You know you're in a small dojo when...

Posted by: Ed_Morris

You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 01:29 AM

motivated by this thread:
http://www.fightingarts.com/ubbthreads/s...e=0&fpart=1


You know you're in a small dojo when...

- you have to stand in line and wait your turn to take off your shoes.

- A scissor kick knocks out a lightbulb.

- Neighbors complain about the 'kiai-ing'.

- Bo practice is only on days that it's not raining.

- The main advertisement sign outside the dojo is a street address.

- you have to calculate mat replacement sizes using fractions.

- The 'bathroom' is a tree or dumpster.

- The change room doubles as a storage closet.

- The kamiza pictures are wallet-size.

- During stretching exercises you hear at least 5 times: "oh, sorry about that."

- You don't have enough floor space to do an entire Shotokan kata.

- 'mokuso' is interrupted by the noise of a wind gust hitting the building.

Posted by: Ives

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 05:04 AM

- Everytime you bow, you bump your head.
Posted by: oldman

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 09:47 AM

Can any of you math wizzes estimate square feet.



-You take your shoes off upstairs.

-You can change the lightbulbs with your feet.

-The main advertisement sign outside the dojo is a street address

- You practice TKD but have eliminated " flying" techniques from the curriculum.

-The only staffs allowed in the dojo are the ones god gave you. No Bo katas in my dojo.

-You have to tell the guys to "take it easy" on the jump in Pinan godan.

-You have to pee in the backyard because your teenage daughters are blowdrying their hair both bathrooms.

-You CAN actually afford to put in mats.

-You would practice outside but that would violate your "home business" license from the village.

-Since your students can only do 4 front kicks before hitting a wall, they are very good at turning.

-You have 4 students and cannot accept any more.

- The storage closet doubles as a storage closet.

- 'mokuso' is interrupted by someone changing over a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer.

BUT... The number one way you know you are in a small dojo....

- When you finish class and your wife says to ALL your students "Did you guys get dinner yet?"

Posted by: harlan

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 09:58 AM

That's not so small. Small is when you only have one step sanchin. LOL!
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 10:16 AM

You mean there's MORE than one step

Jeff
Posted by: MattJ

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 10:24 AM

* Your reverse-punch really does elbow the guy behind you.

* Half your kata end up outside.

* Putting a mirror in the room really does double it's size.
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 10:31 AM

You know you're in a small dojo when...

You're on the second floor and the right side of the room is AVOIDED like plague because the old pretty window (12 inches off the floor) shows its a long way down!

Its a small dojo when your teacher closes the door tightly to protect the identity/modesty of his lady "friend" from the night before.

You know its a small dojo when the space heater takes up the majority of the room

You know its a small dojo when the weapons are stored in the basement and the dojo is on the top floor !

You know its a small dojo when the teachers cat comes through its door and is severely annoyed you are in his sun spot.

Its a small dojo when you can identify who was there before you by the sweat stains on the mirror, or the footprints left in the flooring-padding-carpet.

Jeff
Posted by: Ironfoot

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 04:22 PM

Lining up for class is considered grappling exercise.

My first dojo's main floor was maybe 300 square feet, with 2 posts trisecting the room. They added tactical considerations when sparring.
Posted by: Ed_Morris

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 05:55 PM

about 150 sq ft? actually 149.33
Posted by: MattJ

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 08:29 PM

Quote:

Lining up for class is considered grappling exercise.





ROFL
Posted by: Ed_Morris

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/03/08 11:20 PM

hahaha

You know you're in a small dojo when...

- your dojo has wheels.

- The trophy on the shelf is from the instructor son's little league.

- dues are an honor system in a coffee can.
Posted by: BrianS

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 01:52 AM

When you walk in and can't close the door behind you.
Posted by: marmaduke

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 09:26 AM

The mens and womens locker room is the phone booth at the end of the street.
Posted by: Xaith

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 11:10 AM

-Warmups consist of moving the dining room table into the kitchen and picking up the baby's toys.

-You often hear "Master ____ says 'big space, big kata, small space, small kata.'"

-Forms are always done one student at a time.

- When practicing falls and rolls, you have to look out for the wife's piano, china hutch, and the occasional curious small child.

-When half the class doesn't show up, you get one-on-one training.

