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#173149 - 07/30/05 04:08 AM A friendship destroyed
goldendragon88 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 06/09/05
Posts: 7
A few months ago, I was walking home from my dojo, when I decided to stop by a friend of mine's house, since he lives nearby. When I arrived, he was standing on the sidewalk talking to another friend of our's who wassitting on the porch. We started talking as usual, nothing out of the ordinary, but then he saw my bag and the subject of Karate was brought up. His only training was a few boxing lessons and he isn't very fast, but he seems to think he's untouchable. After a few moments, he started throwing some seemingly playful punches which I just blocked and dodged. He never did anything like that before, so I just wrote it off as him being his usual arrogant self. However, the more I blocked, the more aggressive he became. He came to a point where I had to do something to stop him, so I threw out a back hand, stopping a few inches from his face. With that, he started swinging at me with all of his power, so I blocked a few times and locked his left arm up. After a few seconds, I pushed him away to avoid him throwing a cheap shot. After that, he called me a few names and I just went home and he hasn't spoken to me since. How would you have handled a situation like that? Is there another way?
_________________________
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

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#173150 - 07/30/05 05:03 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
No, you did the right thing. He was being an idiot. If someone can get all fired up like that over nothing and start lashing out at you, what kind of a friend are they?
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#173151 - 07/30/05 05:33 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Paulol Offline
Member

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 112
you had to protect yourself. from what i can see by this, your friend is a plonker and has issues!!

this kinda thing has happened to me and i'm sure it has happened many more. he's lucky your such a nice person

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#173152 - 07/30/05 10:45 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Intrepidinv1 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 308
Loc: NC, USA
You didn't say how long you guys have been friends so I'm left to wonder how well you knew him. Was there a woman or someone around that he was trying to impress? Sounds like he takes it as a challenge that you're involved in the martial arts. If he's a long time friend you might want to suit up and do some backyard sparring to get it out of his system. I would have some real concerns about a friend that would start throwing real punches at me without provocation. Strange situation, you handled it well.

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#173153 - 07/30/05 11:38 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: Intrepidinv1]
CatnPhx Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 136
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
Sounds like you handled it pretty well but did you actually tell him "No, don't do that?" ... Anyway, your friend sounds little jerky. His pride was hurt big time. He'll either come around or not but I wouldn't worry about it. Move on is my advice.

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#173154 - 07/31/05 05:35 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Boomer Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/04
Posts: 304
Loc: York, Pa
I think you did well. I would offer a bit of advice that's worked for me... offer your "friend" and out, and if possible, stroke his ego a bit.
I had a similar situation, where a friend of a friend did the same sort of thing, and it continued to escalate in the same fashion as you described. Finally, when I realized that it would be a problem if it continued, I stepped in as he punched and locked him up tight. I know he was in a bit of pain, and his face told me that he knew he was in too deep. I said "Holy crap you're fast! I'm glad you're not my enemy!" That quickly smoothed things over and sufficiently massaged his ego enough to allow the "fight" to be over.
_________________________
Calling yourself "Master" implies that you have slaves.

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#173155 - 07/31/05 07:32 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: Boomer]
Intrepidinv1 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 308
Loc: NC, USA
Very admirable, real character.

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#173156 - 08/01/05 12:08 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: Boomer]
ButterflyPalm Offline
Enigma

Registered: 08/26/04
Posts: 2637
Loc: Malaysia


You people are all saints.

Decades ago, I sent a "friend" crying back to his mummy. Needless to say, I haven't seen him for decades.
_________________________
I'll rather be happy than right, anytime.

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#173157 - 08/01/05 12:33 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: ButterflyPalm]
Boomer Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/04
Posts: 304
Loc: York, Pa
Quote:

You people are all saints.

Decades ago, I sent a "friend" crying back to his mummy. Needless to say, I haven't seen him for decades.




St.Boomer the Merciful....I like it
However...it's only one time that I did do the right thing for all the times I messed up. I remember something an army chaplian told me once:
"All saints have a past, and all sinners, a future."
_________________________
Calling yourself "Master" implies that you have slaves.

