Over the top...

I kicked Oldmans A$$...Twice!!!

Top that!

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Well, you did say outrageous claims didn't you?!

Well, I'm a gynocologist and I got my Shodan and my M.D. At The University of Cameroon.

knock it off.

back on topic: give us your true, but too good to be not false tale.

I am the epitome of perfect.

My armpits sweat during training.

I am what my village calls, The Chosen Child of Light. I was never really "born," but I simply came down one night from the sky, and landed gracefully and all prophetic-like with a shuriken in one hand and a ninja sword in another, and promptly began to practice the "Ultra Secret Super Ancient Big Time Stuff" kata, while the stars aligned above me to form a picture of Bruce Lee. I am divine.

I was promptly taken to a nearby Shaolin Temple to be taught by a man named Shin (may he live forever!). Super Amazing Eternal Grand Master Poobah Shin (may he live forever!) soon taught me all the great secrets of martial arts, and I quickly began to develop my flying and chi-ball forming abilities, and I also learned and mastered a new way to defeat my enemies: Flex-Fu. I simply flex, and they go flying! Super Amazing Eternal Grandmaster Poobah Shin (may he live forever!) declared me a master, and I was sent off to find the Sacred Scroll of Something Important, which was hidden deep in the mountains of someplace so secret and dangerous, I cannot tell you, because what if you, who are not a Child of Light, try to go there? No. I refrain. Only I who am Chosen could have gone, and I needed to go to save my village from the looming Darkness that was coming to destroy my village.

Needless to say, I found the Scared Scroll of Something Important, and saved the village. Shortly thereafter I moved to America. I opened up "Kim Kwon's Sacred Fists!" (my school) in a nearby strip center, and I am proud to say that the vast majority of my students are black belts after training for just 3 weeks! (I suppose it's all due to my Scared Teaching). YOU can join too, if you sign this 30-year contract and pay an up-front fee of $50,000! To be taught by a master with a background like mine, this is a bargain!

I guess some of you could try to top that, but since no one else is is probably divine like me, I think it'll be difficult. Good luck, mortals.

I'm getting the impression that some of you are exagerating a bit here. Remember, there can only be one.

And that's me.

Did I mention that I am not subject to the laws of physics?

Well you guys, like this one time, this dude in the office was walking round with a pen in his pocket, and it like, didn’t have a lid on it (seriously).

And I was like, well, you should put a lid on it. And he said I should put a lid on it. So I went to stationary and got the guy a lid for his pen.

He said that like, that wasn't what he meant, he meant I should just shut up.

Basically this is a martial arts story because like, I went to this seminar at a weekend, and the guy who ran it like, use to be in the army (Salvation, I think he said) and he said he had developed, like this ultimate combat system.

So like although I only have had, like, a weekend of training (well, it was really a day, cause the instructor guy caught a mild cold and couldn't teach the second day) I consider myself, like, a martial artist.

My martial arts training stopped the insult the guy in the office threw at me penetrating my mind. It was definitely my MA training... it's not that I am like, slow...