-Jumping kicks are no longer practiced on rainy days due to the infamous Ceiling Fan Incident
Posted by: harlan

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 11:14 AM



Quote:

When half the class doesn't show up, you get one-on-one training.


Posted by: JasonM

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 02:00 PM

Quote:


You know its a small dojo when the teachers cat comes through its door and is severely annoyed you are in his sun spot.





hahahaha...for real..
Posted by: Tashigae

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 06:25 PM

Quote:

-When half the class doesn't show up, you get one-on-one training.




I've actually been in that situation in my iaido class. Okay: it was really two thirds of the class who did't show up.
Posted by: karate_popo

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/04/08 06:53 PM

hey, my dojo is really small. it's in my sensei's garage.. i wouldn't go anywhere else if someone paid me.. smaller classes, you get more attention...learn more. get to know everyone in class, so you can all work together...
Posted by: Taison

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/05/08 03:11 AM

Less people to spar with.

You become to familiar with the people you learn with.

You then start develop habits which is only effective against those people.

You then apply said habits somewhere else.

Those habits starts to backfire against you.

IMO Sensei attention is over-rated.

-Taison out
Posted by: tkd_high_green

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/08/08 01:54 PM

Before class can start you have to take down the kids fort in the dojang.

The poles in the middle of the dojang are routinely used in sparring for defensive purposes.

You'd get dizzy after running just a few laps around the dojang.

You have to rent another space for testing because there isn't enough room for the family members to watch.

The only air conditioning in the summer is a small fan in one of the windows, and in the winter the heater barely gets the room above freezing, on a good night.

You don't bother moving 10 feet from the dining room to the dojang to work on new pattern. Just kick over the table!

You know you are in a Rural Small Dojang when...

The main advertisement sign outside is the name on the mailbox, yet the school is a MAJOR landmark in town.

You loose most of your students for haying and sugaring.

Laura
Posted by: JoshuaMonjin

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/09/08 02:33 AM

Only one person can swing a sword at a time, everyone else has to wait outside.

The real reason they stopped fighting when their scabbards touched each other, every time you turn or take a step.

Doing syncronized line kata you put your sword away, look down and find you had resheathed into your classmate's scabbard.

The whistling of the swords are deafening in the tiny space.
Posted by: MattJ

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/09/08 12:10 PM

Quote:

Doing syncronized line kata you put your sword away, look down and find you had resheathed into your classmate's scabbard.




LOL
Posted by: Ed_Morris

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/09/08 08:56 PM

it's a small dojo when...

- 'full contact' means your back hitting a wall.

- makiwara's are mounted on the ceiling.

- the ambient temperature of the dojo jumps up 10 degrees during the first 5 minutes of stretching.

- speed-bag is mounted on the floor.

- When your sensei tells you to 'think outside the box', it means leave and practice on your own.

- when you do pull-ups, you have a clear view of outside.

- you throw a punch and the first point of contact is your elbow.

- when judging distance for a muay thai knee-kick, you have to look up first.

- on the syllabus, is any of the following:
* "1/2-step kumite"
* "jump-kick simulation"
* "sprawl" is crossed out.
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/10/08 10:53 AM

You know you're in a small dojo when:

You have to clean up the remains of the flower arrangement class, from the month before you are able to practice.

You bow to the teacher, and you are them!

Enrollment is so low the teacher changes and nobody knew it?!

The class is so small that DINNER is suggested in place of training!

Jeff
Posted by: harlan

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/10/08 12:57 PM

You know you're in a small dojo when you're 'it' for conditioning/kote kitae

http://www.sudburymma.com/media/kotekite.wmv

sample FA.com thread
Posted by: Tashigae

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/10/08 02:15 PM

You know you're in a small dojo when:

-You bow before entering the dojo not because of etiquette but because there simply isn't enough room inside to stand upstraight.

-Horse-stance isn't an exercise but a necessity.

-In order to save space, the kamiza and the weapons-racks are just painted on the walls.

-If the dojo's walls weren't insulated, the room would be 25% bigger.

-When the sensei chose a calligraphy to adorn the kamiza, the main criterium he was concerned with was the thickness of the paper it was painted on.

-Prior to working on throws, you've been taught how to breakfall on a vertical surface.

-When doing kata, table-knives are used as training substitutes for swords.

-When doing kata, chopsticks are used as training substitutes for staves.

