Problem with sensei-what do i do!?? please

sorry i decided it is not appropriate for me to post on here with this problem..
so so sorry for wasting all your time

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-24-2004).]

sorry!

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-24-2004).]

It is clear that this has upset you but as you didnt hear what was said about you then you dont know the full story. No it may not have been nice but then again it might have been something very minor, or regarding how your training is going.

People always talk about other people, some good some bad, thats life, if they are your friends then they are probably still your friends. I would try not to worry about this and get on with your life and training and friendships as if it never happened.

deleted

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-24-2004).]

Hi Andy,

If you are really upset, you should speak to your sensei. As shi miao zun said, it was probably about training, and probably nothing personally detrimental.

I think you should ask about it and clear the air, especially if your sensei is approachable.
Sharon

i agree with wadow,dont just jump to conclusions,find out be kind about it,also remember,as humans we all mess up sometimes thats why a forgiving heart toward others and ourselves is important,if your honest youve said and did things that in retrospect u wish u had not have. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/cool.gif[/IMG]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Advisemeandy:
sorry i decided it is not appropriate for me to post on here with this problem..
so so sorry for wasting all your time

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-24-2004).][/QUOTE]

I was abused by my Sensi. It can damn well be personal. I didn't get a chance to read your post, but I'm sure it would have fitted the criteria for a FA post.

when i reposted this it was only a cut down version of my earlier post i.e. Shi was the only one who saw and replied before i edited it.

i see what you're saying about jumping to conclusions...but its unlikely that it was about my training - because why talk about my training to another student? what business is it of theirs! - none! it only concerns me and the sensei, plus if it was wasn't something bad then why be so secretive?

what so you think?

ive made comments about women that were not bad,but thought best not to include the ladythough comment was nice ,feel a bit funny walking up to her and saying hey sweetheart your bootylicious, [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG] see with out knowing for sure what was being said dont just assume,or do like i do if i see people talking and looking at me,i assume their talking about how good looking i am [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif[/IMG]

Andy, I have been in Martial Arts since 1978. I have seen alot of bad instuctors and Sensei's, that I thought could walk on water. Many had personal bonds with their students and lost that leadership quality that the "walk on water" type Sensei's had. Just like in business a boss (Sensei) has to wear two hats, he can't get to close to his students and still maintain total respect as a Martial Arts instuctor, there is a type of distance you must maintain from your students. Just like in business you can't be out partying with your employees, one must maintain a space. Don't know the problem between you and your Sensei but he is only there to show you the way, it is up to you to get there. Define abuse. If this is two personal I understand. Bonzai

Andy,
why don't you post the whole story, so we are in a better position to help.
Sharon

Andy, I think there are many of use here who are Sensei's and Sempai's. As a Sensei I am just plain old curious what happened and would like to know. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif[/IMG] Bonzai



[This message has been edited by schanne (edited 02-24-2004).]

delete

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-26-2004).]

Andy,

I hope you don't mind me being direct, but it seems to me you do not have a very high opinion of your sensei.

You say that they "would probably deny it anyway" Do you think he is a Liar? If so, I suggest you find a Sensei that you feel you can trust, if not then ask him outright what he was talking to the other student about. It really could be just over-sensitivity on your part. They could have been talking about anything. I really can't imagine a decent instructor taking a student out of class to badmouth another student.

Also, why do you keep deleting your posts?, it makes it hard for us to remember what has been said and anyone looking for the first time will be totally confused.
Sharon

thanks for your advice everyone.
moderator please delet/lock his post or something.

[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-26-2004).]

As I suspected all along, "Andy" is one of my students, a 23 year old brown belt.

To clarify the chain of events:

Last Tuesday during the warm up part of the lesson, I needed to speak to another brown belt about her training. "Andy" was not mentioned once.


When I telephoned him this morning and asked im outright whether he was the poster he confirmed that he was.

I am shocked that "Andy" thought we were discussing him and even more shocked that he thought I would lie if he asked me about it. I am also dissapointed that he felt he could not ask me about it at the time, as all students have my phone numbers and my email address and I consider myself to be very approachable. We also share a car four times a week, so there was plenty of oppportunity. The other brown belt would be mortified to hear that "Andy" does not trust her, especially as she has often helped him with his training.

This whole thing has been blown totally out of proportion. I hope this is an end to the (rather silly) matter.
Sharon
P.S Do any other instructors have these sort of problems?

