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#152790 - 06/07/05 02:19 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Kintama]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
I'm a she. And there really is no other place to train this art. And I like it a lot, it suits me.

Yes, he is hot, but the instructor assistant is super hot.

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#152791 - 06/07/05 03:06 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Well, 'restless'...aren't they all hot? Those wonderful hunky, buff karate dudes that...POP!

You have yet to mention the art that is so important to you.


Edited by harlan (06/07/05 03:31 PM)

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#152792 - 06/07/05 03:41 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
No, they aren't.

It is a weapons art.

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#152793 - 06/07/05 03:55 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
harlan Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 07/31/04
Posts: 6664
Loc: Amherst, MA
Yes? So...you study a rare Koryu with only a few select people? Doesn't sound like it...they way you hint that there are other students. Why don't you change arts? What are your reasons for not doing so?

I study Matayoshi Kobudo, and if I am lucky, get a little Goju in before class is over. I wanted Jodo...emailed Japan, got referred to the USA, to NYC, to Cambridge, tracked down another in my actual town...only to find after all that effort that instruction was impossible for me to get to. Word of mouth, and I luck into someone who teaches weapons, privately...and for free.

If you aren't 'free' to leave, you will never wield a weapon seriously.


Edited by harlan (06/07/05 04:54 PM)

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#152794 - 06/08/05 03:51 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: harlan]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
You just have to believe me (or not) when I say that there is no alternative in my town.

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#152795 - 06/08/05 03:55 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
SANCHIN31 Offline
Former Moderator

Registered: 12/26/04
Posts: 3783
Loc: Arkansas, U.S.
Quote:

You just have to believe me (or not) when I say that there is no alternative in my town.




Then stay there and deal with your problem. What do you want from us?
_________________________
Skinny,Bald,and Handsome! Fightingarts Warrior of the year

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#152796 - 06/08/05 04:11 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: SANCHIN31]
Cobra_nVidia Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11
I would deal with the "extra tasks" as opposed to the "Eye contact" as, unfortunately, people looking at you isn't an arrestable offense.

Seriously, if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do the tasks. I would avoid "the talk" as that is likely to get you thrown out, even regardless of whether or not he ACTUALLY has a crush on you.

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#152797 - 06/08/05 05:26 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Cobra_nVidia]
restless Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/04
Posts: 27
I've decided to drop the administrative tasks..taking them on in the first place was a bad decision since I didn't follow my gut feeling about it.

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#152798 - 06/08/05 06:49 AM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: restless]
Kintama Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 2724
Loc: Massachusetts
Quote:

I'm a she. And there really is no other place to train this art. And I like it a lot, it suits me.

Yes, he is hot, but the instructor assistant is super hot.




whoops. lol...It may have helped if I had actually read the thread. sorry about that.

ok. I've read the thread now. The best questions have been asked without a response.
Stay and screw a married guy or leave and train solo. hmmm...I'll take the solo training. lol

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#152799 - 06/08/05 11:15 PM Re: Dealing with instructor with a crush [Re: Kintama]
Circle_of_Owls Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 44
Loc: Austin, Tx, USA
Restless, there is a fine line between making a point, and making an enemy. Others have suggested that you come straight to the point with your instructor. IMO this may be too much. Your instructor will be embarressed (he should be embarressed), and offended by this, and may turn hostile towards you. You've made it clear that you desire to continue instruction there, so I'd make more subtle suggestions to begin with. You can always have "the talk" at a later date, if his behavior continues. Maintain your space as eyrie suggested, reduce your eye contact with him. If you have a opportunity to face different portions of the dojo, make sure you face away from him. He has fogotten his place, your unfortunate job is to remind him of his professional duty and his duty towards his wife. Try to maintain very formal interactions with him. Don't try to be nice, too many clueless guys think that this means "yes". If he trys to start personal conversations, ask about his family, "how is your wife?", etc., this will let him know that you are very aware of his married status, and that he should be too. You may be able to mention it to the assistant instructor, a simple comment from them to the instructor like "why are you always drooling over Restless during class?" would likely remind him that his behavior is unprofessional. Mention a boyfriend (real or not) where the instructor can overhear. Show off a new piece of jewelry from a boyfriend to someone before or after class, where he is likely to see. Show him that your attention is directed elsewhere.

If the guy has half a brain, and any morals at all, he should backdown, without hurting your instructor-student relationship.

Good luck. - CoO
_________________________
Dignity does not come in possessing honors, but in deserving them. - Aristotle

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