does any one else have this problem

this doesn't realy have anyhting to do with teaching and learning but i dont know any where else to post this. does anyone elses girlfriend/wife give them a hard time about studying martial arts. like that it takes up to much time or that u like martial arts more then u like them, etc. i already had to dump 2 girl friends for giving me a hard time over martial arts and i only go to 3 classes a week. just wondering if anyone has had similiar problems.

Ironman,

On the contrary, my husband thinks it's great that his wife and daughter train. He often brags about it - though I really wish he wouldn't :-). There have been times when our instructor was unable to make a tournament and he has "stepped in" to coach - actually does a pretty good job of it, too. Hang in there! Someone will find your passion for martial arts interesting. Who knows, maybe so interested that they'll start to train, too.

NancyP

These women were testing you-trying to discover or prove how much control over you they had.

Watch out for the clingy, needy ones who want to train with you-they are trying to insinuate themselves into every aspect of your life with only one goal-total utter domination of your life.

That is why you never give out your real name, use an easy to remember alias (ie. "Bob")or name of coworker you don't like much.Never let them know where you live or work-Always call them from random payphones located in different parts of town or from someone else's cellphone.

Remember, They can take your life-but they can never take your Freeeedommmm!!!!!!

nekogami13

ROFL

Hi nekogami13

I think you have a few life issues to sort out before you start giving advice on this subject.
[IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif[/IMG]

JohnL

One quick thing about previous post-last part should be read in a scottish accent while imagining me typing it while wearing a kilt.

As for johnl-my court appointed therapist agrees with you [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif[/IMG]

LOL!

not in the least..

My wife is 4th Dan Karate, 1st dan jujitsu, 1st dan kenpo, 1st dan tang-soo-doo.

Best student i ever "HAD" (snigger!)

AND she does the washing up.....

sigh!

Mark

Find a new girlfriend.

I have had problems with ex boyfriends in the past (my es-husband was the worst)

Men that don't train are often intimidated by a woman who is serious about their training.

Conversly, I had one (short-lived) relationship with a guy who was far too excited by it and wanted to incorporate it into our "personal" life [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG] At the same time he hated me training with "all those men". I just could not convince him that once in a gi everyone was just a training partner or an instructor regardles of gender (it's hardly the most flattering outfit, I look huge in mine).

My second husband is senior to me and very supportive so it is no longer a problem.
Sharon

One of the guys I studied with in the past once said that there were three important points for a sucessful long term relationship:
1. Common Values
2. Common Goals
3. Mutual Respect

If any one is missing, you will have major problems in the long term.

A few years ago I lost a girlfriend due to our differing values - especialy our difference in attitude toward fighting in general. (She was a Jehovah's Witness and believed that war and fighting was wrong). At the time I would have dropped almost anything for her, but in retrospect she did the right thing to break up with me.

I found and married a wonderful woman that I love and who loves me. We have the common goals, values, and mutual respect that are key to a long term relationship. It just happens that she even trains with me when she can.

Good luck.

Martin

This is becoming a major problem for me as my interest in karate increases.

When I met my wife I was training a couple of times a week which she was fine with. Now I have 2 young children and I struggle to train as much as that now, what with her working, babysitting costs, etc.
Getting in plenty of training is very hard!!

I'm now coming to the point in my karate life that I wish to start my own dojo, with my long term sights set on full (or nearly full) time instruction. This is not a goal that she shares with me and to pursue my dream is going to mean going against her wishes.

Advice on this will be very much appreciated. The karate is causing a strain on our relationship. I will elaborate further on any point if required.

The only thing I can think of is to communicate to her how important your long term goal is to you as well as how beneficial it may be to the family as a whole. Also if you wish to stay married I would not recommend going against her wishes. Get her support before you open your own dojo.

I take it her biggest complaint is you do not spend enough time with her and the kids.

Ogoun, I think if he was married her biggest complaint would have been the 2 girlfriends he had [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif[/IMG] not his study of mA.

Of course, most of us have this problem to some degree! Man or women, older or younger, it does not matter. Nobody likes to be the proverbial "mistress". (The person left at home alone, waiting for us to return).

You need to explain your passion, and why it is so important for you to do this. If it is important to you to have their relationship, consider offering a small comprimise. Come home early, show them you want them to be a part of your life. Or cut back, if that is called for. If they are not in the arts, it is difficult to understand as an outsider. It would be no different for us if their activities kept them 6+ hours probably.

The art will be there, THEY might not, which is the more important to you now? If however these ladies are insecure, clingy, etc. <shrug> that's another game. There are many who do and can understand, one would hope.

Do you want them as part of your life? Where will you spend your time?

Jeff

Captain,
This is my first post to the forum although I have read it for several months close to a year. Hello all i look forward to discussing several topics with all of you.
Captain as your wife she should understand your desires and dreams.. you in turn may need to be compromising and creative in spending time with your family.. do your children train? If not <providing they are old enough> try to get them to train.
As for her,why not give her some personal self defense courses..?to stimulate her interests. Hope that helps.
Rey

Not much help but my wife had been thinking about training for ages. She now does Goju Ryu so we both support each other

Well i dumped the old girl friend and now I have a new girl friend whos a 3rd degree in tkd and is going for her 4th next year. So I think i solved me problem, also i met her on the internet...god i love computers. I RULE!