FightingArts Estore
Pressure Points
From a medical professional, straight facts on where and how to hit that can save your life.
Stretching
Limber or not, anyone can add height and speed to their kicks with this method.
Calligraphy
For yourself or as a gift, calligraphy is special, unique and lasting.
Karate Uniforms
Look your best. Max snap. low cost & superior crafted: “Peak Performance Gold” 16 oz uniforms.

MOTOBU
Classic book translation. Hard to find. Not in stores.
Who's Online
0 registered (), 19 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
mohdnabeel, sunny, swordy, jerrybarry24, SenseiGregT
22915 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
Ed_Morris 4
AndyLA 3
Zombie Zero 2
Matakiant 2
futsaowingchun 2
September
Su M Tu W Th F Sa
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30
New Topics
STX Kickboxing Seminar
by Marcus Charles
09/09/14 06:57 PM
Biu Tzu- 1st section applications
by futsaowingchun
09/05/14 10:56 PM
2014 World Championships Chelyabinsk: The Gallery
by ergees
09/01/14 03:51 AM
Biu Tzu- Snake hand strike
by futsaowingchun
08/27/14 09:02 PM
An open letter to bunkai researchers...
by Bartfast
08/05/14 04:18 PM
The Karate punch
by Matakiant
10/30/13 07:41 AM
Where Are They Now?
by Dobbersky
05/30/13 08:08 AM
mindfullness meditation
by
01/06/09 11:27 AM
** Introduce Yourself! **
by
05/13/07 08:02 AM
Eugue Ryu
by
03/27/07 12:06 AM
Recent Posts
attacked from behind
by AndyLA
09/19/14 09:05 AM
An open letter to bunkai researchers...
by Matakiant
09/18/14 07:11 AM
The Karate punch
by Matakiant
09/18/14 06:07 AM
** Introduce Yourself! **
by Zombie Zero
09/16/14 04:43 PM
Eugue Ryu
by kolslaw
09/12/14 03:35 PM
Biu Tzu- 1st section applications
by futsaowingchun
09/05/14 10:56 PM
2014 World Championships Chelyabinsk: The Gallery
by ergees
09/01/14 03:51 AM
mindfullness meditation
by log1call
08/31/14 09:43 PM
Biu Tzu- Snake hand strike
by futsaowingchun
08/27/14 09:02 PM
Forum Stats
22915 Members
36 Forums
35575 Topics
432495 Posts

Max Online: 424 @ 09/24/13 10:38 PM
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#132275 - 04/17/03 05:36 AM student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


Here's a question for those of you that teach:
Have you ever had a student that had a crush on you and how did you deal with it?
Fortunately, I am not one of life's "beautiful people" so it has only happened a couple of times but I found it very embarrasing.
Sharon

Top
#132276 - 04/17/03 08:23 AM Re: student crush
Budoka Offline
Member

Registered: 05/26/02
Posts: 120
Loc: Frankston Victoria Australia
This happens all the time to me (it is hard being this good looking). By the way i am joking but this has happened a few times. It can be a real problem. I usually try and ignore it but sometimes the situation has to be addressed. I have found it quite hard as i always have it in the back of my head "what if she gets embarresed and tells everyone something happened between us". Things like this frighten the S*** out of me as i have heard of this happening a few times.
I can see why this happens as i have found myself several times the male figure in these peoples lives. Either as the husband or the father figure. Sensei seems to have the qualities they look for in a partner, strength, honour, authority, leadership and most importantly love. I love all my students.
I think it is very important to never have relations with a student. My old Sensei is notorious for it, he has never had a girlfriend that wasnt a student. The problems faced by him have been that they dont see him as the man that he is, the man with emotions, the man that farts in bead, the man that eats with his mouth open, they just view him as Sensei. They never love him because their expectations are so high and he just cant live up to them. Another problem is emotional detachment from their partner in the dojo. This was the main reason i left this teacher. Neither him or his partner could distinguish the difference between student, teacher and lover.
I see no positives to this situation at all.
Unless they are a hottie! (only joking again).

Top
#132277 - 04/17/03 08:39 AM Re: student crush
UKfightfreak Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 2599
Loc: San Francisco
Budoka: Completely agree.

I also think you have to be careful, especially if you do private tuition, as allegations are common, especially in the face of rejection.

Top
#132278 - 04/18/03 04:11 AM Re: student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


Yeah private tuition is a minefield for men especially. I would reccomend guys, for your own protection, that if you are privately teaching a female or even a male under 18 that you have someone else present whenever possible, either your partner or a senior student. The same goes if you give a student a lift to and from the dojo, which I often do. Even in the dojo, where I often touch the students to place arms, legs or hips etc, men have to be so much more careful.

