Inevitable fight

I’m just under 6ft tall and weigh around 170lbs, and 15 years of age. Recently at school, my best friend has got a new girlfriend. At first it was ok, but now she has split our friendship up completely. As a result of this i now dislike her a lot, as you would expect i don’t treat her to well now, and understandably (being her boyfriend) he has taken offence. Instead of dealing with the problem and finding out what has caused my hatred he has got one of his mates to fight me. This, I’m pretty pissed about as his friend is meant to be quite hard although i don’t know him. He’s about 5ft 8in i would say and not as big built as me. Anyway to cut a long story short, i have had no MA training and am nervous about how to fight him, and what to do if his friends come, this fight is inevitable as i have tried all kinds of reasoning. Could someone please give me some advice

You can't learn anything here that will help you fight him. Best advice is to avoid him, his girl friend and his mate.

If you have no way to avoid fighting then do it on your terms, when he's away from his friends. If you don't know him do you know what he looks like? Does he know what you look like? If you know what he looks like but he does not know you, you have an advantage. Sucker punch him when he's least expecting an attack.

Be prepared for the consequences of your actions. If you hurt him he may get his friends after you or have you arrested. If you don't hurt him he may return the favor and whoop your butt.

You can't win either way.

Sorry if you take offence as it doesnt seem like you're the agressor but can't anyone just solve their problems through talking these days? Why always this jump to "I'm gonna kick your arse" mentality? What's wrong with good old fashioned diplomacy? If this is the way the human race is these days, no wonder the world is becoming a violent place.

If you have no MA training you should just avoid a fight. If you have MA training you should avoid a fight. If you have to fight (and I do mean have to, last resort) end it quick and get out of there.

But please don't think about it as a inevitable fight. My old TKD instrutor always said if you have to fight, you've done something wrong.

Well, the boy sure as hell knows who i am cause he is taunting me all the time, and it's only a matter of time until he decides to have a swing at me. For example today he decided to throw stones at me. I'm getting pretty pissed off, but i'm not the kind of person that will go and tell someone, i would rather sort the problem myself. Could you not give me any tips in how to fight him if and when it happens? The main things i'm concerned about is that if he hits me i will get angry and lay into him and maybe injure him severly, but on the other hand i dont want to hit him softly and make him think i'm a pussy. I need advice on how to deal with this fight plz.

There is no answer to your question because;

1. You cannot learn how to fight or defend yourself from reading techniques from a forum;

2. It would be impossible for anyone here to predict what your aggressor may do so how can we say what techniques you could use;

3. Even if people replied from here saying choke him out, kick him in the knee, go for the groin etc. it would still be of no use to you because you won't know how apply it.

Just use your common sense. Avoid the places you know where he is likely to be. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are on your own. If you want to travel somewhere, go by car. And if confronted by him, try and talk yourself out of this situation.

Have you tried patching things up with your friend? That way he'll tell his mate to stop coming after you.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Peter Pan:
I’m just under 6ft tall and weigh around 170lbs, and 15 years of age. Recently at school, my best friend has got a new girlfriend. At first it was ok, but now she has split our friendship up completely. As a result of this i now dislike her a lot, as you would expect i don’t treat her to well now, and understandably (being her boyfriend) he has taken offence. Instead of dealing with the problem and finding out what has caused my hatred he has got one of his mates to fight me. This, I’m pretty pissed about as his friend is meant to be quite hard although i don’t know him. He’s about 5ft 8in i would say and not as big built as me. Anyway to cut a long story short, i have had no MA training and am nervous about how to fight him, and what to do if his friends come, this fight is inevitable as i have tried all kinds of reasoning. Could someone please give me some advice[/QUOTE]

this stupid S@#* has got to stop. i swear when i was your age i used my brain and solved my own problems. if i couldnt find a way i would talk to someone older than me that i trusted like a parent. hmm novel idea? i thought so. now that i have that off my chest heres how i would solve the problem if i were in your shoes. i would walk away. theres no shame in it and no loss of any face if you dont fight. it shows that your the bigger man and wish not to waste your time doing something silly as fighting over a girl. if he's a true friend you wouldnt be in this predicament in the first place. so just walk away.

Plant some weed at that guys house then call the cops annonymously. He cant fight you if hes in juvie or on probation [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif[/IMG]

Just avoid his ass and go sleep with his sister. Thats what id do. And get your poor ass some boxing lessons

[QUOTE]My old TKD instrutor always said if you have to fight, you've done something wrong.[/QUOTE]

Best advice I've ever heard. Keep away from them and try to de-escalate the situation.

Keep lots of people around you. Hang around in a group when you go about the place.

Inform an adult or the police. If the guy provokes you, do not respond. If he tries to fight, get the hell out of there. (i.e. run as fast as your legs can carry you)

I've studied MA for 15 years and that's what I'd do. Running signals your intent for self defence rather than fighting and puts you on more solid legal ground if you do have to fight. (Which you shouldn't)

Self defence does not equal fighting. Self defence is trying to keep out of dangerous situations.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Peter Pan:
Well, the boy sure as hell knows who i am cause he is taunting me all the time, and it's only a matter of time until he decides to have a swing at me. For example today he decided to throw stones at me. I'm getting pretty pissed off, but i'm not the kind of person that will go and tell someone, i would rather sort the problem myself. Could you not give me any tips in how to fight him if and when it happens? The main things i'm concerned about is that if he hits me i will get angry and lay into him and maybe injure him severly, but on the other hand i dont want to hit him softly and make him think i'm a pussy. I need advice on how to deal with this fight plz.[/QUOTE]

1. Sounds like he's trying to bait you to take the first shot. Are you a hungry fish? If not, why bite?

2. You're not going to learn how to defend yourself on this forum. It takes years to learn this stuff. You're not going to learn it in one hour, not in one day, and certainly not within a week. If it could be done, we'd all be instant black belts.

