Beaten by a girl

Hello,

a girl and I know each other for about 2 weeks. We met thru mutual friends. Today I’m 19 and she’s 17 by the way. She is kickboing 3 times a week since she was 10.


For awhile now our competitive side came out in our “boardgame nights.” This consisted of her mentally kicking my butt in simpsons trivia, scrabble, boggle, scattergories, checkers, and many others. I don’t know if I’m just that bad or she’s just that good, but as time has gone by her boardgame domination has gotten more lopsided. Posted Image




After a recent boardgame whuppping, she brought up that I might have to conceed her mental superiority. I told her I might be willing to conceed that if she admits that being a guy makes me the physical boss of the relationship. She paused for a moment and then joked that since shes been taking kickboxing she might surprise me! I laughed out loud at the thought of her being too physical because (although im not an athlete or kickboxer) I’m 5’10 and 193 lb while she’s a total “girlie girl” and 5’5 and 127 lb!

Neither of us would budge and we finally agreed to a “friendly match” to find out. Well our match was yesterday.

Slowly we started to box and I found myself getting bopped left and right. None of her blows seemed to really hurt but they add up. I began back peddling for defense and found myself tripping over the garden hose and down I went. She just had this smirk on her face as she asked me if I was ok and if we should stop. i just had to admit I lost to her. Of course stubbornness wouldn’t allow me to give up. She told me if I dont give up shes gonna show me what she really can do. So we squared off again and a couple minutes later she began to get better of it again. She kicked and punched me so I finally just could ask her to stop. She started as stupid dance and I had about a thousend time to admit she defeded me. And she’s had a permanent giggle!

But I find myself thinking… Am I just a wimp?? She is just a girl!!!! Does training really make that much of a difference? Or has someone heard of an equally embarrasing moment which could make me feel better about all this?

First welcome to the forums. Second, good grief. I'm going to repeat your story in another way to see if it makes any more sense to you:

"I've never done any martial arts training before. I got in to a friendly match with someone who's been doing martial arts for 7 years. They beat me. Why I'm surprised at this, I don't know"

Hopefully your "beating" will get you out of this chauvinistic attitude that because me Tarzan, me beat Jane. A lot of men like to think that just because they were born with a wang means a) they know how to fight without any training b) they are vastly physically stronger than woman even if they don't have any training. I've trained in Olympic Weightlifting and Martial arts and I've met women who could a) lift more than me b) beat the crap out of me.

Honestly dude the reason many men think that they are automatically better at fighitng/are stronger than women is because of some antiquated notion that men are suppose to "protect" women, and women in turn are suppose to be "grateful" to men for this protection. Sounds like your beat down was gave you a much needed welcome to the 21st century buddy boy.

Don't look at a person's gender when deciding their skill. Look at how long and how well they have trained.

Even an old broken down semi-redneck from the past can see that you made some mistakes here. I used to think the way you explained in your post. Sometimes those attitudes come up again but I work to get rid of them.
Physical strength isn't the sole determiner of who wins the confrontation.The assumption that the "girly girl" is to be dominated just by virtue of your male gender is silly.If you don't believe me, let me introduce you to my very first martial arts instructor. She wasn't imposing whatsoever but....lookout.


Mark

Hmm, well I don't know what your setup was for the "sparring"..but any 130lb woman who can smack around a guy your size like that knows a thing or two.

Instead of being upset that you lost, maybe you could ask her to teach you something? It sounds like you get on well with her, maybe this can be a turning point in your relationship, she's already taught you one lesson!

Man, you are not only a whimp (you had asked), but you are a chauvinistic one. Sorry

You should have not "fought" her "game"

In other words, she had the striking advantage.

You should have rushed in, grabbed her, wrestled or threw her to the ground, and pinned her.

Stop crying here and take up a grappling martial art IMHO

Back in the day, she would have figured out she could clean you clock and backed off a bit. Men's egos can be very fragile.
But as you said she is 17. It shows.