Back to the crush thing, Budoka, how DO you address this kind of situation? I have always ignored it because how embarrasing would it be to address it and it turns out you are wrong (which nine times out of ten, your admirer would say you were even if you were not).

Another problem I have had is with wives of students, and occasionally, wives of other instructors being jealous of my imagined relationship with their husband for no good reason. I find it strange because once I have a gi on, that sort of thing honestly never enters my head.

As for dating students, I think it is a minefield but I have known instructors to end up married to a student. These are not usually the type of instructor that stalk all their students of the opposite sex (I have met that type too)

I am getting married in July to a fellow instructor, who I used to train with, but our courting was done outside, NEVER in the dojo. He is senior to me so I often train under him now and when I do he is always Sensei and I show him the same respect I would show any other instructor.

Sharon

Top
#132279 - 04/18/03 05:02 AM Re: student crush
Budoka Offline
Member

Registered: 05/26/02
Posts: 120
Loc: Frankston Victoria Australia
The way i address the situation is to be honest. I call it like it is. Usually it is a teenage girl and if i dont confront them i just distance myself from them and get a different Sensei within the school to take over their tuition.
We have had (and still do have) a real jealousy problem within the dojo with partners of students. We have a female black belt who is very attractive. She is a very "touchy feely" type person. When she is having a conversation with you she makes body contact with you. A lot of the guys within the dojo have developed feelings for this person because apart from being beautiful she is a great person and an exceptional martial artist. After a while the guys catch on and realise that it is just her way and discontinue persuing her. The wives and girlfriends of the men within the dojo hate this woman. They feel threatened that much that i actually know of relationships that have broken down because of this (including her 14 year marriage). It is quite sad that people judge this great person and try to destroy her reputation because they feel inadequate about themselves. While she is training dilligently and gaining greater fitness and a better physique, these wives and girlfriends are at home watching TV and eating cakes. It is really quite sad.

Top
#132280 - 04/18/03 05:27 AM Re: student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


Yes it is sad - and ridiculous, I feel sorry for the girl, she can't help being beautiful any more than the rest of us can help being "ordinary". The other females obviously have relationship issues, otherwise they would trust their partner, even if they don't know this girl well enough to trust her. I hope these problems don't discourage her from continuing her training. I hope she realises it is their problem and not hers. As for her own 14 year marriage breaking down, she must have been devastated, but her husband obviously did not trust her and you can not have a successful marriage without trust.
An ex boyfriend of mine was convinced that every male instructor or student I came into contact with only wanted to train with me to get me into bed! He used to try all sorts of ridiculous tricks to stop me going to train. We didn't stay together long.
What about everyone else, some of you must have had a problem with student crushes, don't be shy.
Sharon

Top
#132281 - 04/24/03 11:11 AM Re: student crush
mark Offline
sword of magnamity

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 1284
Loc: uk
ROFL,

I married her!!

Mark

Top
#132282 - 04/24/03 11:44 AM Re: student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


LOL Mark! I knew that.

I am talking about crushes of the unrequited kind. Don't say Suzie was the only one to fall for your good looks and charming manner.


Everyone else here must be very undesirable, very modest or very shy. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Sharon

Top
#132283 - 04/25/03 07:20 PM Re: student crush
ishinnick Offline
Member

Registered: 12/25/02
Posts: 182
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Quote.


Everyone else here must be very undesirable, very modest or very shy. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Sharon[/QUOTE]

#'s 1 + 3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[This message has been edited by ishinnick (edited 04-25-2003).]

Top
#132284 - 04/25/03 10:27 PM Re: student crush
mark Offline
sword of magnamity

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 1284
Loc: uk
Lol, no Sharon, Suzie wasn’t the first.....

I just took ruthless advantage of all the others.........

Truthfully, I still find it very awkward teaching woman 1 to 1.
After all I am only human and NOT immune to.....err... visual appeal!!
So I tend to adopt a very old fashioned sense of propriety.

I should be noted that I teach a University club so there are quite a few young women that train with me.

This is funny, ………… I am very very short sighted, before I had contact lenses, I would spar with out glasses on and I couldn’t focus on arms moving toward me, so I looked at the chest/shoulder area and could see that movement ( just)
So now with contact lenses, I still have this habit, but can see perfectly….I remember when sparring with my top student, who is a very pretty young lady, that she seemed a little uneasy…..It dawned on me that what she saw, was me just staring constantly at her chest…………….Took some explaining I must say!!!!!!

