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#152760 - 06/05/05 04:10 PM Dealing with instructor with a crush
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
I don't know how to deal with a married instructor who obviously has a crush on me. I don't care as long as he leaves me alone, and doesn't treat me any other than the rest. But well..he doesn't. In addition to staring and trying to get eye contact constantly, it is like he is knitting this little web of different tasks so I sort of have to deal with him a lot. I like the dojo and I'm interested in helping out...but without a married guy as a tail. Any advice on how to get out the situation without making trouble?

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#152761 - 06/05/05 04:27 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
I would leave and check into another school asap!
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#152762 - 06/05/05 04:54 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: SANCHIN31]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
There are no other schools in the area.

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#152763 - 06/05/05 04:58 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
If he is not the head instructor go to the head instructor and tell him/her what's going on. If he is tell him that you can't possibly learn what you're paying for and don't appreciate the uncomfortableness,but I don't think either of these will really fix the problem.You need to leave.
Where do you live where one school is the only school?
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#152764 - 06/05/05 09:22 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Victor Smith Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 06/01/00
Posts: 3219
Loc: Derry, NH
Newbie,

The only sane answer is to leave and find something else of interest to spend your time.

I have seen nothing but trouble when instructors intermix with students. It's an example of an instructor who was very poorly taught and doesn't understand and accept that their role must involve the highest level of respect for the student.

That the instructor is making you uncomfortable is a sure sign of trouble to come.

But the 'industry' of karate is unregulated, and no professional conduct ethics exist.

Instead any amateur can have a school.

A dojo might be fun, but you've described the makings of a disaster and that you cannot ignore.

Please consider your options very carefully,
_________________________
victor smith bushi no te isshinryu offering free instruction for 30 years

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#152765 - 06/05/05 09:40 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
eyrie Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 3106
Loc: QLD, Australia
Whilst I do not deny that predatory sexual behaviour does not occur in the MA, perhaps, you're reading too much into it. There is nothing wrong with maintaining eye contact or staring. There is also nothing wrong with engaging a person on a personal level.

However, when the behaviour becomes overtly casual, with sexual connotations (e.g. inappropriate touching, brushing up, leaning over, lewd remarks or gestures, etc.) then you have a problem.

In any case, you need to establish what your personal and spatial boundaries are and learn to control your own space. i.e. develop your spatial awareness skills, change your posture, speak loudly and clearly, step away and maintain your distance, tell him if he is invading your space, etc. etc. etc.

Learn to recognize the signs, when the line is about to be crossed, and learn how to respond. My advise would be to see a qualified counselor in your area.

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#152766 - 06/05/05 11:30 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: eyrie]
Bushi_no_ki Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1667
Loc: POM, Monterey CA
You're pretty much stuck with two options. Leave the school, or talk to the head instructor, whoever that may be. If he weren't married, there might be less of a problem here, if you were more comfortable with the situation, but in this matter, he's showing a lack of moral judgement. I would suggest you try and see if there is anything within a reasonable distance if you can't work things out where you are.

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#152767 - 06/05/05 11:51 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
oldman Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 5884
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Trust your gut.

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#152768 - 06/06/05 01:18 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: oldman]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
Thanks for the support! The instructor is the head instructor. Btw. it is not karate, this is a sensible forum so I decided to ask here anyway. (I practice karate as well in another club). Eyrie: Thanks for mentioning the boundaries. There have been some situations where I've should have been clearer towards him, instead of polite despite of feeling uneasy. I'm thinking of resigning all my administrative tasks and staying out of the social happenings, so there is less contact with him. I'm not very good with giving guys "a talk", unfortunately.

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#152769 - 06/06/05 03:34 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
eyrie Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 3106
Loc: QLD, Australia
You're welcome. BTW, all the stuff I mentioned b4, *is* self-defence".

Avoidance can be useful, but it does not address the problem long term. Being aggressive is one thing, being assertive is quite another. Perhaps your assertiveness needs to come forward a bit more so you can give guys "the talk".

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#152770 - 06/06/05 03:37 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: eyrie]
Bushi_no_ki Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1667
Loc: POM, Monterey CA
I agree. You might actually see if there is a counselor in your area that helps women with such a problem. There was one in my area, she mostly handled rape victims, but she also did sessions on "dealing with unwanted attentions". She focused on positive ways to deal with such problems, especially when such attention came from married men.

