My most recent fight

Deleted due to opening myself up to off topic criticism]

Well, I was hoping this would turn out to be funnier.

In my niece's defense: Her baby sister is only two weeks old, and my niece is having difficulty adjusting. It was the reason I took her out, and why she started having the fit. She wouldn't let the bike ride I took her on end, even though my back was hurting pretty bad. I'm gonna keep doing stuff with her for now at least, and be somewhat lenient on her behaviour for a few days.

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I have hit my 3.5 year old son, something like 3 times, maybe 4. each time, with the pad of my index finger, in the center of his forehead.

I found that it is a good way to get his attention, show his vulnarability, and give him a very minor amount of discomfort, without really hurting him. the first time I did it, he wacked me on the head hard enough to bring tears to my eyes, when I was carrying him on my shoulders. I was scared that I would drop him. when I tried to discuss it with him, he wouldn't listen, so I pinned him down and poked his head, and said "see, I am so much bigger than you that I could realy hurt you, but we don't do that. but see, you really hurt me, and I want you to understand that I could hurt you to, if I wanted to, but that we don't hurt each other in this household. do you understand that I can hurt you if I wanted?" the first time he said no, so I poked his forhead and he realized that he couldn't do anything about it, and then he agreed with me and calmed down.

he has tried to hit me once or twice since, in anger, and I poke him in the forehead and say "see? if I wanted to hurt you I could, so lets settle this with our voices instead of our hands?". it has been pretty effective.

As an adult, you are essentially in control. How one elects to establish parameters, and enforce them, is a reflection on ones abilities.

Establishing the idea that you are bigger, stronger, etc., even if it is only by using a tap on the forehead, will work only so long. It sets up a paradigm of me vs. you. Over time, testing/resistance and force can escalate.

The only time I ever used force on my children was when they were nursing. Yup...the little suckers bite! A flick of the finger on the face and after only one or two occasions...they would stop that behaviour. Children learn quickly. But the point behind it was to associate biting with pain...and to make them aware of a seperation between themselves and another being.

Establishing authority is a tricky business, but it should be done with the idea of mutual respect between individuals...even your respect for a child as an individual.

The use of force, to me, is the failure of diplomacy.

Let's stay on topic and away from how we should raise our children. Galen, apology accepted,my fault too,sorry

Locked at the request of the poster.