As male sensei we have a great deal of “power” ….easy to take advantage of that……
I pride myself that 50% of my club are female and all of them feel confident with me…….mind you they do see Suzie…each lesson as well… [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif[/IMG]

Mark

Top
#132285 - 04/26/03 01:59 AM Re: student crush
suzie Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 140
Wadowoman - are we talking about the same Mark! Thanks - he now has an intolerable big head.I did get a big kick round the chops at my first ever yoseikan lesson, I put it down to this momentary disorder of consciousness, I got to hold sensei's hand, and so it began.

It is handy when your partner trains at the same club as you, as it usually prevents this sort of thing going too far. However, when it comes to sparring, we haven't sparred in class for years, as it just gets too personal. I'll take a knock gracefully from anyone but him! I'd love to one time - coz I could whoop his strangely illustrated butt into next week. (ho ho I don't think - but I'd like to, but he is the voice of reason on this front... or is he just scared - Mark?) [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]

It is possible to leave relationships outside the door up to a point, but at the end of the day, it is much worse to be physically hurt by your partner. Maybe it is because this is the person that at the end of the day you share your troubles with and look to for comfort and security.

Top
#132286 - 04/28/03 04:00 PM Re: student crush
Fighting Dwarf Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 322
Loc: UK
Mark:
now I know that your story refers to me, I must protest! I didn't notice that you were staring at my boobs until you mentioned something about it! I'm kinda tempted now to show up at training one time wearing a huge pair of comedy breasts... [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG] D)

-Charlie

Top
#132287 - 04/28/03 04:11 PM Re: student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


[QUOTE]Originally posted by suzie:


It is possible to leave relationships outside the door up to a point, but at the end of the day, it is much worse to be physically hurt by your partner. Maybe it is because this is the person that at the end of the day you share your troubles with and look to for comfort and security.

[/QUOTE]

Suzie, could you explain that to Mike, he is always hurting me in the dojo LOL.

Fighting Dwarf, I have just realised who you are, Hi there. (Told you I was slow on the uptake Mr V, I would not make a very good spy would I?)
Sharon

Top
#132288 - 04/30/03 01:45 AM Re: student crush
mark Offline
sword of magnamity

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 1284
Loc: uk
Charlie,

im shocked.....you said "I'm kinda tempted now to show up at training one time wearing a huge pair of comedy breasts"

I thought you already did!!! [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]

Mark

Oh dear, im in trouble!! eer....what was that next grade you wanted!?

Top
#132289 - 04/30/03 05:37 AM Re: student crush
Fighting Dwarf Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 322
Loc: UK
Hi Sharon LOL!

Mark, are you sure you've been wearing your contacts the right way round?

...hmmm, how did this thread become a discussion about the size of my boobs? [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif[/IMG] Sorry Sharon, good topic though!

- Charlie [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif[/IMG]

....it's not even as if they ARE huge....

Top
#132290 - 05/02/03 03:13 PM Re: student crush
suzie Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 140
Charlie, there was the time Mark had my chest protector under his Gi, Kind of like fake coomedy boobs. We only put them there for a joke, but he did take a bit longer than expected to remove them...

Top
#132291 - 05/03/03 06:38 AM Re: student crush
Fighting Dwarf Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 322
Loc: UK
...worrying...

[IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]

-C

Top
#132292 - 05/03/03 11:03 AM Re: student crush
mark Offline
sword of magnamity

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 1284
Loc: uk
i didnt think 4 or 5 weeks was that long.....

Top
#132293 - 05/03/03 01:18 PM Re: student crush
Fighting Dwarf Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 322
Loc: UK
Is that how you recognised my fake boobs? I thought they were rather subtle myself...

[IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG]

-C

Top
#132294 - 05/03/03 01:24 PM Re: student crush
Yoseikan Student Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/03
Posts: 1166
Loc: UK
errr.... hello? Martial Arts Forum??

I must be lost.

Top
#132295 - 05/03/03 03:25 PM Re: student crush
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hear hear YK, some people always lower the tone don't they [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Sharon

Top
#132296 - 05/03/03 06:05 PM Re: student crush
Fighting Dwarf Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 322
Loc: UK
I sincerely apologise, and from this day on I swear never to use my comedy breasts again...

...no, it's no good, so don't try to persuade me...

...my mind is made up...

[IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif[/IMG]

_C

[IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG]

Top
#132297 - 05/14/03 04:24 AM Re: student crush
viper aus Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 56
Loc: australia
it seems like u guys r havin fun trying to work this out but i have been traing and teaching for quite a while now and out of possibly 20 relationships i've noticed the only 2 to survive were the ones that were already active prior to the start of thier martial arts training

Top
#132298 - 05/14/03 07:36 AM Re: student crush
JohnL Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 4309
Loc: NY, NY, USA
Why make such a big deal about it.

