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#131511 - 03/21/05 02:56 AM Doing the right thing

I encountered a troubling situation a couple of days ago, and I would just like to know some opinions on the subject. Two close friends and I were asked by my mother to monitor my little sisters eighteenth birthday party at our local swim club. It was going to be a dance party, and with a guest list of over 100 high school kids my parents needed us to make sure that nobody brought in alchohol or came uninvited. Under specific instructions from my father, we were not to confront a brewing problem ourselves, but to phone the police. Well, most of the night went by uneventful, but as midnight passed and teenagers inevitably found a way to get themselves intoxicated, egos began to flare. What started as a simple sarcastic remark made by the smallest of the three of us, became a full scale beat down. One of the larger, and more drunken party atendees took offense to my friend's seemingly harmless comment, and responded by shoving him hard with both arms. We were in a relatively open area by the pool, and I responded quickly by restraining the aggressor and telling him to calm down and rethink. This seemed to work after I reminded him that he was there to celebrate my sister's birthday, not to have a stage for his ego. Unfortunately the effect of my words wore off afer a few minutes and soon I could tell that he still had the confrontation on his mind. I took my two friends to the bathroom to try and explain to them that we could not react offensively to this person, but either ask him to leave or just appease his drunkenness and keep our space. Suddenly five kids burst through the door and in an instant my friend's jacket was pulled over his head and he was backed into a corner. I moved behind the largest guy, the same one that had caused the fight, and pulled him backwards to the ground with a blood choke. His friends managed to pry me off but my response successfully stopped the fight, for the second time. I pulled the agressor out of the bathroom and told him that he needed to leave. He appeared to have some kind of understanding or respect for my authority, bus was still angry about the fight and was desperate to establish himself as a greater presence than my poor frend and myself. He attempted to provoke me to fight him by getting in my face and yelling, but I calmly repelled his bullshit and succeded in getting him out the door. I stood there for only a moment to take a deep breath, a hopeful sigh of relief. What I did not know was that it wasn't all over. Not moments later I heard shouting in the parking lot and ran out to see what was going on. About fifty yards from me I saw my two friends surrounded by about ten guys. As I ran to reach them they floored my smaller friend and began to kick and punch him relentlessly. My other friend was backed into a wall and had his arms covering his head for defense. I went straight for my smaller friend and spread the group of attackers by throwing down one of them and grabbing my friend. By the time I pulled him out he was badly beaten and could barely stand straight. After that everyone seemingly came to their senses, and the drunken kids drove off basking in their stolen victory. I was left feeling shameful, like I had somehow let my friends down by not nipping the problem in the bud. Being the only one of us minutely trained in combat and self defense, I kind of felt like it was my responsibility to handle the situation, but I did not really fight at all, I just tried to talk everything out, and in the end my strategy failed miserably. I sat up all night re-thinking the scenario in a way where we triumph, starting in the beginning by the pool. Would it have been better to perform a devastating attack on the initiator of the fight to make an example, or did I do the right thing even though my friends still ended up getting hurt? I guess what I'm getting at is the difference between being the tough guy that prevails when facing confrontation, or the wary defender who evades conflict entirely. Where do you draw the line between being too severe with your skills and simply trying to break up a fight? I would love to hear your opinions.

#131512 - 03/21/05 03:52 AM Re: Doing the right thing
Victor Smith Offline
Professional Poster

Registered: 06/01/00
Posts: 3220
Loc: Derry, NH

I think the first thing to recognize your parent's made a very bad assumption that you and several friendsd could control a teenage party with 100 people to be there.

That is the first problem. For decades teenagers everyplace have proven un-controlled in similar situations, town after town. A birthday party for your sister turnint 18 is not reason to set aside their own resposiblities. Assuming the law in your state is it is illegal to drink under 21, the only responsible answer for your parents would have been to have enough adult supervision present to deal with the situations that could arise.

