Dysfunctional though we be...

Posted by: RazorFoot

Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 01:28 PM

we are still a family on here. I am talking to all the long time posters who have built a rapport with one another here. We may not always agree with one another (thank goodness, that would make for a boring forum) but we still almost always show respect and concern for one another. I would like to see that trend continue indefinitely.


My communication style, sarcasm, and general demeanor are not always a big hit with everyone (especially on touchy threads where I use it to balance my shock and awe, sorry Ed) but I am open and honest with my opinion and that is the best I can offer or expect from anyone else.


All I am asking is that even when we have difficulty dealing with one another, can we all still remember that we are, indeed, a family here?



Thank you.

I'm done now. Sorry for the interruption. Please return to your regularly scheduled discussions.

Scottie
Posted by: Leo_E_49

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 04:00 PM

Well I like to think that people can be different and have different opinions and still get along. More often than not on this forum, I find that people can agree to disagree on issues. I suppose that's one reason why I'm still posting here.
Posted by: hedkikr

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 04:21 PM

This topic (or something similar) came up a long time ago. At that time, I commented that I don't see this forum as a "family" (to use your term). I consider FA to be a virtual meeting place where individuals of various styles, experiences, ages & convictions can meet, question & discuss in a non-threatening atmosphere.

A number have become friends (either close or casual) but I can't see it being called a "family". Most folks don't know a thing about the other except what's revealed & that's always not reliable.

I've come for advice & answers as well as used FA as a sounding board (& for that, I'm grateful). I've angered & been angry, admired & ridiculed, given & taken. I accept that you consider FA as a family but sorry (& no disrespect), a real family is much more than a forum.
Posted by: Leo_E_49

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 04:27 PM

Suppose it depends on how you define "family". In many cultures, friends and even acquaintances become "family" within a very short period of time indeed. They'll be sat down at the dinner table and are welcomed as a member of the family very quickly. In other cultures, "family" is only blood relatives whom you live with all the time, even extended family may be treated as strangers and the best of friends are kept at arms length be it by tradition or simply because of the nature of the society. The meaning of the concept of "family" to you can be completely different to the meaning of "family" somewhere else and neither definition is inherently wrong in its context, they are simply different. Many people may well view this forum as a family, as much as many other people may not.
Posted by: JasonM

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 04:37 PM

Quote:



A number have become friends (either close or casual) but I can't see it being called a "family". Most folks don't know a thing about the other except what's revealed & that's always not reliable.





lol..That can be said about a "real family" too.

Ya know, one thing I believe is that it takes a villiage! What I mean is that in my neighborhood I would have no problems with my neighbors correcting one of my kids if they seen them doing wrong.

I think this can be applied to our FA forum. If we see a newbie, or anyone being mislead or not given the correct information we will guide them or supply them with the knowledge to make the right decision.

By definition, I think we are a family...

fam•i•ly - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -lies, adjective
–noun
1. parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
3. the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.
7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.
8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.
9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.
10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.
Posted by: hedkikr

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 05:02 PM

I understand...it's also funny that in our internet society, definitions change. People on My Space have contacts that are considered "Friends" & people indulge in internet romances & call it "Love". I just think that the bar has been lowered due to anonimity...we can represent ourselves w/o flaws. There's a certain safety/comfort zone behind the keyboard & monitor.

Don't get me wrong...I'm glad it's here for me.
Posted by: Leo_E_49

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 05:14 PM

Equally as interesting is that many people choose to cast off that anonymity and tell the truth about themselves on the internet; often there's no other place where people can relate to them.

Sometimes that online friendship becomes real and a love found on the internet can become just as deep as one found in the concrete jungles in which many of us live. If the statement that no man is an island is true; perhaps in a place where people are forced impersonally into one another's vicinity, such as a city, some people can only find their relationships with other people online, where there is the space and comfort that many of us who haven't grown up in cities often take for granted.

It's strange how the world is today, I agree; but people remain human despite this, with the same needs for comfort, community and love that they have always needed, regardless of whether these needs are fulfilled online or face to face.

Of course, there are other cases where people abuse the system, but I like to think that is not always the case.
Posted by: Dereck

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 06:08 PM

I don't know if we are a family per say but I would welcome many of you into my home without question. Many here I have grown genuine friendships with and have shared more then what is written here, and they in turn have shared with me. From these conversations I have given and received more of an insight into their lives as well as mine thus creating a larger bond. I am usually a good judge of character and after being on here for quite some time, I think if somebody was trying to pull the wool over my eyes I would have seen through it by now. For those, and you know who you are, my door is always open to you.
Posted by: JKogas

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 09:14 PM

I don't know WHAT we have. Family?? I've seen worse. Insane Asylum? That is a definite.


-John
Posted by: BrianS

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 11:17 PM

I'm with ya Scottie. There are a lot of posters on here I consider my virtual friends.