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#152771 - 06/06/05 09:39 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Bushi_no_ki]
MAGr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 1147
Loc: London, home: Athens
I think the best way is to make up a story instead of confronting him so that you dont create awkwardness.
E.g.:
"I have met this guy who is married and he is coming on to me, that is sooo disgusting, dont you think teacher? I mean I would NEVER do anything with a married man, and i cant believe he would even consider hitting on me!, what do you think, you are married.... I KNOW you would never cheat on your wife she is such a lovely woman!" etc etc.....

I think that would work quite well!

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#152772 - 06/06/05 10:00 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: eyrie]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
I think that resigning extra duties, and highlighting that you want the interaction to be limited to a basic money for teaching XXX hrs/week is a good thing for you.

I would suggest that you really look at why you resist the idea of leaving the dojo.

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#152773 - 06/06/05 12:16 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
JohnL Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 4309
Loc: NY, NY, USA
Hi Restless

Don't make up stories, don't make up excuses, just say it the way it is. You have to make a decision though as to wether you want to continue training at your existing place or not.

If you want to stay - Go and talk to him. Tell him that you think he's hitting on you and it's not welcome. Tell him that his wife would think it unwelcome as well. Stop doing "additional" duties. They're not required. See if his behavior changes.

If you want to leave - Go tell him why you're leaving and then do it.

You say that it's obvious that he has a crush on you. It may be obvious to you but not to him. He may not have a crush on you and is simply being nice.
_________________________
John L

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#152774 - 06/06/05 12:30 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: JohnL]
MAGr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 1147
Loc: London, home: Athens
I m sorry but i refuse to give a serious answer to your question.

Your instructor has a crush on you?, then ask advice from an agony aunt, or your friends!

This is not really the topic in my opinion, even for the teaching/learning forum

Anyway it takes two to tango!

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#152775 - 06/06/05 03:25 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: MAGr]
Galen Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/04
Posts: 381
Quote:

I m sorry but i refuse to give a serious answer to your question.

Your instructor has a crush on you?, then ask advice from an agony aunt, or your friends!

This is not really the topic in my opinion, even for the teaching/learning forum

Anyway it takes two to tango!




Spoken like a true insensitive clod.

Well done. You have just set the concept of male sensitivity back 100 years.

What might not appear to be a problem to you, can be a VERY serious problem to someone else. Its hard to imagine the closed mindedness required to make a post like yours!

Amazing!

Your reponse was not only insulting, but far more pointless than you accuse the original post of being.

I know from experience how difficult this situation can be. I knew a girl at the club where I went up through the ranks who had to suffer because our Head Instructor was married and hitting on her.

To the original poster, JohnL hit it on the head. Be upright and honest. It can only serve the situation well.

Galen
_________________________
Nothing imperfect is the measure of anything!

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#152776 - 06/06/05 03:36 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
BuDoc Offline
The doctor will see you now

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1067
Loc: USA and Abroad
JohnL has given the best response here. This all comes down to personal human weakness. His and yours.

You are paying for a service. You know you would not tolerate this from your doctor, auto mechanic, grocery clerk, etc. You would take your business elsewhere.

If you are paying to be uncomfortable, nothing we can say can help you. If you have misunderstood, clear it up.

If you are correct, it is incumbent upon you to not only get yourself out of the situation, but make it known to others so that he can not do it again.
_________________________
Medical Advisor for the Somolian National Sumo Team

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#152777 - 06/06/05 05:27 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: BuDoc]
Ryushosen Offline
Newbie

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 13
You know, you could always talk to his wife about it.

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#152778 - 06/06/05 05:29 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: BuDoc]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
Except the "tango" comment (I'm not much of a dancer anyway), thanks again for the advice.

If I decide to have "the talk" with him, I would say something about his position as a role model, since he prides that at least on some level. That will probably have a stronger effect than me just being personally upset.

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#152779 - 06/06/05 05:38 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Ryushosen]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
Quote:

You know, you could always talk to his wife about it.


Yes I can. She shows up at competitions..imagine the drama!

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#152780 - 06/06/05 06:46 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Bushi_no_ki Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1667
Loc: POM, Monterey CA
I would advise not talking to his wife unless absolutely necessary. The drama is likely to interfere with the running of the dojo.

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#152781 - 06/06/05 09:14 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
awais786 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 79
Loc: ONT. CANADA
Quote:

Quote:

You know, you could always talk to his wife about it.