OMG read this by the same poster back in January:

Hi,
I am new and study Shotokan Karate
one of my friends at class is not well at all and she needs an operation. she has been told that she must not train until a few weeks after the op (which is in a month) but she stubbonly refuses to stop until after this competition (which in a few weeks time) because it's very very important to her.
I am the only person she has told and she refuses to tell anyone else (including the sensei) She told me in confidence and I must respect that.
at the moment She looks slightly pale but she can still train almost as she normally does and it doesn't really show that shes ill yet.
No one else has noticed this yet and thus, no one has said anything
and she feels she can't tell sensei because he will not allow her to enter.
How do you think I should go about this? and what do you think she should do, should the sensei be told or not or shall I just respect her decision and stay out of it.
She does strongly feel that she will be ok and that the few weeks of training will not do her harm if she takes it easy and stops training after the contest.
What do you all think.
I do not kmow the full details - she will not tell me.
What should she do and should I stay out if it or grass her up.
I am worried that she may do herself harm but she assures me that she will be ok if she takes it easy and does not use much contact in sparring - what do you think
Regards
-Andy


It turns out to be him who needs the op and took his brown belt without notifying us that he had a medical condition.

It took me ages to get him to admit it and then he said it was an op to have his tonsils out! It turns out this is also untrue.

I have told him I need a letter from his doctor before I will allow him to train as I can not believe what he says now. He is very upset that I am angry/upset with him but I can not believe he put our insurance at risk like this. As Jamoni said in his reply to this thread, risking his own health is one thing, doing it at his instructor's expense is another.

What do you all think of this? I am still gobsmaked at the lack of respect and the dishonesty.
Sharon


[This message has been edited by wadowoman (edited 02-26-2004).]

Sharon

Amazing! but not much surprises me these days. MA having grown in popularity has also atracted much of the other crap that comes into our lives.

This weekend we graded a number of our students. Following this we graded a few that missed our weekend. This was to help them move on to the next level and allow their practice to develop. Also it keeps them in a group that they are familiar with which seems to help with beginners

I'm not a professional - neither are any others in the senior team that was involved - in total we graded about 40 people on the day so was pretty hectic and a whole lot of admin fun.

anyway - asking for a bit of feed back and being prepared for some positive criticism I was gobsmacked at one student tearing into me at being 'press ganged' into grading. Apparently a housemove and a headache made the experience less than pleasant.

Did I deserve this? Maybe ..If she had told me first. Sadly despite some of the claims ..aikido does not confer 2nd sight!!

Another student phoned up to complain because there was not enough comments on her grading form.

As you will know its not easy watching and writing..sometimes its not easy to say much more than good grading - well done.

I think that we could have done a bit better but I don't think we deserved a full assault without even been asked for a bit more verbal feedback.

so having spent 3 hours sitting in a pretty cold dojo our thanks from these individuals consisted of a full on winge! (Both passed by the way...)

I think this is pretty trivial in comparison to the behaviour of your student above (shame on you Andy...) but even so when you give up your time and effort to help people it is scant reward to have an OTT and unthinking reaction without even an attempt at dialogue.

I'd say to all the beginners reading these posts - think before you moan about your sensei ..they are only human and to get where they are no matter how good or bad technically 90% of the time they have shown a great deal of committment and made many personal sacrifices to get to a level where they can help you.

An occasional thanks wouldn't hurt much!

D

BTW Sharon ...Does everyone in your dojo use this forum?

wow im shocked,i remember that post,i think we are dealing with some major lack of self esteem,also think its quite selfish to risk haveing your insurance,raised greatly because the student wants to push on despite surgery,i was surprised that student is 23,as these things seem very immature for a 23 year old,sorry if ive offended you advisemeandy,but you need to work on not being so sensitive,and always let instructor know when theres anything physically wrong,its not fair to them that you should choose to press on with out at least making them aware of your physical problems so they can decide if their ok with you continueing,after all your actions could have an impact on them also and thats not fair.

you do not understand the full situation and what i am and have been going through I have kept it to myself because i don't know any other way and i didn't know who to talk to or what to do about it. there is more to it than this
I am deeply sorry about this. in was never my intention in anyway. I accept its my fault.

i'm no good at talking about personal things anyway its very hard for me and i am not used to it or know how to and it makes it worse if its a personal health issue.I am used to repressing thigs because i don't know any other way and its the only way i try to deal with things.

any strike to the area would not have been major and it in no way has a serious effect on performance i didn't realise the insurance would be effected i forgot about that totally and it is not a case of serious damage if hit there.

i didn't realise about the insurance at all.if i did then i wopuld not have

I am deeply sorry about this. in was never my intention in anyway. I accept its all my fault.

i WAS supposed to have an op for my throat. That was not untrue and as i said it was not just merely about the tonsills my throat problems run deeper than that as i said.