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#173158 - 08/01/05 05:08 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: Boomer]
ButterflyPalm Offline
Enigma

Registered: 08/26/04
Posts: 2637
Loc: Malaysia


I knew you'll understand -- Whewwwww; I feel a lot better now; it has been weighing on me for decades.

Nothing like confessing to a real live Saint.
_________________________
I'll rather be happy than right, anytime.

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#173159 - 08/02/05 05:35 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
aikidox Offline
Newbie

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 6
Loc: California, USA
Golden Dragon -
Sorry this is lengthy. Your friend is very lucky that you didn't reciprocate his escalating behavior back at him. Just from your writing I am impressed that you not only pushed him away while giving him an "out" but you also withstood his insults as you walked away knowing that you could have physically made him stop. However, I have to say that you could have been more forceful in your demand to ask him to stop... or else told him that he was too good for you to beat and thus diffuse his attack. Remember knowing when to fight is just as important as the fight itself. That said... I am curious if this "friend" is able to realize your friendship?!? Is he worth "mending a broken fence"? If he is worth having as a friend then in another post I could suggest some ways to try and recover your friendship. Good friends are rare commodities and you sound like you can be a true friend to this guy. In addition you will probably miss the ability to call upon him if you ever need his help. Yet, if he is not the type that will stop the name calling and cheapshots then stay away from him but keep a watchful eye whenever you catch wind of him. Many guys don't like to look bad in front of other people and they'll try to get even. I knew a young man that acted like this and I had to watch my back everytime I went out to play football or baseball in our neighborhood. I tried many times to tell him that I didn't want to fight and wanted him as my friend (the guy lived right next door to me). Things would be good for a few weeks but later on it was right back to the same pi$$poor behavior. I was in many fights with him but they were on fair terms not on an uneven or cheapshot basis like he would have liked.

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#173160 - 08/03/05 10:08 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: aikidox]
glad2bhere Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 08/11/00
Posts: 663
Loc: Lindenhurst, Illinois USA
This sort of behaior is not limited to the younger set, either. A long time ago I stopped bringing up both my Hapkido and my Buddhism in mixed company until I was sure of the "safety" of the group. What I found was that without being careful, it was simply too easy for people to use my interests as a point of contention by which they wanted to make some kind of point. This took some getting used to as my "self-talk" would rebell and want to know why "I" had to hide myself like that. The fact is that like anything in our lives what we do, what we own, what we believe are parts of who we are. These need to be protected from abuse.

Sorry to hear that things went as far as they did. My guess is that you might have been able to cut things off sooner but then I wasn't there so I could be wrong. had something really gotten out of hand you behavior would have stood as representative for your school and your teacher. That was an awful lot to risk for not backing off soonr, yes? FWIW.

Best Wishes,

Bruce

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#173161 - 08/04/05 05:26 AM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: glad2bhere]
hugo Offline
Elvis Sharkey

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 134
Loc: I am not going to specify that...
I think you did the right thing. I'm more aggresive and yet I restrain myself. I say if he does it one more time I'll beat him to a pulp and yet all I do is smack his head into a wall and throw him onto the ground. Or less.
_________________________
I'm starting afresh.

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#173162 - 08/07/05 05:18 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
AttorneyJohn Offline
Newbie

Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 14
Loc: Houston Texas
I'd say you did exactly what was called for, and didn't escalate what you initially thought was playful into something else. It's pretty obvious, probably to the other guy as well, that you could hav ehandled him with little difficulty. However, not taking it over that line, and hurting him to make him stop being an ass would have ended up with serious complications. Doctor, or hospital, for him. Maybe the officers or jail for you. None of these things are good things.

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#173163 - 08/09/05 06:17 PM Re: A friendship destroyed [Re: goldendragon88]
Kaver Offline
Member

Registered: 07/27/05
Posts: 25
Hey No you did really well. I guess I'm lucky my friends don't bother me with that nonsense. If your "friend" decides to give you an apology (you never he might realize that he did wrong) I would accept the apology (be the bigger man) but I wouldn't forget what he did (assuming it is a he), and if he is stupid enough to repeat I say give him lesson in the school of hard knocks but not too hard just hard enough so that he remembers it.
_________________________
Make your training as you would have it in the real world

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