Yes I can. She shows up at competitions..imagine the drama!



i would nt do that because as said above,what might seem like a crush to you will be something else for your master,if you go tell his wife whlie your master wasnt looking at you in a dirty way,you will create problems betwwen the master and his wife which could lead to a divorce,so my suggestion would be to tell him first either by a story or just say what you feel

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#152782 - 06/07/05 03:20 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: awais786]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
Telling his wife was a joke. The wife will find out about his ways with other women without my help.

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#152783 - 06/07/05 03:32 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Please let us know what you do and how this turns out.
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#152784 - 06/07/05 05:11 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Bushi_no_ki Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/03/05
Posts: 1667
Loc: POM, Monterey CA
He's done this before?
Maybe you should refer his wife to a good divorce lawyer if this is the case.

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#152785 - 06/07/05 06:47 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Your problem is your business. His problem is his business. It is healthier all around to simply stay out of the way...as no one is going to thank you for unhappy news.

Quote:

Telling his wife was a joke. The wife will find out about his ways with other women without my help.



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#152786 - 06/07/05 06:54 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
MAGr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 1147
Loc: London, home: Athens
Quote:

Your problem is your business. His problem is his business.




BINGO!

Someone before said i m an insensitive clod and i have set bacjk male sensitivity for 100 years!

well maybe i have but in any case, how old are you?
If you are under 18 then i think it is a problem that should be adressed to your parents.
If you are over 18 do you expect me to believe that you cant handle a guy hitting on you?
Just tell him for gods sake! Didnt your friends give you the same advice?


Edited by MAGr (06/07/05 07:02 AM)

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#152787 - 06/07/05 09:46 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: MAGr]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
Bushi_no_ki: Not that I know of. But if a married man want to cross that line, he is just waiting for the opportunity. IMO.

I'm well over 18. But I have to disagree with you. Dealing with someone in a power position is not quite the same as dealing with other guys. You have to be smart and tactic.

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#152788 - 06/07/05 12:16 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Why do you give someone power over you? Be honest with yourself...no need to respond in this forum.


Edited by harlan (06/07/05 12:17 PM)

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#152789 - 06/07/05 01:55 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Kintama Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 2724
Loc: Massachusetts
everyone has avoided the begging question that is not very p.c. but needs to be asked (although Harlan hinted to it)

"Is she cute?"

Do you hesitate because you are attracted to her? or because there really isn't any other place to train?

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#152790 - 06/07/05 02:19 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Kintama]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
I'm a she. And there really is no other place to train this art. And I like it a lot, it suits me.

Yes, he is hot, but the instructor assistant is super hot.

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#152791 - 06/07/05 03:06 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Well, 'restless'...aren't they all hot? Those wonderful hunky, buff karate dudes that...POP!

You have yet to mention the art that is so important to you.


Edited by harlan (06/07/05 03:31 PM)

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#152792 - 06/07/05 03:41 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
No, they aren't.

It is a weapons art.

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#152793 - 06/07/05 03:55 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Yes? So...you study a rare Koryu with only a few select people? Doesn't sound like it...they way you hint that there are other students. Why don't you change arts? What are your reasons for not doing so?

I study Matayoshi Kobudo, and if I am lucky, get a little Goju in before class is over. I wanted Jodo...emailed Japan, got referred to the USA, to NYC, to Cambridge, tracked down another in my actual town...only to find after all that effort that instruction was impossible for me to get to. Word of mouth, and I luck into someone who teaches weapons, privately...and for free.

If you aren't 'free' to leave, you will never wield a weapon seriously.


Edited by harlan (06/07/05 04:54 PM)

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#152794 - 06/08/05 03:51 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
You just have to believe me (or not) when I say that there is no alternative in my town.

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#152795 - 06/08/05 03:55 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Quote:

You just have to believe me (or not) when I say that there is no alternative in my town.




Then stay there and deal with your problem. What do you want from us?
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#152796 - 06/08/05 04:11 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: SANCHIN31]
Cobra_nVidia Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11
I would deal with the "extra tasks" as opposed to the "Eye contact" as, unfortunately, people looking at you isn't an arrestable offense.

Seriously, if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do the tasks. I would avoid "the talk" as that is likely to get you thrown out, even regardless of whether or not he ACTUALLY has a crush on you.