It's obvious your presence, was not enough.

It's true your father gave you instructions to get the police to handle things, but that is not easy to do when you're in the middle of things. That is the right answer, provided, you can do it.

What happened happened. You did what you could, second guessing yourself doesn't make life any easier. None of us knows the right answer, except, the situation should have been controlled before it got to that point.

Frankly anybody anyplace that assumes 100 teenagers will exercise control for a party without enough adult presence to keep things in control is foolish, everytime.

Sure the are very responsible teens. But history tells us over and over that this is a likely occurance. You're father tried to address that with you, but he made a very big mistake assuming you're presence was enough.

Victor Smith

#131513 - 03/29/05 06:03 PM Re: Doing the right thing
Shadowfax Offline

Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 296
Loc: Mason City, IA
I agree with Victor. Three people cannot control a crowd of 100 unless they have automatic weapons. Pure and simple.

Plus, if your father was worried enough about this party that he felt the need to provide security, then the guest list should have been rethunk.

And then he said you couldn't do anything but call the cops if something did happen. I've been told that in real (read: "paid") security gigs before - I've always explained that the bad guy is not going to politely wait until I can call the cops and they can respond before he resumes doing whatever prompted me to call the cops in the first place, and if they expect me to follow that guideline, they need to find another security man.

#131514 - 04/01/05 11:44 PM Re: Doing the right thing

You did the best you could with the situation you had at hand. If you called the cops you and your friends could be dead by the time they arrived. And that brings the law into play and parents start getting upset and it just makes a big mess of things.

Now is it just me, of does it seam that being trained to fight makes you less confrontational? When I first started kung fu I thought I'd be out all night fighting. Needless to say I was seven years old. But after about 2 years I that barbaric trait. Now whenever I get into a fight I always try to talk my opponent out of fighting. Even if I know I can win and am not scared of him at all I still don't want to fight. Like in your story. These guys we're hastling you and we're totally asking for a pounding. But still you only played defence. And what's more is you kept trying to talk them out of it. Which is admirable and I tip my hat to you. So, does anyone else think training to ffight reduse one's will to fight?

#131515 - 04/02/05 08:44 AM Re: Doing the right thing

Heh i think if you want the party to be save everyone should be out by 12 after that i don't know teenagers (i am one) start acting tough and fights start breaking out to impress the girls cause people are stupid [IMG][/IMG]

But you did the right thing cops make a bigger mess i think they take down names they blame you for having a party and so on

#131516 - 04/04/05 05:55 PM Re: Doing the right thing

yeah.. it wasnt your fault that like 10 guys rounded up on your friends without you knowing it! and it was unfair of your dad to ask such a big responsiblity of you. and Dust N' Bones. actually. when you take martial arts you are not supposed to get better at fighting.. in my opinion.. you get better at improvisation, like thinking quickly of the next move. if you want to get faster punches then just hold a couple of dumbells and start punching lol [IMG][/IMG].

#131517 - 04/06/05 02:57 AM Re: Doing the right thing

so your sister huh? is she cute........ jk you did the right thing and the situation got out of control. drunk people cant listen to reason you need to do you r best to keep others from geting hurt first and formost and it sounds like you were keeping things under pritty good control

#131518 - 04/07/05 04:17 AM Re: Doing the right thing

If you had actually started to fight them, your friends might have got hurt anyway, and then you would have been in trouble as well. You did the right thing, it just wasn't enough this time because you were in an unfair situation. There was very little you could have done.

#131519 - 04/10/05 04:07 PM Re: Doing the right thing

I truly think you did the right thing. Using your art should be the last and final solution. You did your best to stop the confrontation without injury, if you had made an example, those 9 friends of his I'm sure would have come to his aid. My solution would have been to remove my smaller friend from the area, I think that would have been the best solution. Although the attacker would have in his mind won, no one would get hurt, and the party would have continued with a boosted ego, and no injury.


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