I am ashamed dazzler2.
I know I did not go about it the right way and i had no intention of any of this or to be disrespectful
I said in my earlier post I have a high opinion of sensei and i didn't realise i come across like that (moaning) or gave the imressiohn othewies
I am over sensitive and paraniod about a lot of things in my life because of things i've been through and not really got over i am not excusing anything but trying to help you understand why. I never had any intention of bad feeling or anything about any of this u ust understand that.



[This message has been edited by Advisemeandy (edited 02-26-2004).]

Dazzler,
No, this is the only one of my students that knows this address.
Mark is my husband's sensei, and has sort of "adopted" me and my group which I really appreciate. won't bore you with the history but I would probably have quit martial arts if I had not been introduced to his group.

MrV, fighting dwarf,khayman (hope I haven't missed anyone) are Mark's students and Yoseikan student is my husband's.
Sharon

I think that it might be a good idea for all parties to continue this discussion via email.

Most clubs ask for medical conditions that may affect training to be disclosed, if the student fails to disclose such a condition and is subsequently injured then the liability is theirs and does not belong to the instructor.

Any person who listens to and is affected by gossip in any form needs their paranoia examined professionally - a Sensei is not qualified to help such unreasonable people.

All students are told that if they have a problem to speak to the instructor, Wadowoman's club is a friendly, sociable group and her contact details are readily accessible, any student with a problem who fails to take advantage of this kind of accessibility needs their head examined.

My advice to Advisemeandy is get professional help. My advice to Sharon is tell Advisemeandy to seek professional help before returning to the club.

Andy - apologies from me..over simplification of a well worn phrase and none of my business.

Obviously a sensitive issue so I'll butt out.

Sharon / Mr V / Mark etc...If I'm ever over Colchester (is that where youre all from? I'll look you up. Not a wado person but hey, I drink beer!

Bossman - saw your lastest article in Martial Arts Illustrated yesterday.

As ever, enjoying the posts.

D

Dazzler,
Although I am wado, Mark's group are Yoseikan Budo, which is shotokan based karate incorporating aspects of aikido, jujitsu. I am sure you would be welcome, we all drink beer too [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Sharon

Like sand through the hourglass, these our the days of our lives....

Join us next time when we find out advisemeandy's evil twin, Notlisteningarthur, comes to town causing havoc while revealing a shocking secret.

(fade to black as theme music plays)

i agree with john,i think wadow,and andy need to iron this out in private.

Often we need to talk as instructors about progress of the students especially if there is a problem, I'd hate to think that any of our students thought we were saying bad things about them like this, so will be more careful in the future.

We are always encouraged to talk with our head instructor if we are having a problem or have an injury that will impede our training. He's a pretty good guy like this and will always put our welfare first. [IMG]http://www.fightingarts.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif[/IMG]

I hope you can all sort this out amongst yourselves. Sometimes if u are having a rough patch in yr life, little things get out of control...

Sending positive thoughts!

What on earth?

Perhaps I am assuming all parties involved are of terrestrial origin.

Nanoo.Nanoo.

WW - a prizewinningly bizarre student, congratulations.

well 1 good thing has come out of this thread.

Bluestar is back, horray!!!

need amazon, commoncents and teapot as well, i miss them..

Students must be medical fit enough to train, any risk and i dont see that a sensei can take the risk in teaching them.

I have asked for doctors letters from students in the past, i have NO desire to be sued.

A brown belt is considered sempai, is this chaps behaviour worthy of this?

mark

It should also be the duty of the student to advise the sensei. Whenever I have a problem that can affect my training, I always advise my sensei before class. I also take a position at the back of the class so that my not doing certain techniques, or not training as hard as I should will not be a distraction for the other students.

Hmm another one worthy of entry in Rippley's "Weird World of Wackos". As I believe this has been ironed out to the extent that it can be on this forum, i'll lock the thread.

Regds
Mr V