I also dont like what she has done after the fight. I felt really humaliated. And b**** is telling lies. She claims that I begged her for mercy! What a b****!!!

I think you're taking this far too hard. If it were me I'd see the funny side of it, in the sense that if I'd no training I actually entertained the notion I'd beat someone who had training.

Here's the deal: Despite the fact we live in the 21st century, society still expects women to conform to certain standards. Just because women have the potential to bear children, society still expects them to be care givers and always have a nurturing nature and put themselves second. This is of course absurd, but sadly I still see it all the time.

When a woman doesn't put herself second, or doesn't display a constant nurturing nature, then she get's called a "B****". If a male friend with 7 years of kickboxing experience who was smaller than your had given you the same beat down and was telling people afterwards you were begging for mercy, I'll bet a) you wouldn't be as annoyed b) you wouldn't be calling him names.

Just because it was a young woman who happened to do it, and she didn't conform to what a woman is "suppose" to do (care about your feelings, let you think she needs you to protect her) to start calling her names. I hope you realize how grossly unfair and potentially harmful this is.

Personally I think it would be great to have a girlfriend who could take care of herself and was interested in martial arts. Instead of sulking that she doesn't pamper to your every emotional need every second of the day, why don't you laugh it off, ask your girlfriend to show you some stuff or take you to a class. It could be something you do together and both enjoy.

First off taking the letters out of a word and filling it in with asterisks doesn't spell the word but everyone still knows what you said=so it's still swearing. Grow up, watch your language, treat women with respect and when you are "beaten" by another human being-regardless of gender-instead of whining add it to the "I learned something" file.

Duane

PS-take up a grappling MA so you can take on your girlfriend...seriously!

Do me a favor:

In a little over ten years, when you turn thirty, come back and re-read your post. Then send me an email, and let me know how hard you cringed.

My instructor is female, a 13 time National Champion & 3 time world champion and an olympic team trial participant (lost spot due to injury). Her domination came from when early in her training there were not as many female competitors and had to fight in the mens division of the same weight class AND WON! She's also a retired NYS Trooper who trained cadets at the academy in self defense! Stop your crying and name calling and MAN UP !

VDJ

I liked the first part.

I suggested the second in a previous post

Sorry guys I'm lost here...why does he need to take a grappling art so he can "beat" his girlfriend?? Why does he need to "beat" his girlfriend? Isn't this the same sort of mentality as the OP is displaying i.e. a man should be able to "beat" a woman, even in a play fight????

Why not go with his girlfriend to kickboxing classes. As I said it might help the relationship. Sure there will be a huge experience gap between the OP and girlfriend, but as I said it's maybe something to bond over. Or if he wants to go to a grappling class, he could ask his girlfriend to go with him.

I'm slightly dubious of anyone who does something in a relationship just so they can have an "advantage" over their partner.

Maybe I've picked you guys up wrong though.

I don't think the posters feelings are quite as black and white as male chauvanism.

Clearly the post author is feeling worthless due to being bested both physically and mentally. No one likes to feel they have nothing to offer, and when the person who makes you feel like that is younger (less experienced of life) and smaller (so should be weaker) it has to make you wonder what you are good for.

And in all honesty the 90's are long over. I hear far more women complaining of soft unmanly men than of chauvanists (see the song: You should be stronger than me, Amy Winehouse).

If he is neither the brains nor the braun of the operation, what does that make him? Perhaps wanting to dominate a female partner is wrong, but is it right then to feel dominated in your relationship? Balance is the key to all things and clearly the balance has been lost here.

Furthermore no one likes a braggart. That the girl saw the need to gloat and exagerate her victory is bad form (a sign of her youth) and will obviously cause bad feeling in combination with the feelings of worthlessness. That's no reason to name call, but lets not make him feel worse by pretending that not being ok with this situation is yet another failing.

Men are the inately stronger sex. Men's social and psychological positions are derived from this truth (among others). While women can equal and best men in traditionally male areas, it is not the norm and just as a woman learning to do this should not be looked down on, nor should a man/woman who follows a more traditional viewpoint.