-There's only one place in the dojo where you can practice the kiri-otoshi cut, that's the place where a slit has been made in the ceiling for that purpose.

-For the final salute, the students and the sensei don't bow at the same time lest they would hit each other's head.

--------

Can't beat Oldman, but here's a picture of a dojo where I used to train three years ago. I think that was a pretty small dojo.

Posted by: kung_fu_eyes

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 05/11/08 08:01 AM

Overweight people are not allowed to join
Posted by: creative

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 05/11/08 01:04 PM

The three inch and one inch punch are considered long range techniques
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 05/12/08 10:02 AM

You know its a really small dojo when you can identify the previous student by the body odor they left behind...



Jeff
Posted by: student_of_life

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 05/12/08 09:11 PM

when your sparing with a friend, and his best defence against my high kicks is the puddle of sweat he left on the floor for me to slip on. nothing has ever been so embarising and funny at the same time.
Posted by: anthraxlol

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/26/08 04:47 AM

Quote:



- The storage closet doubles as a storage closet.





Hahahaha.
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/27/08 09:20 PM

-when you switch from 14 oz. uniforms to 6 oz. uniforms to save space.
-when the most frequently used command is "turn."
-you ride from the top floor to the bottom floor while sparring to practice balance. the person who isn't sparring has to hold the "door close" button.
-the only range of fighting you practice is "close quarter"
-the master conducts the class by cell phone so you have room to practice.
-the poor transfer from the WTF school was knocked out during sparring, not because someone kicked him in the head, but because he did a jump kick and hit the ceiling. just earlier he tried a flying sidekick and flew out the window.
-the master can afford to buy new mats every 2 months.
-the term "toothpick bo" is taken a little too literally.

I've wanted to post on this thread for a long time but i never thought of any until tonight.
Posted by: ThomsonsPier

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/28/08 04:35 AM

Quote:

just earlier he tried a flying sidekick and flew out the window.



This is the funniest image I've had all week.
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/28/08 04:53 PM

Quote:

Quote:

just earlier he tried a flying sidekick and flew out the window.



This is the funniest image I've had all week.




i tried really hard on those. glad that someone appreciates them.
Posted by: KickingAngel16

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/31/08 02:27 AM

-you break a mirror just from turning.
-your sparring area is only allowing you to stand and kick in one spot.
Posted by: Taison

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/31/08 10:52 AM

Judo;

- You can't help throwing someone else's uke when they bump into you during randori.

~Donnie
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/31/08 02:48 PM

Quote:

Judo;

- You can't help throwing someone else's uke when they bump into you during randori.

~Donnie




Posted by: Zach_Zinn

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/31/08 03:38 PM

Shomen is simply whatever direction people are standing in at the time, since they can't turn around.
Posted by: Taison

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/01/08 03:10 AM

- your Judo dojo is the only place which you need to make an appointment just to come and practice ukemi on Saturdays.

~Donnie
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/01/08 04:48 PM

when you actually try to get caught in a corner while being attacked on the street because that's what you're used to.

-TKD_X
Posted by: Yugen83

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/01/08 06:16 PM

...Using the environment as a weapon becomes one of your most effective strategies.
...You can't tell the difference between line drills and one-steps.
...Mokuso looks like a huddle in American Football.
...You must pull your punches because the neighbor keeps complaining about all of the loud bangs.
...The neighbor yells "keep it down" everytime that a single student does a Kiai.
...You can go to the restroom and still hear every word that sensei says while you are on the toilet.
...A head shot creates a "Three Stooges Effect" and everyone in the dojo gets hit in the head.
...The class looks like a white gi monster with multiple arms and legs flailing in every direction.
...Every sparring session is a multiple opponent scenario because you have to dodge your other classmates, too.
Posted by: TKD-Skippi

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/14/08 03:02 PM


when you have to wear your pads for practising tuls/kata
Posted by: Taison

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/18/08 02:07 PM

Judo;

- You have no problem transitioning to cage fights, since you're already used to being pushed into a wall.

~Donnie
Posted by: TKD-Skippi

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/20/08 09:21 AM

when everyone is standing on that squeaky spot on the floor...
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/20/08 09:27 PM

-A bubble in the mats suspends the whole class's training.
-Sine wave is no longer used because everyone hit their heads the first time they tried it.

