Anyone else ever feel this way?

This past Sunday I competed in the RGDA internationals in NJ. After cooling my heels for about 4 hours before I actually got to compete, I get on the mat and end up getting tapped within the first minute ( arm bar) after the time I had been spending on the mat training and going and participating in tournaments, it seems like it's back to the drawing board. Now I don't mind losing, but losing that badly bothers me, it made me feel totally frustrated and depressed, thinking that by now I should have done so much better. I don't think i am that bad but I felt like a fool
Anybody else that can relate

Ah, that sucks dude! Well, you know that people have good days and bad days. I wouldn't look at it so much as "back to the drawing board" as just another step on the road. One loss at a tournament doesn't invalidate all the hard work you have done to this point.

It just feels like it, LOL.

The best thing to do is use this as a way to learn from the experience. Remember my "walls of wisdom?" There are no defeats only lessons. Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you.
Ken

Very true Ken, yes I remember that

Read Josh Waitzkins "The Art of Learning". It's a great book. Josh was a Chess grandmaster, a successful Taiji Push Hands player and is now working on BJJ.

His book details his life and his learning process, and how he refined learning in to an art.

One of the big things he repeats is "Investing in loss". He recounted a tale of a big strong guy in Taiji PH class who would throw him round like a rag doll. The guy had studied Aikido and Taiji for nearly a decade and was very strong.

Bit by bit, Josh dissected each session. Seeing where things went wrong, what worked, what didn't, how he responed before and after training to sparring with the big guy. After many months and a lot of study in between, he finally started beating the guy regularly. After being on the losing end a few times, the big guy didn't want to play Push Hands anymore.

The lesson here is that each time you spar/play, in whatever context, it is better to focus on process rather than results. Josh kept going to this guy because Josh's goal was learning. Winning or losing wasn't even on his radar. As for the big guy, he didn't care about learning. He simply wanted to "win". When he stopped "winning", he quit. Says it all really.

Our society is almost entirely results driven. "Get good grades in school" we're told. We're never told "Go learn as much as you can in school". We have a perverse view that results are all that matters.

You have to break that mentality totally to grow.

Another thing you mentioned was the delay. Again, going back to the book "The Art of learning", Josh mentioned a similar thing. While doing Push Hands tourneys, he would often be left waiting for a long time for his match to start, or some sneaky organizers would move his match forward (to give their guy home advantage). He refined a process of learning to get "in the zone" very quickly. He had routine that would prepare him physically and psychologically for what he was about to do. When he first started this, it took him a long time to complete. Eventually he refined it down to a few minutes.

For example:

i) You listen to some music that gets you in the zone.
ii) Do some yoga/strecthing
iii) Meditate for a short time.
iv) Do some break falls.

Such a routine can be a bridge between your current state and your state of readiness. Your mind responses to this ritual, it associates those acts in that order with you getting ready to perform.

Sounds to me like you were, from a mental point of view, "caught cold". Believe me I know that delays can unsettle you, and it can effect your focus.

In conclusion, I recommend "The Art of Learning" lol!! Also try and focus on making the process the goal, not the result. When you do, results don't matter so much. Study everything about the day in question, not just on the mat but the lead up to the match, how you responded, how you trained, everything. MAKE THE PROCESS THE GOAL.

Excellent quote, PW! Every martial artist should have this tattooed on themselves somewhere.

PW, that was an awesome post. Thank you.

PW's post is indeed excellent! However, though I agree that the "Learning from your mistakes" aspect is very important, the "Results" aspect is indeed what Mr. Waitzkin's HAS to be looking for! Not so much as to "Win" but to change the outcome thru his learning. You know what they say the definition of insanity is: Doing the samething over and over and expecting a different result. Just as winning may not be everything, experience is indeed the best teacher!

VDJ

Eventually everyone loses. The goal is to understand why you lost, then to grow from that. A loss is the best Sensei.

Excellent point

There are no defeats only lessons. -So true!

Let me rephrase...

There are lessons in defeats.