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#152797 - 06/08/05 05:26 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Cobra_nVidia]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
I've decided to drop the administrative tasks..taking them on in the first place was a bad decision since I didn't follow my gut feeling about it.

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#152798 - 06/08/05 06:49 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Kintama Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 2724
Loc: Massachusetts
Quote:

I'm a she. And there really is no other place to train this art. And I like it a lot, it suits me.

Yes, he is hot, but the instructor assistant is super hot.




whoops. lol...It may have helped if I had actually read the thread. sorry about that.

ok. I've read the thread now. The best questions have been asked without a response.
Stay and screw a married guy or leave and train solo. hmmm...I'll take the solo training. lol

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#152799 - 06/08/05 11:15 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Kintama]
Circle_of_Owls Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 44
Loc: Austin, Tx, USA
Restless, there is a fine line between making a point, and making an enemy. Others have suggested that you come straight to the point with your instructor. IMO this may be too much. Your instructor will be embarressed (he should be embarressed), and offended by this, and may turn hostile towards you. You've made it clear that you desire to continue instruction there, so I'd make more subtle suggestions to begin with. You can always have "the talk" at a later date, if his behavior continues. Maintain your space as eyrie suggested, reduce your eye contact with him. If you have a opportunity to face different portions of the dojo, make sure you face away from him. He has fogotten his place, your unfortunate job is to remind him of his professional duty and his duty towards his wife. Try to maintain very formal interactions with him. Don't try to be nice, too many clueless guys think that this means "yes". If he trys to start personal conversations, ask about his family, "how is your wife?", etc., this will let him know that you are very aware of his married status, and that he should be too. You may be able to mention it to the assistant instructor, a simple comment from them to the instructor like "why are you always drooling over Restless during class?" would likely remind him that his behavior is unprofessional. Mention a boyfriend (real or not) where the instructor can overhear. Show off a new piece of jewelry from a boyfriend to someone before or after class, where he is likely to see. Show him that your attention is directed elsewhere.

If the guy has half a brain, and any morals at all, he should backdown, without hurting your instructor-student relationship.

Good luck. - CoO
_________________________
Dignity does not come in possessing honors, but in deserving them. - Aristotle

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#152800 - 06/09/05 01:17 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
BulldogTKD Offline
Member

Registered: 05/11/05
Posts: 294
I agree with Circle of Owls. This situation can be touchy. Unfortunately I know all to well this situation. We have an instructor trainee who is unmarried but thinks that more then a few females in our class have the hots for him and it just so happens that I have a meeting with our head instructor today to discuss this problem. Good luck and I am sorry that you have to go through something like this.

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#152801 - 06/10/05 04:28 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: BulldogTKD]
sunspots Offline
oldtimer/newbie
Enthusiast

Registered: 05/02/03
Posts: 650
Loc: Southern Oregon, USA
I also second Circle of Owls. Maintaining a very "professional" relationship with this instructor, and politely but firmly letting him know that any other sort of attention is unwanted should help.
_________________________
"Anything unattempted remains impossible."

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#152802 - 06/21/05 01:41 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: sunspots]
Mich Offline
Newbie

Registered: 06/20/05
Posts: 23
Loc: Washington
I also agree with Circle of Owls. There are ways you can get your point across discreetly but successfully. Some options: Have a male buddy pick you up after class a couple times and have him show up a few minutes before class is over to wait for you. Or, if the instructor starts up a conversation after class, suddenly realize your late for your date, and that your boyfriend will be upset. Let him overhear you and a classmate talk about how you dumped a jerk that you found out was married. Asking about the wife is also great 'redirecting'. The key is to let him know that you're not available to him, and there's many ways to do it without yelling 'back off'. :-)

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#152803 - 06/22/05 09:07 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Mich]
Leo_E_49 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 4117
Loc: California
I understand that this is a perplexing subject for you and you're perfectly correct about this guy being unprofessional. In your place I'd feel uncomfortable too.

That said, my advice would be leave the Dojo. No amount of good teaching is worth the hassle that personal problems in the Dojo can bring. I strictly follow the rule of keeping personal matters outside of the Dojo. (Even though I'm single and train with plenty of attractive women) The reason is that it degrades the standard of teaching not only for yourself but also for the other people in the class. In which case, the teaching is most likely not going to be very good anyway.