People (Adults) interact socially in any given number of situations. Everytime they meet someone they interact at a certain level. A karate club is no different. If a couple met at a sewing circle and a relationship developed, is that wrong. Of course not.

Quite often relationships start as a result of a common interest. That's how people meet.

Also, in any given interface, one of the parties involved will be more experienced in the common interest than the other. So what.

Crushes are one thing. These can develop with younger people at any time during a teacher pupil relationship. These should be dealt with differently from consenting adults.

Have I seen karate relationships develop. Of course. Many engagements, marriages, babies, divorces etc.

Don't put MA teachers on a pedestal. They have a right to meet people in any way they choose. Providing it does not affect the manner in which they teach you their MA, which is what you have gone to them for, it's none of your business.

JohnL

Top
#132299 - 05/14/03 06:51 PM Re: student crush
mark Offline
sword of magnamity

Registered: 03/04/03
Posts: 1284
Loc: uk
Viper & John L,

I agree with you completely, but can we get back to the important subject of Charlie and her comedy breasts……

Mark

Top
#132300 - 05/31/03 07:36 PM Re: student crush
Wait4MeKitten Offline
Newbie

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 6
I think its totally inappropriate for a master and student to develop any sort of relationship. I think that degrades both the master and the school. Of course people get crushes, that is totally natural and happens all the time: teacher/student, doctor/patient, therapist/client to name a few - but does that mean its appropriate to act on those urges? I don't think so. My 2-cents.

Top
#132301 - 06/01/03 09:36 AM Re: student crush
ZealianBadass Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 176
Loc: Basking Ridge, NJ, USA
Long as it doesn't get in the way, which takes some serious control, it's cool by me. The self-control is the big issue, I'd say. Not everyone has enough.

Top
#132302 - 08/15/03 07:20 AM Re: student crush
haiazuki Offline
Member

Registered: 08/14/03
Posts: 173
Loc: Manila, Philippines
Yo!

In my dojo, senseis are not allowed to marry colored belts until they become black belters themselves. They can marry outsiders. And their wives could decide to study Karate later on. But a teacher and a student are not allowed to get married.

Osu!

Top
#132303 - 08/18/03 08:44 AM Re: student crush
IRONMAN Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/03
Posts: 68
Loc: STATEN ISLAND, NY, UNITED STAT...
im not a instructor but i did det involved with a woman in my dojang. only being 19 and she being 29 it seemed like a good idea at the time. after 2 weeks of fun naturaly things didn't work out and seeing her on a daily basis training with her got very awkward and i wasn't really able to concentrate on my training. if i new at the time that it was going to mess up my traiing i would have never got involved in the whole situation. my opinion dating in the dojo,dojang,ect. a big mistake.

Top
#132304 - 08/18/03 09:47 AM Re: student crush
JohnL Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 4309
Loc: NY, NY, USA
[QUOTE]Originally posted by haiazuki:
Yo!

In my dojo, senseis are not allowed to marry colored belts until they become black belters themselves. They can marry outsiders. And their wives could decide to study Karate later on. But a teacher and a student are not allowed to get married.

Osu!
[/QUOTE]


What a total load of garbage.

And stop putting Osu at the end of your posts, it's insulting. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG](See earlier posts)

JohnL

Top
#132305 - 08/18/03 09:48 AM Re: student crush
JohnL Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 4309
Loc: NY, NY, USA
[QUOTE]Originally posted by IRONMAN:
im not a instructor but i did det involved with a woman in my dojang. only being 19 and she being 29 it seemed like a good idea at the time. after 2 weeks of fun naturaly things didn't work out and seeing her on a daily basis training with her got very awkward and i wasn't really able to concentrate on my training. if i new at the time that it was going to mess up my traiing i would have never got involved in the whole situation. my opinion dating in the dojo,dojang,ect. a big mistake.[/QUOTE]


Congratulations

It's called learning one of lifes lessons.

JohnL

Top
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  Cord, MattJ, Reiki, tkd_high_green 




Action Ads
1.5 Million Plus Page Views
Monthly
Only $89
Details

Stun Guns
Variety of stun gun devices for your protection

Buy Pepper Spray
Worry about your family when you’re not around? Visit us today to protect everything you value.

Koryu.com
Accurate information on the ancient martial traditions of the Japanese samurai

C2 Taser
Protect yourself and loved ones from CRIME with the latest C2 Taser citizen model. Very effective.

 

 



Unbreakable Unbrella

krav maga