Posted by: MattJ
Men and Women - 07/18/07 08:07 AM
Differences Between Women and Men
NAMES
--If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
--If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
--When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
--When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
--A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
--A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
--The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
--A woman has the last word in any argument.
--Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
--Women love cats.
--Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
--A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
--A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
--A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
--A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
--A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
--A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
--A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
--Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
--Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
--Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
--A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
--Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY....
--A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep", the husband replied, "in-laws.
NAMES
--If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
--If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
--When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
--When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
--A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
--A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
--The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
--A woman has the last word in any argument.
--Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
--Women love cats.
--Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
--A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
--A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
--A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
--A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
--A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
--A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
--A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
--Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
--Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
--Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
--A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
--Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY....
--A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep", the husband replied, "in-laws.