-TKD_X
Posted by: TridentOne

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/24/08 04:49 PM

Restrooms? changing rooms? i wish we had those things.
Posted by: TKD-Skippi

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/25/08 06:27 PM

when you trip on the guy rope when entering.
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/26/08 04:16 PM

XMA will never happen...ever.
Posted by: Steel91

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 09/27/08 01:01 AM

when the students are sparring and one falls through the window (yes that actually happened, wasn't hurt though)
Posted by: tkd_high_green

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 10/03/08 07:29 PM

Quote:


-A bubble in the mats suspends the whole class's training.





Nah, the bubbles in the mats are "little ninja speed bumps"!

Laura
Posted by: TKD_X

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 10/04/08 04:37 PM

Your sensei decided he would draw some nice big japanese calligraphy on the dojo wall. But what you don't know is that he ran out of room and the wall actually only says "kyokush"
Posted by: martialartspeon

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 10/28/08 10:53 AM

Quote:

Its a small dojo when your teacher closes the door tightly to protect the identity/modesty of his lady "friend" from the night before.




Sounds like my kind of place!
Posted by: iaibear

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/14/09 11:30 AM

<< Can any of you math wizzes estimate square feet. >>

I came is late. Did anyone ever answer this? I figure the blue squares total @ twenty-five and a half square feet.
Posted by: iaibear

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/14/09 05:29 PM

Second guess = 266 2/3 sq ft
Posted by: karl314285

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/16/09 04:30 AM

Hi,

You know your in a small Aiki Dojo when...

*the peanut gallery's guest has to move so you may wait to be recognized and allowed on The mat when late.

*part of any tenkan technique requires you to look behind and around before the throw, oblivious to uke.

*the Master finds the office 'Occupied' and grabs some air-freshener

You know your in a small Dojo when

*sparring, the corner judges are in the corners of the room and you know the Ring Master had an Italian sub before class.

*new students, after learning how/when and where to bow also learn that the first student gets to wear The Gi Top, second gets The Gi pant and last must wash them at home.

*the yellow pages charge per letter and that is how the school was named "The Doj"

*the 16 oz gloves leave a lasting stench on your hands that only Acetone can remove

-Karl. I Love all the posts, can they be compiled into one form to copy and print???
Posted by: Ed_Morris

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/22/09 12:47 AM

I guessed wrong on the first page. each square is 7.1 sq feet. There are about 53 squares, so thats about 377 sq feet of total space.

but just the blue squares would be about 248 sq feet.
Posted by: karl314285

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 04/28/09 05:06 PM

You know your in a small dojo (and up too late) when...

Your ex wants you out the house and you are on the third floor of the cheapest motel polishing your boots and 3 dudes each of different ethnicity to the point where no one understands anything except rude hand gestures and you watch till the railing starts to buckle as they are intent on a 'Bambi' Motel version of MMA but either dont know MA or are too stoned to realize the dude in socks who breaks med size's bad choke on sparkplug and drops him on the ground then breaks tall skinny's (yes he did this) Ryote dori on sparkplug who then rudely swings at little ol me like those old plastic boxing person thumb controlled games and has to eat 6 sq foot of 3 story bad motel just so I dont have to try to do three person CPR...and the dojo is so small they realize what almost happened cause when they all get up they can all see the distant tarmac...sad but true...never seen 3 dudes splattered from at least 30 ft..."if I had a video cam tho.....HUMMM"

-Karl. Uh, avoid cheap motels and a spit polish @ 3am.
Posted by: Brusashi

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 08/12/10 04:30 PM

You know you're in a small dojo when:

you hit the wall with your elbow when you chamber a punch.

you hit your head on the ceiling when you try to execute a jump kick.

you stand shoulder to shoulder with classmates while in horse stance practicing your basics.

you end up playing footsie with someone while doing V-sits.
Posted by: AnnabelleR

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 11/29/10 08:07 AM

You know you're in a small dojo when The only staffs allowed in the dojo are the ones god gave you. No Bo katas in my dojo.
Posted by: Mark Jordan

Re: You know you're in a small dojo when... - 11/30/10 12:31 AM


You know you are in a small dojo when:

* adding mirrors only reflect additional people (instead of space) in the room.

* have eliminated scissor kicking in your curriculum

* you bump your head everytime you bow

* you have to use the bathroom of the nearest fastfood resto

* you can't do the entire Shotokan kata