My Girlfriend/dojo tale

Posted by: Salek

My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 12:52 AM

So I decided to bring my ex(when she wasnt an ex) to a class... she would just sit in the seats and watch... well she decided to stand, lean against the wall, and cross her arms... MAJOR disrespect towards my sensei... Luckily he thought it was humorous seeing my obvious embarassment, and just asked her to have a seat...

I never brought her back, too distracting... Any one else have similar tales?
Posted by: Dereck

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 01:18 AM

No but when new people start they will lean on the walls or bend over or put hands on hips or cross their arms. Our Instructor will point this out or others in class if catch it before he does they will point it out. I was even reminded by a black belt twice and made a conscious effort to not do it again.

Very few watch our classes but if they do then they watch from 4 windows along a wall outside of the training area. This way they are not a distraction nor can they be heard. When testing people are allowed in the back of the dojo but their mannerisms are never an issue. Unless you are being trained then those that are not do not have to follow any rules.
Posted by: BrianS

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 01:56 AM

Quote:

Unless you are being trained then those that are not do not have to follow any rules.




Exactly. The instructor shouldn't pay attention to those looking in unless they are disrupting the class,if so they can be asked to leave.
Posted by: Ronin1966

My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 10:53 AM

Hello Salek:

<<well she decided to stand, lean against the wall, and cross her arms... MAJOR disrespect towards my sensei...

Help flesh this out a little bit... where is this "disrespect" in her actions? If she had walked across the training floor and then done as you described, ok... if she had been disruptive in your instructors class... I would understand the issue.

How is leaning/crossing-arms by an adult "disrespectful":( in any way? (I can only imagine what might happen if she had the affrontery <sp.?> to I don't know... YAWN, or pass wind while a spectator, if "standing" is considered so offensive)


J
Posted by: harlan

Distractions in the dojo - 01/23/06 11:25 AM

I have found it distracting to have any family members around while training. For me, I find it necessary, and desirable, to leave my personal life at the door. I know that my life will be picked up when I leave, but while at the dojo I am mentally completed focused on training. In the beginning, I had no choice but to bring along my kids, but eventually I put down my foot (so to speak) and insisted that this was 'my time'.
Posted by: Kysogkram

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 11:36 AM

Well, its body language really. Leaning against a wall and crossing your arms, you're basically showing a lack of interest and openness toward what's going on.

If you're allowed to spectate a class, it's because you're interested in what's going on, and as such you should ideally pay as much attention to what's going as anyone participating in the class.

If you're spectating a class at my dojo, you're expected to sit properly (without leaning on anything) and at least look like you're interested .

On the yawn thing, at my dojo, at least while participating in class, yawning will cost you 20 pushups (on the knuckles, as will being late and a host of other things).
Posted by: JasonM

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 11:54 AM

I disagree with the body language as showing a lack of interest. Becuase I cross my arms and will still be interested in what I am watching. I think the girlfriend is not prone to the customs of a traditional dojo. If I remember correctly, the reasoning for not leaning on the walls is because the walls in japan are made out of rice paper and so the leaning was to reflect trainin in Japan. We are in the US and not Japan. I am playing devils advocate here. I would never lean on the walls, but that is how I was taught. If I saw my kids or wife leaning on the walls, I would correct them. Again, in America it is quite custom to lean on something.
Posted by: harlan

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 12:01 PM

Is this post about:

-distractions
-forcing your interests on family members
-embarrassment
-dojo etiquette for visitors

??
Posted by: QuietGal

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 12:26 PM

MrMoyer: You're crazy enough to "correct" your wife??? I just find that funny (but then again, I'm at work and about ready to have a nervous break down because of paperwork, a neurotic co-worker, and lack of sleep - so why am I on line??? ).

Anyways...without more information, or more importantly, seeing the girlfriend's actions myself, its hard to judge whether or not it was disrespectful. That said, it doesn't seem all that bad to me. Does the sensei have a problem with women? Was the wall freshly painted? Was the girlfriend in the way of training? I question why the guy jumped all over this "bad" behavior.
Posted by: JasonM

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 12:30 PM

lmao..U bring up a good point. Honestly, MA is the only thing I am so passionate about. The wife even says she wished I would get that passionate about her..
Posted by: Kysogkram

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 02:00 PM

You do make a very good point about the walls

However I'm gonna maintain that the way her behaviour was described, it would to me, clearly indicate a lack of interest and openness.

I'm well aware that you can cross your arms and not be defensive, and there are exceptions to any rule. Eg. you can cross your arms, lean forward and have an interested look on your face. However I can't recall seeing anyone leaning back with crossed arms while they were endlessly excited because of what was being presented to them.