I know you shouldn't have to temporarily stop an MA because of someone else but this isn't a perfect world and these things happen whether we like it or not. You'll likely have the chance to study the MA again in the future or you may even find another weapon MA that better suits your taste.

Of course, it's up to you and if you don't really want to solve the problem (i.e. leave the Dojo), make sure you inform everyone here so we don't all fret over your plight.


Edited by Leo_E_49 (06/22/05 09:10 AM)
_________________________
Self Defense
(Website by Marc MacYoung, not me)

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#152804 - 06/22/05 03:42 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Leo_E_49]
Mich Offline
Newbie

Registered: 06/20/05
Posts: 23
Loc: Washington
Leo--I have to disagree on that.

Your logic says that when a woman is pressured or harrassed by a married man, she is the one that needs to back away and give up. Notice any problems with that?

If Restless wants to train, she should have the option to train as long as she's willing to get her point across. By all means, she should not go along with him or do anything to encourage him, and make it clear that she's not interested or available. But why should she have to leave just because the instructor is overstepping his boundaries?

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#152805 - 06/22/05 03:57 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Mich]
Mich Offline
Newbie

Registered: 06/20/05
Posts: 23
Loc: Washington
Restless,

Another idea--

If the class is a self defense class, you can 'innocently' ask your instructor about verbal defense, and how to deal with unwanted attention. That should get the point across pretty well. ;-)

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#152806 - 06/22/05 04:25 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Mich]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Gag. This thread is 'restless'. Nothing personal Mich...but if this 'restless' never comes back and decently puts this thread to rest...I am going to have to think of something devious to kill it.

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#152807 - 06/22/05 07:31 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
MAGr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 1147
Loc: London, home: Athens
let me help you Harlan....

Let it go people, this thread about some girl and her instructor having a crush, has received more attention then threads like, "I am dying, what can I do?"

I m sure that she can handle herself, and if a married guy is willing to cheat for her, it is also safe to assume that she is also presentable and therefore has friends to help her with her personal life.

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#152808 - 06/24/05 03:20 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
still wadowoman Offline
Improved beefier techno-prat

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 3420
Loc: Residence:UK- Heart:Md, USA
Unless this instructor has behaved improperly towards you I don't see a problem.

The only things you have mentioned is lots of eye contact and getting you to do admin tasks. Don't do the admin tasks if you don't want to. Eye contact won't kill you.

People have crushes on other people all the time. Unless there is inappropriate comments or touching, I don't see the big deal.
Sharon
_________________________
Anyone mind if I sit down?

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#152809 - 07/18/05 03:17 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Intrepidinv1 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/20/05
Posts: 308
Loc: NC, USA
I think there has been some good advice on here. I going to give you some advice as a guy that may have acted like this in the past (please forgive me.) I was always sensitive to the messages sent by the other person. A few cold shoulders, no extra conversation, no extended eye contact, etc. Make sure he knows you are NOT interested. If this does not work then slowly progress to the other comments that might shame him a little. Comments about his wife, your boyfriend, if he's older make a little joke about his age (ego thing), etc. If he doesn't get the message early on then you could confront him and say, look I'm flattered but I'm not interested, I'm here only to take martial arts. If you bring in others and he still doesn't give up then I think you will probably have to find another school. Most guys that have any sense no when to give up. I've been on the wrong side of this myself but I know when to stop, if he doesn't then he has a real problem.

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#152810 - 07/19/05 05:57 AM Re: lock it please [Re: Intrepidinv1]
MAGr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/11/05
Posts: 1147
Loc: London, home: Athens
someone please lock this lonely-hearts/ agony-aunt thread! It is now safe to say that people over the age of 18 are old enough to deal with their own relation problems.

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#152811 - 12/02/05 11:05 AM Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Ronin1966 Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/26/02
Posts: 3113
Loc: East Coast, United States
Hello Restless:

Did this problem resolve itself?

J

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#152812 - 12/02/05 06:19 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
trevek Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 3337
Loc: Poland
You could try eating lots of garlic and also loads of beans and sprouts. Letting rip with a loud fart right in-front of a guy usually changes his amorous ideas.
_________________________
See how well I block your punches with my jaw!!

Supporting everyone saying "nuts to cancer"

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#152813 - 12/03/05 07:56 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: trevek]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
I am sure Restless has dealt with the issue by now...one way or another. Perhaps this wayward thread is a good candidate for gracefully closing?

Moderators?

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