The first mistake the author made was to confuse fighting skill with strength. If you want to feel better about yourself, challenge her to a bench pressing contest or an arm wrestle. Unless she is super fit your maleness should be able to best her.

The next thing you should do is follow both the earlier suggestions and learn how to fight.

Swallow your pride and learn kick boxing from this girl, she sounds good and it would be a good way to expand your friendship. Plus it will force you to learn and exercise some of the humility you clearly lack and re-inforce the life lessons this episode should have taught you (namely making assumptions based on gender, over confidence when you clearly have no basis for it and that dedicating time and effort to training/studying something will reap rewards not known by those - like you - who haven't put the work in).

Secondly make use of a healthy competitive spirit you two seem to share in order to better yourself. Take BJJ or wrestling and use it to take advantage of your size difference and win the next match (so long as it is a good few months/years away). That will help to rebuild your confidence and give you the opporfunity to show her how a grown up wins without needing to rub the losers nose in it. Victories don't have to be about domination, but rather they are a sign that you have recognised a challenge and put the work in to improve yourself and overcome it. This idea is at the core of martial arts training.

Lastly, the loss you should be mourning the most is the endless mental trouncing by a 17 year old. For every training session you take on commit to reading one book and win at a board game.

As a girl with many years MA experience I do find a lot of guys are suprised when you can "beat" them.

Generally I find them in class - being cocky and trying something either they don't quite know yet, or that they think is an ultimate move which will smash your defences... then stand there with a gob-smacked look on their face when it doesn't work against a higher graded student who spends as many hours as they can training... Mostly they throw them in during specific drills trying to catch you out... Lots of guys try for take downs or choke holds too, which given my other training tends to go as badly.

After you knock it out of them they tend to lose a lot of the chauvinism and get back to learning.

Sure she was mean to gloat afterwards - but think about it, you've said yourself that you laughed out loud to her face when she suggested she might beat you, perhaps you should have thought about that.

I agree with what's been said, go and train with her - be very careful about taking grappling lessons, if she's done 7 years of kickboxing and you do a few months of grappling lessons you could go for a take down only to find a knee where your face is. She will have a feel for movement within a combat art - you'll need a lot of training to make sure your take downs are executed safely. And if she gets the idea that you're doing grappling work to expressly beat her, she might also take lessons then have a standup game and a ground game - BJJ for instance isn't about strength, I've taken on people much bigger and stronger than myself and come out on top...

Train with her, learn from her and you'll enjoy yourself, then be competitive later on - but do it with humility and you'll enjoy yourself more.

I like this part:

"I've never done any martial arts training before. I got in to a friendly match with someone who's been doing martial arts for 7 years. They beat me. Why I'm surprised at this, I don't know"

Chauvinistic men are usually those who are not sure of themselves and need constant artificial proof that they are superior. I suggest you train in martial arts first before doing a match with someone who's into martial arts for years. You're lucky it was just a friendly match.

Hope this experience humbles you a bit.

If O/P thihks he has been pwnd by a girl now, just wait till he's married lol

Had a smaller but more experienced male fighter beaten you, would you feel this humiliated? I doubt it. Put the aside idea that men are always physically superior to women. That's just ingrained sexist rubbish. Reality is much more complicated.

The supposed physical superiority of men over women is much more pronounced at the extreme ends of the spectrum than in the middle ranges. Yes, the strongest man will always be stronger than the strongest woman, the fastest man faster than the fastest women, etc. But in the middle ranges of ability, the picture is more mixed. Did you know the fastest women's times in the 2008 Boston marathon exceeded ALL the fastest men's times prior to 1992? The difference between male and female athletic abilities has much more to do with training, and less to do with innate ability, than is commonly believed. Consider what happened to you a learning experience.

Cord, I think you just summed it all up!

Yes, you are a wimp. Now go get some training. Seems you have a trainer already availiable!