My family is really messed up so I wouldn't compare you to them,lol.
Posted by: Kimo2007

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/10/07 11:53 PM

If this is a family where who is the boozed up uncle with the 19 year old wife?

Or the hot cousin, or better yet, if we made this site into a movie who would play you?
Posted by: ButterflyPalm

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 01:22 AM

The word 'family' comes from the word 'familiar' or maybe it's the other way round.

So let's give it as wide a definition as possible, because a narrow definition pre-supposes too many pre-conditions, and, unless proven otherwise, I would say we are all a member of the human family, and if anyone here wish to make any exception of any member, then please keep it to yourself because frankly no one else is interested.
Posted by: MattJ

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 11:36 AM

Quote:

I'm with ya Scottie. There are a lot of posters on here I consider my virtual friends.

My family is really messed up so I wouldn't compare you to them,lol.



Ditto.
Posted by: hedkikr

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 12:08 PM

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not criticizing or down-playing anyone's relationship here @ FA but because of my occupation, I see this all the time (people mistaking on-line relationships for something else).

Quote:

...that many people choose to cast off that anonymity and tell the truth about themselves on the internet; often there's no other place where people can relate to them.



This only emphasizes my point - that people utilize the electronic format because they haven't been comfortable w/ or haven't been able to establish meaningful relationships person-to-person. There is still a lack of intimacy - it's still "virtual (not real) intimacy".

I'm not referring specifically to this crowd because I joined & continue to return because of the variety of opinions, new information & laughs I get here.

I've met (in person) 4 members w/ whom I've shared beliefs (& disagreed w/ as well) & all are fine upstanding MA-ists. In fact, I had a mini-training w/ one member this past Sun. But prior to meeting & training w/ both, they were only fellow key-board enthusiasts.

Quote:

Sometimes that online friendship becomes real and a love found on the internet can become just as deep as one found in the concrete jungles in which many of us live.



(my account above is evidence of this) I see this as a great meeting place & plan to stay. Not because I don't have other MA friends but because all of you are accessable 24/7 & come from a variety of backgrounds (not a karate-only crowd). There are also a few more of you I hope to meet & get to know in the future (if travel plans permit).

I like to think of this "place" as a get-together where you may eventually find someone who may become "family". But I, for one, am not ready to include everyone here as family (no dispespect).
Posted by: JasonM

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 12:25 PM

Quote:



This only emphasizes my point - that people utilize the electronic format because they haven't been comfortable w/ or haven't been able to establish meaningful relationships person-to-person. There is still a lack of intimacy - it's still "virtual (not real) intimacy".





I don’t agree with this comment. I don’t think everyone has intimacy issues if they find love online. I am a good example of this. I am outgoing, capable of talking to and meeting people whether it is a male friend or female companion.

I met my wife in a yahoo chat room (online). One, it was convenient and the chat room was better than going out. Because of my preference there wasn’t a place that accommodated my wife and me. Well, there probably was, but as a single father, I couldn’t just go out and meet women. My preference was interracial and you just don’t find those types of clubs, place on every block.
Posted by: Leo_E_49

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 02:25 PM

Quote:

This only emphasizes my point - that people utilize the electronic format because they haven't been comfortable w/ or haven't been able to establish meaningful relationships person-to-person. There is still a lack of intimacy - it's still "virtual (not real) intimacy".



I think you misunderstand me, when I talk of online love, I refer to relationships starting online and developing in a face-to-face environment. It's definitely happened before, and this doesn't mean that these people don't function in society, it's simply that they found someone who they are interested in online. The fact that they can develop a relationship, which lasts in a face-to-face meeting is proof that they are functionally capable of intimacy.

I think of it as no different from pen-pals falling in love, meeting one another and ultimately marrying. This is no new phenomenon.
Posted by: hedkikr

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 03:53 PM

I didn't mean to imply that relationships aren't possible but I'm sure that you'd agree that face-to-face is necessary before true intimacy develops.

As I said, the internet is a great gathering place where folks can meet but beyond that, you must actually meet before deciding that it's an intimate relationship (love or friendship).
Posted by: Ironfoot

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 05:45 PM

Awwww... group hug, everybody!

Promptly followed by a few hip throws I'll bet.
Posted by: Leo_E_49

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/11/07 05:57 PM

Quote:

I didn't mean to imply that relationships aren't possible but I'm sure that you'd agree that face-to-face is necessary before true intimacy develops.

As I said, the internet is a great gathering place where folks can meet but beyond that, you must actually meet before deciding that it's an intimate relationship (love or friendship).



Oh yeah, I agree with you completely there.
Posted by: Ronin1966

Re: Dysfunctional though we be... - 10/12/07 12:31 AM

Family... you mean the nut jobs; zealot Aunts, the weird drunken Uncle(s), our idiotic younger brothers, bizarre parents, our normal loving siblings???

Ok we are like family

Jeff