"? If he is worth having as a friend then in another post I could suggest some ways to try and recover your friendship. Good friends are rare commodities and you sound like you can be a true friend to this guy. In addition you will probably miss the ability to call upon him if you ever need his help. Yet, if he is not the type that will stop the name calling and cheapshots then stay away from him but keep a watchful eye whenever you catch wind of him. Many guys don't like to look bad in front of other people and they'll try to get even. I knew a young man that acted like this and I had to watch my back everytime I went out to play football or baseball in our neighborhood. I tried many times to tell him that I didn't want to fight and wanted him as my friend (the guy lived right next door to me). Things would be good for a few weeks but later on it was right back to the same pi$$poor behavior. I was in many fights with him but they were on fair terms not on an uneven or cheapshot basis like he would have liked.

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#173160 - 08/03/05 10:08 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: aikidox]
glad2bhere Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 08/11/00
Posts: 663
Loc: Lindenhurst, Illinois USA
This sort of behaior is not limited to the younger set, either. A long time ago I stopped bringing up both my Hapkido and my Buddhism in mixed company until I was sure of the "safety" of the group. What I found was that without being careful, it was simply too easy for people to use my interests as a point of contention by which they wanted to make some kind of point. This took some getting used to as my "self-talk" would rebell and want to know why "I" had to hide myself like that. The fact is that like anything in our lives what we do, what we own, what we believe are parts of who we are. These need to be protected from abuse.

Sorry to hear that things went as far as they did. My guess is that you might have been able to cut things off sooner but then I wasn't there so I could be wrong. had something really gotten out of hand you behavior would have stood as representative for your school and your teacher. That was an awful lot to risk for not backing off soonr, yes? FWIW.

Best Wishes,

Bruce

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#173161 - 08/04/05 05:26 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: glad2bhere]
hugo Offline
Elvis Sharkey

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 134
Loc: I am not going to specify that...
I think you did the right thing. I'm more aggresive and yet I restrain myself. I say if he does it one more time I'll beat him to a pulp and yet all I do is smack his head into a wall and throw him onto the ground. Or less.
_________________________
I'm starting afresh.

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#173162 - 08/07/05 05:18 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
AttorneyJohn Offline
Newbie

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 14
Loc: Houston Texas
I'd say you did exactly what was called for, and didn't escalate what you initially thought was playful into something else. It's pretty obvious, probably to the other guy as well, that you could hav ehandled him with little difficulty. However, not taking it over that line, and hurting him to make him stop being an ass would have ended up with serious complications. Doctor, or hospital, for him. Maybe the officers or jail for you. None of these things are good things.

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#173163 - 08/09/05 06:17 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Kaver Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/05
Posts: 25
Hey No you did really well. I guess I'm lucky my friends don't bother me with that nonsense. If your "friend" decides to give you an apology (you never he might realize that he did wrong) I would accept the apology (be the bigger man) but I wouldn't forget what he did (assuming it is a he), and if he is stupid enough to repeat I say give him lesson in the school of hard knocks but not too hard just hard enough so that he remembers it.
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