Of course I cannot know for sure what her intention was, but I feel pretty certain that most people who saw her, would be led to the same conclusion as I.

harlan: I guess the topic of the thread is for people to tell stories of their significant other embarassing them at the dojo. However since there doesn't seem to be that many stories we're instead discussing the story I guess
Posted by: Dudley32

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 04:10 PM

I noticed something as I read your Post... The word ex. Could this whole post be some way of getting back at your previous girlfriend some way? Making her sound like a complete idiot by leaning on a wall? Not to mention on a PUBLIC chat site.

I think this whole topic is silly. She obviously did not know the rules, how could she? To go and make a post about it on a public chat room I think is foolish and immature.

Matt
Posted by: Mu Ryuk

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/23/06 09:13 PM

Quote:

I noticed something as I read your Post... The word ex. Could this whole post be some way of getting back at your previous girlfriend some way? Making her sound like a complete idiot by leaning on a wall? Not to mention on a PUBLIC chat site.

I think this whole topic is silly. She obviously did not know the rules, how could she? To go and make a post about it on a public chat room I think is foolish and immature.

Matt




Hey, come on now...let's not get personal or turn this into a debate about someone's previous relationships. That's unneccessary and, honestly, a bit rude. You don't even know the guy, do you?

If she was there to watch the class out of personal interest...well, I still think it's okay for her to lean on a wall and/or cross her arms. I'll sit/kneel when my instructor is talking during Escrima, and lean or cross my arms during BJJ. In Tang Soo Do I don't, as it's more traditional, but I'm PART of the class. If she was just there with you...whatever. I've brought my girl along to classes before, she's done homework and even napped on the couch. It's not a big deal, she's not part of the class, she was just with me at the time.
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/24/06 08:52 AM

Hello Kysogrham:

<<Well, its body language really.

That would be an interesting interpretation of ~body language~. I respectfully submit, there are many other equaly viable "interpretations" to such <si> "forbidden" acts of yawning, crossing arms, leaning.... but to each their own I suppose....

<<If you're allowed to spectate a class

Please explain ANY validity of preventing same??? (Your word choice "allowed" alarms me frankly...)

<<If you're spectating a class at my dojo, you're expected to sit properly

Ok, and are visitors given some kind of a sheet? Are signs posted re: what "proper" ~observation behavior~ is supposed to be???

<<yawning will cost you 20 pushups

How sad...

<<as will being late and a host of other things)

I do not mean to ~hijack~ the topic, so I will be gentle here... how do such odd ~punishments~ (IMV) get justified??? Habitually being late, or sufficently late that pushups are the substitute for whatever serves as your normal warmup ritual I suppose I comprehend to a minor degree... (sic. if I must) ! What are some of the other offenses & their consequences? Help me understand the reasoning, the thought process why such militancy has a purpose for participants or in this case spectators?

It is a line of "thinking" which... is obscenely difficult to understand...

J
Posted by: trevek

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/24/06 10:30 AM

Quote:

Again, in America it is quite custom to lean on something.




All together now!

"Lean on me, when you're not strong... I'll be your strength, I'll help you carry on...."

I think the only time I brought a visitor to class was when my girlfriend came from london. She sat and watched happily. Perhaps the only thing was it turned out she and one other student (who is gay) were discussing how nice my body looked while I was changed.

How could I complain!?
Posted by: QuietGal

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/24/06 01:01 PM

It has been mentioned about the rules of the dojo...how a person is to sit, listen, whatever. Do these rules apply to just the students or do they include spectators/visitors who are just watching? And is this known to all? Are they posted or clearly spelt out to everyone once they walk through the door?
The arms crossed could be considered to be somewhat hostile. I sit or stand alot with my arms crossed when listening and talking to others, but I don't have any hostile intents while doing so (generally). I think one has to take in to account the look on their face, how they are standing, surroundings, and personal comfort before they should assume that how someone had their arms crossed is being hostile.
Posted by: Eveal

Re: My Girlfriend/dojo tale - 01/25/06 11:44 AM

Quote:

So I decided to bring my ex(when she wasnt an ex) to a class... she would just sit in the seats and watch... well she decided to stand, lean against the wall, and cross her arms... MAJOR disrespect towards my sensei... Luckily he thought it was humorous seeing my obvious embarassment, and just asked her to have a seat...

I never brought her back, too distracting... Any one else have similar tales?




Keep personal life out of your karate class if its going to disrupt and hender others from training. Also, your teacher has no right to say anything to someone not on the mat training unless they are causing a problem.