You want my advice? WALK AWAY. Just ignore him and your ex-friend. With friends like that, you don't need any enemies. So what if they think you're a pussy? Are you a pussy? If not, why respond?

MA is about control - self-control. You only use it if your life depends on it. From what you've said so far, your life is in no immediate danger.

3. Go to a MA school and start taking lessons.

This is what I tell my kids, whether they be 3, 6, 10, 15, 18, 25 or 45.

Spoken like true Martial Artists/Warroirs the essence of the Martial Arts is to Avoid Battle.

To qoute a Tao saying.

To fight with another is wrong, But loosing a fight over principle you deem honorable is worst. Learning to fight is as proper as learning to walk or talk. Because by learning to fight you learn to Avoid battle.

A Loose translation.

Try to avoid this conflict using the advise above. Go tell a teacher or his parent.

Nothing stated on this forum that would enhance your immediate chances, that has not been mentioned.

Being MA is hard work, not just a couple I'd do this....

[This message has been edited by Neko456 (edited 03-04-2005).]

If the kid is throwing rocks at you, he's obviously a coward.

I agree that your first mistake was in allowing a fight to happen. Even in a world of miscreants, you can conduct yourself in a manner that others find no reason to fight. Which might just make you the biggest man in school.

It does sound like reason won't work at this point, unless the kid's parent's found out. At this point, his parents are the only ones that could get him to see the error of his ways and withdraw.

That being said, I believe kids DO need to fight and figure out their place in "the pack". Much deadlier physical confrontations later in life happen because the people involved didn't work out their places somewhere between K-12 (and didn't dedicate to a fighting art), I really believe. So this trend of no tolerance for fighting in school is totally misguided and counterproductive to a safe and productive community.

So even if you lose the fight, you won't "lose". His friends may snicker, but trust me--inside, they are afraid of how they'd fare. Showing up is half the battle. But I do agree that if you get the opportunity to fight on your own terms, then do it.

If you are human, trust me--you already know how to fight. You'll do fine. The best hope you can have IMPROVING ON your genetically-encoded fighting skills, at this point, is to go buy a cheap punching bag (the big heavy kind), cloth tape, and the thin bag-gloves. Don't worry about kicks or anything fancy, just practice punching. Straight, fast, sharp jabs involving your shoulders, waist, hips, and knees. Learn balance and stay light on your feet. Don't worry about knockout blows. Jabbing effectively with your off hand is the hardest thing to nail down. You can already hit with your dominant arm harder than your hand can stand--so practice making a solid fist and hitting so the forces are in-line with the greatest mass of bone through your fingers, hand, and forearm. Keep your jabs straight, and powered by your whole body--arcing swings, for beginners, are wild swings; and wild swings are arcing swings. And if you manage to connect, it will break your thumb. Punch THROUGH the bag.

And all you want to do is get the guy to back off, leave the fight, and drop the matter. Your goal is not to "win" or to beat him senseless. And remember, even if you lose, the conflict will be over. That's the beauty of K-12 fights (even adult fights that don't result in death). You may THINK that it will turn into tit-for-tat gang warfare, but 99% of the time it will be over one way or another, and no one will suffer humiliation.

Thanks jamesrother for that good advice, and everyone else too. I haven't had the fight yet, but it's just a matter of time until he decides to start one, i can tell. I am starting boxing lessons this week. I deffinately don't want to start the fight, but if he does then i just want to be able to show him up in front of his mates to make him retreat. Just 1 question though, what is better short fast jabs or long hard ones?

Jabs are supposed to be the fastest effective punches. (Straights are supposed to be faster I think, but more for distraction than anything else) Go for fast jabs, if you want a powerful punch go for a hook to the chin and put your weight into it.

Whatever you do keep away from him and DO NOT FIGHT! Bash and dash. Run away as soon as you can, who knows if he's carrying a knife, or if he has a bunch of idiot friends with baseball bats around the corner waiting for you.

[This message has been edited by Leo_E_49 (edited 03-06-2005).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jamesrother:
Which might just make you the biggest man in school.

That being said, I believe kids DO need to fight and figure out their place in "the pack". Much deadlier physical confrontations later in life happen because the people involved didn't work out their places somewhere between K-12 (and didn't dedicate to a fighting art), I really believe.[/QUOTE]

Only fight to survive, not to protect your 'ego'!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jamesrother:
So this trend of no tolerance for fighting in school is totally misguided and counterproductive to a safe and productive community.[/QUOTE]

So you believe kids using violence to try and deal with their problems is productive? The kids who were usually in fights when I was at school have mostly ended up in either a life of crime or unemployed. They didn't focus on dealing with their problems using their mind but with their fists and it's gotten them nowhere.

[QUOTE]
That's the beauty of K-12 fights (even adult fights that don't result in death). You may THINK that it will turn into tit-for-tat gang warfare, but 99% of the time it will be over one way or another, and no one will suffer humiliation.[/QUOTE]

Peter Pan, please discard this 'advice'!

There are many reports of fights which have resulted in death without intention from either parties. There have been three tragedies in the last couple of months that I know of where I live where drunken disputes have taken place. Each one took just one punch and resulted in death. Furthermore, a young school boy (13years old) was killed in school in the town near me in a simple fight in which only a couple of punches were thrown.

Remember with actions come consequences. Do you want to be responsible for taking a life and being sent down for it? Even if you only intend to punch him in the face, you still risk causing terrible suffering or even death. If you have any conscience or humanity, you will make the right choice.